Tried anal sex, underwhelmed, am I missing something here???

[louloo78]

Ok, here goes, and sorry in advance if TMI...So, DP and I recently started experimenting with, erm, rear-entry shenanigans , he'd tried it before with previous partners but TBH I'd always been put off by horror stories (pain/mess/looseness....leakage )

Anyways, in short, have now tried it a few times with DP (every time in various degrees of mild tipsiness TBH) and, well, I'm just not feelin' it, so to speak.

No pain, a bit of a general weird feeling (especially when DP takes it out, really feels like I'm gonna poo ). But other than that, nothing. Although relieved it doesn't really hurt, I'm not getting anything out of it all, and really starting to feel like I'm missing something. Have one friend who absolutely swears by it, and I'm starting to feel like I'm doing it wrong!

DP says he's not fussed but he clearly gets off on it and I kinda like that and want to persevere, and I do like the whole naughtiness of it all.

Does anyone have any advice about how I can make this more enjoyable? Have looked at the threads already on MN but they don't really deal with this Heard that there might be certain lubricants that can increase sensitivity. Perhaps some kinds of toys?

And I mean proper stimulation using a vibrator or something, because you need something strong, IME anyway.

Nope, not for me. My arse is a one way street. And if dh suggested it I would tell him to shove something up HIS arse.

Never forget from my A&E days a woman who was having anal sex with her bf and he tore the lining and she was bleeding like a stuck pig!!! Had to go to theatre in the end to stop the bleeding.

Hides thread due to serious piles

Good luck op!

I hope OP doesn't injure herself in her quest to feel something inside her bowels.
Remember OP, some people just don't.

I'm with Bertie on this, you or maybe your DP should use a toy for clitoral stimulation at the same time, and use a proper lube

I'm with Bertie on this, you or maybe your DP should use a toy for clitoral stimulation at the same time, and use a proper lube

Gross gross gross I vow to remain a bum virgin. Exits are not entrances!

Dunno why you're bothered. Spend time doing something you both enjoy.
As an aside I thought the reason some men like being anally penetrated is because it can stimulate the prostate. Obviously not a pleasure that's open to women.

There is something up there that gets stimulated. TMI but over the past year I have discovered the ability to squirt and with the right type of anal stimulation it happens every time.
Not something that happens with vaginal or clitoral stimulation, at least not for me.
OP is he using fingers before penetration?

I'm another advocate of the 'you either enjoy or you don't' personally I do and also I'm another that can orgasm through anal (completely different to vaginal or clitoral orgasms). Different positions do give different sensations.
It's not your bowel! it's your rectum (which is a temporary storage area for faecal matter, once this is removed it's vacant, you can ensure "emptiness" with Glycerin suppositories from superdrug ) and is host to many nerves that are capable of great pleasure.
I once asked my GP about it as I was worried about over stretching :)
He said the anus is an muscle which deals with outgoing matter...but so long as you dont "over use" it as an ingoing receptacle then it should be ok. In other words don't stretch the muscle too often and it will return to normal mine has I have no probs
The one thing I will say is that it involves trust, you have to know that you're in control of it, slowly slowly your partner has to obey your command.
Agree with who said up thread > if you don't enjoy then get your partner something to try, there's many toys available for men too.
I find KY ok coupled with a condom (hygiene reasons), if he doesn't want to use one then he goes and cleans up as soon as we're finished and also pee's, apparently this flushes out ant bacteria present.

Like name change I would sugest a position change and a different lube. A good silicon based lube is important. Personally all I can say about the 'special' lubes you mentio I.e. cinnamon is oww oww, it burns, it burns, get off me, I need a shower. As you can tell I'm not a fan.

Personally I enjoy bum sex and reliably orgasm (very easily) if I'm on top.

I am perplexed as to why you want to struggle on to try and make this more enjoyable for you? You have tried someting sexually, it doesnt do anything for you. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both partners. So why dont you instead do things you both enjoy?

By that reasoning, did you find your dd under a gooseberry bush where the stork had left her, Em?

It didn't work for us when we tried it, and we tried it on each other. The moving out was such a strange feeling... I felt like a vacuum pulling everything with it when he moved out. We expected it to be amazing as we have friends who 'swear by it' also. We didn't really pursue it after a couple of tries. Did decide though, that we were probably not using enough decent lube, and also, the whole sexy romantic aspect of sex was missing as we were so worried about hurting each other or not doing it right lol.

Have contemplated trying again, but he's actually less interested than me.

It is just me who finds it odd that so many men seem to want bum sex. Yet, mention anal sex in relation to homosexuality and those same men turn a funny shade of white. Odd reaction.

• MY post up thread should have ended- ANY bacteria and not ant bacteria- thought i would clarify just in case anyone thought WTF what's she doing with ants up her bum?.

I knew what you meant dondon.

I think anal is one of those things that either does it for you, or it doesn't. If you've tried it a few times and it doesn't, then give up and find something else.

I am perplexed as to why you want to struggle on to try and make this more enjoyable for you? You have tried someting sexually, it doesnt do anything for you.
EatsBrainsAndLeaves The OP has only tried it a few times. Am I to take it from your comment that every new position or thing you've tried sexually has worked really well and been brilliant the first, second or third time you tried it? If so, lucky you! The human species would've died out if people gave up trying when their first few attempts at something sexual didn't work that well.

I think the human race would have died out even more quicker if everyone decided to just focus on bumsex!

handbagCrab Sure. What's your point?

MableLabel: "It is just me who finds it odd that so many men seem to want bum sex..."
I find it so weird how, even with so many MNers expressing their active enjoyment of bum sex (independent of men's wants) that there is still the assumption that they're really just doing it for the men in their lives... a tad patronising perhaps? (Sorry MableLabel if that's not what you meant)

Every time someone says they enjoy bum sex, someone replies withe something like 'stick something up his arse and see how he likes it', as if bum sex is some kind of weapon, requiring retaliation. Can't we just accept that some of us know what we want, and do genuinely enjoy it! (...sorry for rant, touched a bit of a nerve!)

I don't think it's meant in that way beuna, although I definitely agree that some (most, hopefully?) people do it because they want to and enjoy it but it IS a bit of a niche/risky practice so I think it is good for the concept to be treated with caution.

Also, disgusting though it is it does seem to be one of those things that certain blokes will push for even after a woman has expressed disinterest which of course says more about the man, but I think that alone means it's important to stress the opposite - that it's perfectly FINE not to want to do something sexually and just because some people say it's great that doesn't mean you have to try it if you don't want to. And of course that it's never okay for someone to pressure you into doing anything, because, TBH, I don't think that anal sex is something that should be attempted if you're a bit "meh" about the whole idea.

If it was something else - say, biting nipples, lots of people like it, but others would be horrified - you'd probably discover that you liked it because you'd start off with the normal stroking in the boob/chest area, perhaps progress to some licking or gentle scratching, discover that it felt nice and go from there until it got harder and harder. Some people would stop with the stroking and go no further, others don't like their nipples touched at all, some people like to be bitten so hard it draws blood, but you'd never dream of doing that to someone out of the blue or trying to persuade them that they'd like it.

It should be the same with anything, with bum sex there's also a spectrum, some people like being touched just around the anus, then you might discover that you like a "cheeky finger", you might then experiment with a small butt plug, maybe progressing to larger ones, you'd only get to full on anal sex if you'd got through all of this exploration happily and enthusiastically and found that actually this is great but I want more - I think it's pretty sad that the concept has become so mainstream that men are trying to persuade their partners into it rather than it being a natural progression from "this feels nice" to "I want more".

Exploring random sexual concepts for the sake of it (unless they're mild) seems pretty pointless and risky to me, because you're unlikely to like it that much if you haven't even wanted to explore the concept on a lower level first, and doesn't that take half the fun out of it anyway?

An absolutely excellent post, BertieBotts.