Something that never occurred to me about single sex schools and is now worrying me

[Bomper]

I was watching a programme the other week about children starting their first year of secondary school (as is ds) and the subject was budding relationships with the opposite sex and dealing with new emotions. A number of them already had 'girlfriends' and 'boyfriends'. It started me thinking about ds who goes to an all boys school. Will he be missing out on a major life learning experience? Is it going to be hard for him to talk to girls as he won't be interacting with them on a day to day basis? Anyone with any experience of this?

Meant to add it didn't affect dh's ability to get on with girls. He's not a man's man though - sorry dh! - so always found it easier to talk to girls than boys and still does to this day!

Hiya here's my two-penneth-worth: I went to a single sexed school and I hated the intense female atmosphere at school; navigating the academic hot-housing and the bitchiness of all the girls together was hell.

The sixth form was mixed (the boys' school and the girls' school came together for years 11 and 12) and the difference was immense; it was so much more fun and lively. However, at GCSE (when it was all girls) I got 12 A grades and at A level (when the classes were mixed) I did really badly and lost my place at Oxford.

What's my point? I would have had a much happier time at a mixed school but would bet that my academic life would have been much better had I completed my education without the distraction of romance.

That said, I would have had to study/work alongside men at some point...

Research seems to suggest that girls do better in single sex schools and boys in mixed.

We have no option, all our secondary schools are single sex until the sixth form.

I went to an all girls school and loved it. Met DH at age 17 and we've been together 15 years and are very happy. My best friends are male (and were from the age of about 15). Think I was a bit of a tomboy which maybe made it easier. I got a great education and could be a complete nerd without worrying about what boys thought of me.

So ner

Thniking about this some more, I guess my experience has a lot to do also with the fact that I grew up in a small village and had no transport (realistically) into the nearby small town...so my social life was basically school, ie a bunch of swotty girls (grammar school) and the occasional heady excitement of being cast in the play at the boys' grammar school across town.

No drama, church clubs, youth club, band practice or any of that malarkey in my village and thus my teenage years.

So while it certainly would have helped me to be co-ed, maybe it would not be such a problem for s/one in a big town or city with more facilitites and opportunities.

Haven't read all the thread. Have you seen this?Here

Children in mixed schools can become sexualised too young and also do worse in exams. None of my children have been at a mixed school. All the best schools in the country are single sexed which says it all. Plenty of chances to meet children outside school of the opposite sex.

Xenia, did your ex husband go to a single sex school?

I think so - it was a rather poor state grammar - some areas of the country had mostly just grammar schools but lots of them which were not very good, and most of the schools in which he has taught have been single sex. My daughter shared a school coach with the boys school - Haberdashers boys and girls are on next door sites. That seems to work fine and neither of my girls at university had any problem with getting boyfriends but they like me didn't have a boyfriend until over 17 or 18 and I don't think that's necessarily wrong. And they had a horse each which may be helped them go the way of their studies and exercise rather than pregnancy, contraception etc... although I thikn it's more hormonal. My mother's periods in 1939 started aged 10 and she had boyfriends early. My daughter was 14.

ScaryTeacher - I thought that research had been superceded now, and that there is in fact little evidence that boys and girls have such a marked effect on each other's education?

I went to a single sex school, and found that the feeeling of solidairity apart from the boys gave me a god perspective. There were boys on the school bus, and in the outside activities I took part in. I wouldn't be swung by single sex or mixed in choosing DS's school.

I wonder about this

maybe the difference is comparable to working around blokes all the time, living with blokes, knowing blokes in an everyday way,
and JUST socialising with or dating blokes.

I had no brothers and few male friends. I had no idea that boys were just people. I wish I had encountered them in everyday life and understood that we could be friends rather than seeing any bloke as a potential boyfriend.

But there are girls who are less affected by the segregation and somehow know how to behave.

I think you need to go by your individual child...some have a great social sensibility and grounding and therefore might want to concentrate more on the academic side sans boys.

Some are great academically, very clever etc but crap socially and thatw as me, I could have done with more of a social education.

Flightattendant - I went from 7 years of all-girls boarding school to a gap year where I was one of 7 girls out of 70 students. I had no idea how to treat boys other than 'just people'.
Which I think was a good thing on balance (also no brothers, few male friends, etc). Meant I ended up with a lot of the guys being 'just friends' when we might have otherwise ended up in relationships. One of the boys and I figured it out eventually.

My school did have various social events with nearby boys' schools, although until 6th form it was generally only music stuff so I wasn't involved, but my friends' verdict was that 14-year-old boys en masse weren't exactly great. By 6th form they were somewhat more interesting.

I know people who went to single-sex boarding schools which then became mixed, and they didn't care about the other sex being around, but the staff started clamping down and wanting to know exactly where you were at all times, just so they could 'prove' to the parents that there was no way a boy and a girl could be sleeping together. Obviously any couple wanting to get together managed it just like they did before the school went mixed...

I wouldn't really care whether dss went to a single-sex school or not - I think they slightly cut down the pressure from other girls to have a boyfriend at all times, but that's about it.

flightattendant that's me as well.

Brainiac (at school!) but socially inept at uni (and also wasted a lot of time on boys so got a not-very-good degree).

I went to a girls' school which was attached to a boys' school. The lessons were separate, but there were a few school trips that were joint ventures between the schools and some of the extra curricular activities were mixed. I think this is probably the best way to work it because we still could interact socially (only at lunchtime and only outside, so you really had to already be friends with boys, but many had male friends from choir or French exchange or something) but school work was kept separate.

In sixth form a few classes were mixed and we could visit each others common rooms as and when we pleased. It meant that it was a gradual mixing of the two, so by the time we all went to uni, everyone had had some exposure to the opposite sex.

Surely it's more likely that single sex schools get better results overall becuase they are either selective or private and so 'cream off' the highest performers/those with very pushy supportive parents.

I went to a mixed comp and had no illusions about the allure of boys. But every one of my female friends who went to single sex school has had a dodgy background with men.

I am sure that most children will do fine in either environment and other children will be slightly socially inept in either environment too. Others may do better at one type of school than another, but it's really hard to say how big that group is or indeed who they might be in advance.

I do think that you can't assume extra-curricular activities will take care of the lack of school inter-sex interaction though. Lots of children don't do much extra-curricular stuff (especially the more introverted ones) and other children favour activities that are quite divided on gender grounds as well (like horse riding or golf).

I do suspect there's a tendency to blame school environment on social deficiencies when they might have existed anyway though.

All that said, dh & I were pleased to choose mixed schools for our dc after our own single sex education. But if it was a choice between an otherwise excellent single sex school or a mediocre mixed one we would have chosen differently I'm sure.

I ment there's a tendency to blame social deficiencies on school environment in my last post.