Been crying half the night...DD not passed 11+

[CheeryCherry]

and she has only been offered a place at our local dreadful comp. It has high truancy, low exam results, has a stand in Head cos noone has taken on the job.
Feel sick that we haven't planned for other options, there are 2 fee paying schools (which we cannot afford but would have gone into debt for) we could have considered, but their entrance exams were 2 weeks ago.
Have missed the boat, and feeling like the worlds worst parent...
Sorry, just wanted to offload really.

[Pluto]

Ah - I see Here in Kent the children take the test in September of Y6 and results are out in October, before SCAFs are completed. I assumed this was the same all over the country and anyone who hadn't got the scores for grammar school would have known for a long time now.

[howdidthishappenthen]

Not sure if this has already been mentioned, but maybe see if it's possible for yourself or DH to join as parent or community-governors? The commitment isn't that onerous (a few evenings a term) and you get to influence things from the inside - even maybe get a say in the choice of new head.

Also, I was at a crappy comp til the age of 14, and much more influenced by the expectations of my parents when it came to school results than the expectations of my peers. Sounds like you're a really involved parent which is an enormous part of the battle won when it comes to overcoming shortfalls of the local system.

[linconlass]

Dont think you are alone with this - gone tro similar with grammar sytem.Refused to get tutor an d now see less able children got in with intense tutoring and think have i let ds down,Ive had to move on from thinking im worst parent and you will too .Sounds like you in shock at mo.You may want to appeal? but check your own views if this is for what you want or what will suit her - it may not apply to you but i partly wanted ds to get in for me as much as him - difficult feeling to admit but it was true for me - may not be the case for you thiugh - im not saying it is.However,its true there are horror stories re all schools.My friend has a child at a rough ish school with low ish expectations and they are really happy -they will get addit tutor for some subjects if school cant meet this bright childs needs - as the child will wish to do O levels which the school dont provide ,so they will arrange for tutor for that subject and enter child for exam to ensure that their child can do it and go to sixth form at a school with more scope of opportunity.It s not ideal but will work.Speaking of horror stories - you can hear loads about grammar too !!!good luckx

[MillyMollyMoo]

I disagree, going into debt over a holiday or car is a really bad idea, if you have to go into debt for anythign then education would be about the only thing I would consider.

Personally in your boots OP I'd be looking around all the private schools and getting out the family silver.

[OxfordMum4503]

It is far better where there are just Comprehensives, like in Oxfordshire/Cambridgeshire.

Takes the pressure off of kids at that young an age, helps them to settle in by having same sets of friends and statistically gets better results.

[MillyMollyMoo]

I agree if DD1 doesn't pass I have the choice between a private school I don't think is right for her or a crappy comp/secondary modern or moving out of the area removing with it the opportunity for the other 3 kids to go to grammar school. It's such a double edged sword.

[BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny]

Ds sat his 11+ type exam for a private school a couple of weeks after the main exam, it's worth while phoning to see if they have places availiable for September. The admissions lady told us that the school ds is going to (it's high up in the top 100)normally has places as not all boys take the place up and not all boys are offered a place (which I find ). You can but try.

[ravenAK]

She'll be fine at the local comprehensive.

The horror stories will tend to be schadenfreude from parents whose kids are at the grammar/self-justification from parents who are paying fees.

I went to a grammar (which then & now routinely came top in league tables) & now teach in a comp. I have friends who are parents, staff or both at the local well-regarded independent.

Honestly, the teaching's better, IME, in the comprehensive system.

It has to be - if you can engage the toughest groups & ensure they make good progress, then providing sufficient challenge for the top sets (ie. the kids who just missed out on the grammar/would've gone to one if there was a local one) really is the least of your worries.

Also, parental support is crucial, & your dd clearly has that.

Agree with earlier posters that if she was 'borderline' for the grammar, she's had a lucky escape - my best mate at school just scraped in, & was miserable. Much better to be a high flyer at the comp.

[deaddei]

It is worth having a look on the 11 plus forum (Sutton and Kingston part) to see angst ridden parents counting down the days to March 2nd.
Dear God.

[GrimmaTheNome]

Its a bit shit that you don't find out till now about the 11+. Lancs is like Kent, it seems - 11+ done in Sept so you know if your child has passed before you have to fill in the LEA form, so you don't waste a preference if your child hasn't passed. That still leaves some like us on the reserve list for out-of-catchment places but at least we knew what the situation was and so could work out alternatives sensibly.

NotSoCheery, having a parent who so obviously cares about your childrens education is more important than anything else.

[BoffinMum]

Are any of her friends going to the comp she has got into? That might help. Also talking to the Head of Year about plans for year 7 might help.

Alternatively is state boarding school something you would consider?

[lowenergylightbulb]

We found out yesterday that our son hasn't passed his 11+. I had a few moments of disappointment for him (I was worried about him feeling sad!) but he's ok about it!!

I think that it will be great for him, he's a bright lad but he doesn't 'do' sustained hard work and at the GS I suspect that he'd have struggled - it's a pretty full on school.

At the local comp. he will have a chance of shining which I think will be great for his self esteem. And it's only a short walk from our house so he won't have the early start that his siblings have, and he'll be home by half three.

I bought him some 'treats' yesterday and told him that I was really proud that he'd had the courage to put himself through the process!

It's tough old world for kids nowadays innit?

[claig]

Good luck to your son. It is a disappointment but that is all. He will still do very well. If he enjoys his school and the subjects he chooses, he will put the effort in and get the rewards. When he eventually comes out of university, what school he went to will be totally irrelevant. All that employers will care about is what he knows and what he can do.

[farmerjones]

didnt we have this thread lasst year?