Tried anal sex, underwhelmed, am I missing something here???

[louloo78]

Ok, here goes, and sorry in advance if TMI...So, DP and I recently started experimenting with, erm, rear-entry shenanigans , he'd tried it before with previous partners but TBH I'd always been put off by horror stories (pain/mess/looseness....leakage )

Anyways, in short, have now tried it a few times with DP (every time in various degrees of mild tipsiness TBH) and, well, I'm just not feelin' it, so to speak.

No pain, a bit of a general weird feeling (especially when DP takes it out, really feels like I'm gonna poo ). But other than that, nothing. Although relieved it doesn't really hurt, I'm not getting anything out of it all, and really starting to feel like I'm missing something. Have one friend who absolutely swears by it, and I'm starting to feel like I'm doing it wrong!

DP says he's not fussed but he clearly gets off on it and I kinda like that and want to persevere, and I do like the whole naughtiness of it all.

Does anyone have any advice about how I can make this more enjoyable? Have looked at the threads already on MN but they don't really deal with this Heard that there might be certain lubricants that can increase sensitivity. Perhaps some kinds of toys?

Try riding him doing it anal! You're in control and he gets a great view (well I'm told it's a great view), I've never used lubes, never seen any poo, and can have a shit with ease the next day, I love it, but not all the time. Sometimes I have to be in 'the mood' for it. I use it for special occasions, birthdays, christmas, child-free weekends, etc.

BertieBotts I've read your post again and and on reflection agree with most of what you say, that all sex acts should be a natural progression rather than an arbitrary concept or goal, etc....except for this: the OP has expressed an interest in exploring bum sex - seemingly as a goal in itself - simply for the sake of it. Who are we to say what constitutes a good reason for her trying something new (...and it doesn't sound like she at least is being pressured in any way. Maybe the OP will elaborate?).

Besides I think we are all being naive if we think that our sexual tastes develop in the way you say, naturally and organically (...no matter how much I or you would like it to be that way). I mean, think about losing one's virginity for example - at least in my case, I can't see how that would have ever happened with out lots of conceptual leaps of faith, rather than an organic development. You need to make a few mistakes sometimes to find out what you like, and (at least for me)that may involve trying things that don't always immediately appeal and "keeping and open mind" as the OP put it.

However, even if what you say doesn't fit the OP's case or that of others I do see what you mean, and yes it's probably more healthy that sexual tastes develop the way you say and probably an approach that should be encouraged.

wow,thanks all for very full and varied advice on this. BertieBotts, how very very right you are, I've always taken that view on all things sexual (ie not to force things and certainly not to do anything 'for the sake of it'). In fact I'd always seen bum sex as, well, a porn thing, and not something I should be doing out of principle I suppose, in addition to the apprehension I had about mess, pain etc.

However, DP has certainly not forced the issue (quite the opposite really, I think he's quite shocked that I am now suggesting it more . I'm very comfortable trying new things with him and had always been kinda curious about bum sex despite steering clear of it for so long. Also, it isn't that I don't enjoy it, it just isn't that thrilling (and yes, crap as it sounds, lets face it, if I'd abstained from sex in general every time it 'wasn't thrilling', I'd have had a lot less of it over the years!!. Obviously, having any kind of sex that isn't doing it for you is not good, but I've always taken the view that one needs to try to make it good and more enjoyable, rather than just abstaining. I just wanted to see if I could enjoy it, could find it thrilling...
In a way I resent the fact that bum sex (or any sexual act really) has been 'hijacked' as a porn thing and has therefore become a 'feminist' issue (indeed, it would be ironic if that has affected my mindset, my ability just to relax and enjoy it! )

The good lord gave us a fanjo, full of nerve endings and lubricators and lovely deliciousness. And what do men want to do? Stick it up the other hole, the dry one that makes it feel like you're having a poo. Great

They're so fucking contrary

Lou, you almost sound like you are starting to feel guilty, like you are having to defend yourself for trying this! Please don't!! It sounds like you are in a good relationship and feel safe a relaxed with DP. So why not experiment? (even if that does mean trying thins 'for the sake of it'!). And in my opinion not trying something 'out of principle' is just the same as trying something for the sake of it.
Just try to relax and not to worry about the whole thing. In my experience, anal sex (like any sex) does improve with time and experimentation and you probably will end up enjoying it (and if it doesn't, you will know if or when 'enough is enough' and it's time to try somethin different)

We run a small business in a trade industry and Rees recruit apprentices, usually 18 year old boys onto apprenticeships schemes etc. From chatting to these fellas I was shocked to discover that most of them have anul sex as the norm with young girls, 16, 17, 18 etc. These girls according to these boys do it to remain virgins and also from watching porn they know how much boys like it. It apparently shows that the girls are sexually daring and experienced. I thought that was quite sad. Poor girls!

I think you will find there is a big difference between what these boys say and what they actually do

Oh quite possibly, but one lad in particular is a very nice lad, not had many girlfriends at all, tad geeky but LOVELY!! He personally blamed porn for the way girls felt about bum sex - said all girls felt they should do it in his school but the more classy girls remained vaginal virgins so just did bum sex whilst the others did both! Just so warped!

Oh quite possibly, but one lad in particular is a very nice lad, not had many girlfriends at all, tad geeky but LOVELY!! He personally blamed porn for the way girls felt about bum sex - said all girls felt they should do it in his school but the more classy girls remained vaginal virgins so just did bum sex whilst the others did both! Just so warped!

Tried it with various partners in the past and hated it. Triedit again with DH and am now a convert. Lube, patience and lotsof clit action is all I am saying...

The best way for me is with double penetration (was going to put DP but that has an entirely different meaning on mn). So dildo in cunt, willy in bum.

I agree Akiss - i lvoe that too

'I once asked my GP about it as I was worried about over stretching
He said the anus is an muscle which deals with outgoing matter...but so long as you dont "over use" it as an ingoing receptacle then it should be ok. In other words don't stretch the muscle too often and it will return to normal mine has I have no probs'

Did you make an appointment to bring that up?

Expat Your post made me chuckle - I've asked the exact same question and received pretty much, the exact same answer :)

Plenty of foreplay on your clit and fanny first, even normal sex. Build to orgasm but don't reach it. As you get near let him finger your bum then you will explode. Next time do the same but let him insert his willy in your bum just before orgasm and you won't believe the intensity! Doggy style is good as a starting position but missionary with your legs over his shoulders will blow your mind!

Oh, and you should continue playing with your club and fanny too!

Club=clit! Lol

And NEVER put willy in fanny after being in bum until its had a good scrub.

Why on EARTH would you persist doing something that you find uncomfortable and unpleasant? Why do you feel you have to do this? Is 'normal' PIV sex so boring and unfulfilling for you both that you feel you have to persevere with anal experimentation in order to achieve a happy sex life? Or have you just been brainwashed into thinking it's something men are entitled to, and you are just 'uptight' and a killjoy for not enjoying it?

I think, and I could be wrong, that OP likes

• that she thinks her DH enjoys the sensation (and IME some guys do/don't/aren't too fussed and plenty don't like the idea enough to try, just like women. Believe it or not some of us find most of them are quite nice creatures!)

• that she, for whatever reasons, feels it is somehow 'naughty' or 'submissive' (IMO this is a choice that can be made on an individual occasion basis so the only additional advice I'd add to OP beyond what others have posted is that she might want to experiment with different feelings of relaxed openness/powerfulness/mutual delight/whatever as well as trying the 'ooh, aren't I/we naughty' feeling).

What she isn't getting from it is physical pleasure herself.

But equally she isn't getting displeasure.

Don't see any harm in trying a few more variants/combinations (carefully!) to see if she can enjoy it physically as well as mentally.

Plenty of suggestions for those on here.

Have fun!

zombie arse sex thread

some of you are fixated I tell ya

AF - would never entertain the idea myself but the Center Parcs/anal sex sites were very, very funny! Sent MN viral!

Class dismissed. Hockey on the upper field for lower sixth.

Buena makes a great point, how some people use the threat as a weapon or retaliation - 'I'll stick something up HIS arse and see how he likes it..''

These threats inevitably are made by the ''I'll die an anal virgin'' types too :)

So if you haven't tried it, do not criticise it.

And from me, I'd endorse it and agree with; lube, special events - not every day, lube, very slow and gentle to start, lube, wash afterwards, lube, try using a toy at the same time for double fun, lube.

In fact, lots of lube, in doggy, then let the lady push against the fella to control initial penetration.....

Why the fuck are people replying on a SIX MONTH OLD THREAD? The topic has been done to death already on MN.
Why can't this thread be locked?