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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Been crying half the night...DD not passed 11+

90 replies

CheeryCherry · 31/01/2010 10:01

and she has only been offered a place at our local dreadful comp. It has high truancy, low exam results, has a stand in Head cos noone has taken on the job.
Feel sick that we haven't planned for other options, there are 2 fee paying schools (which we cannot afford but would have gone into debt for) we could have considered, but their entrance exams were 2 weeks ago.
Have missed the boat, and feeling like the worlds worst parent...
Sorry, just wanted to offload really.

OP posts:
OrmRenewed · 31/01/2010 11:26

So sorry about that cherry. It must be gutting. But as has been said it might be great. DS#1's school had an appalling reputation for years until a new head appeared (and if you have an interim head atm that may well happen soon). Now it's an outstanding school with a lot of very happy children and parents. The results aren't great (though improving) but as the intake is of a low standard generally, and we know the teaching is good, I am confident that DS's results will be fine. He went in with grade 5s and is doing well.

BTW I don't know of a single school that doesn't have bullying. Not one. It's how it is dealt with that matters. And IME it's the 'good' school that don't want to admit to having a bullying problem that fail to sort it out.

NotSoCheeryCherry · 31/01/2010 11:45

Thank you all of you, you are making me feel loads better. Thank you. The only way is up!

Bonsoir · 31/01/2010 11:48

If you haven't got enough money for full secondary private school fees, perhaps you nevertheless could find the money to give your DD a really amazing educational experience (or two or three) - a summer at an all girls' US summer camp, perhaps?

Cyb · 31/01/2010 11:50

yes thats what we all do when we don't get the school of our choice. Jet them off to California for the summer

coolma · 31/01/2010 11:52

I am probably very stupid but I had no idea the 11+ was still being used. Here it stopped in 1975! Whereabouts is it still operational?

Bonsoir · 31/01/2010 11:53

Better to look on the bright side, IMO . There is an awful lot more to education than school!

thesteelfairy · 31/01/2010 11:53

We didn't have 11+ in my area. It was a pretty crappy local comp and yet people who wanted to did well. One went on to be a Barrister, another a Marine Biologist, another a professor of something or other scientific can't remember what at a high profile american university, social workers, teachers, accountants and more.

What I am trying to say and truly believe is that it is mainly about the back up received at home. Anyone with good and supportive home back up will do well.

brimfull · 31/01/2010 11:53

there's always finishing school

thesteelfairy · 31/01/2010 11:53

If they want to that is.

Bonsoir · 31/01/2010 11:54

It's called "university" these days!

themildmanneredjanitor · 31/01/2010 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SkipHopJump · 31/01/2010 12:06

I got into a gramamr school (an age ago) and my mother was dead set against it! She wanted me to go to the local comp as she is against grammar education, but most of my friends got into the grammar so we all went.
However, there was one close friend of mine who did pass the 11+. She went to local comp and was gutted, as were here parents.

By the time we finished A levels, I did ok but not amazingly, same as others who went to grammar. (Obviously some did AMAZINGLY).
This girl who hadn't passed 11+ did far better than me and most of my friends.

The moral of this longwinded and boring story is that with your support and her hardwork there is no reason why she would do any better/ worse at a non-grammar than at a grammar. The stand in head might be brill. They might get a new head who turns it all around.

morningpaper · 31/01/2010 12:14

I went to a shit comp and I turned out fine (honest)

I wanted to stay with my friends who hadn't passed their 11 +'s

most of them now have proper careers

this is a tiny tiny blip in the scheme on things

it will work out fine

bubblerock · 31/01/2010 13:33

We don't have the 11+ here, so choice is local school or pay for independent. I was a bit annoyed last year at the lack of options due to us not being able to afford a 'better' school for DS who is very academic.

I felt he would really miss out - BUT.. he's in year 7 at the local comp and has been given so many opportunities because he is willing to learn - crap schools want to get better and he and other able students are probably getting more encouragement than if they went to Independent/Grammar where they would be lost among similarly bright children. DS loves it, is on G&T and has made lots of friends.

Maybe I'm just trying to see the bright side of school choices (or lack of ) but don't feel that you or DD have failed - she will be absolutely fine

Jux · 31/01/2010 14:25

DD didn't do 11+ per se, but did equivalent entrance exam to local fab grammar. Had letter yesterday that she hasn't got in but tbh I'm glad, as so many of the kids there are having some form of counselling for stress.

Our local authority don't tell us where we've been allocated a place until March, but I imagine she'll be going to our local shitty comp.

I think that so much is up to the child. When we first moved here I only ever heard how dreadful our comp was etc but in the last couple of years I've seen kids do really well there, excellent A level results, superb art skills and so on. Kids getting into good art/music colleges and universities.

It really is what you make it.

gerontius · 31/01/2010 14:45

If loads of friends and colleagues have told you horror stories about the school and their children, does that not mean all their children are there? In which case she's not exactly going to be alone is she?

piscesmoon · 31/01/2010 15:09

'Just because a school has a bad reputation it doesn't mean it's a bad place - go and look around in the daytime - schools with a bad reputation often have the best initiatives, the best behaviour control and some of the most dedicated, caring teachers. It probably won't be as bad as you think, I promise'

I would agree with this. Also, as gerontius says,they either have horror stories but are happy enough to have their DCs there, or they have horror stories when their DCs are not there and haven't a clue what goes on really! I would discount any stories-I have heard stories about my DCs comprehensive that don't have a shred of truth in them!
Lots of highly intelligent, successful people fail the 11+, this is because it generally spurs them on to do better!
I would make an appointment to go and look around (even if you have already done it),on a normal school day.

ppeatfruit · 31/01/2010 15:14

Your daughter will know that you're upset please don't be. i've had 3 children through the system and not one of them did the 11+; my eldest CHOSE not to do it, went to a so,so comp got good A levels and a 2.1. at Warwick uni. our 2nd dd went to same comp. and did okay(she rebelled early) but went on to do fashion at college and is working hard for not much money in her chosen field.
Our G&T ds went to a liberal private school but was expelled for taking up with the older druggy boys. He home educated himself with a tutor's and our help.
Now a very responsible father he works hard to support his daughters. He didn't actually attend school after the age of 13!!
So as long as your ds has your care, love and support she'll be fine don't worry!!

amber1979 · 31/01/2010 15:17

I failed the 11 plus while three of my friends passed. One of them is in prison for dealing drugs, one is an office temp (she also became the local bike) and the other is a GP but hated her "nice" school.

I went to a very dodgy comp and now have two degrees and a post-graduate qualification. If your daughter is bright, she will be fine.

Jajas · 31/01/2010 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caoimhe · 31/01/2010 18:14

Schools can change so much. When I bought my house I found myself half-way between two Comps - one was the shining star that people moved to be next to and one was regarded as an "avoid-at-all-costs" school.

A few years later School 1 (the shining star) has lost its head, got a rubbish new one who was sacked, got another one then another one and the school is now a dump where kids prowl the corridors in hoodies.

School 2 has a new head, massively improved results and is now hugely oversubscribed.

Don't worry - your dd's school could be like School 2 when it gets a new head. Good luck!

waitingforbedtime · 31/01/2010 18:25

Dont be upset. I went to a rubbishy school, like REALLY rubbish and you know what? I did ok and ended up going to the Uni I wanted to to study what I wanted. Imo parental support counts for MUCH more than the school.

Also, please dont go into debt for her education - it would always be hanging over your head and putting extra pressure on you all.

waitingforbedtime · 31/01/2010 18:32

Also, I think in my experience yes kids who are bright will be picked out as being so and encouraged BUT I also think there is more scope for diversity in a comp, I really do.

If you were a kid who went to grammar at 11 and then discovered you actually were better at practical things I think youd feel very left out and struggle. At my school quite a few people were like this and the teachers and other pupils could relate to them and no-one was the 'odd one out', also careers advice could be geared towards lots of things not just the Uni route.

In all honesty, I think I would choose for my son to go to a comp.

I know several people who went to private school and a fair percentage of them got involved with drugs and stuff unfortunately and even the ones that didnt, didnt all do well. From our year at school we have GPs, a barrister, loads of teachers, lots of people in business, as well as electricians, plumbers, builders, mechanics etc all earning a decent living.

MmeBlueberry · 31/01/2010 18:36

If you feel that the independent schools are feasible for you, then do conatact them. Many will consider applicants outside of their annual assessemnts. You lose nothng by asking.

LeQueen · 31/01/2010 18:48

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.