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Secondary education

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Original poster

Something that never occurred to me about single sex schools and is now worrying me

94 replies

Bomper · 20/01/2010 16:20

I was watching a programme the other week about children starting their first year of secondary school (as is ds) and the subject was budding relationships with the opposite sex and dealing with new emotions. A number of them already had 'girlfriends' and 'boyfriends'. It started me thinking about ds who goes to an all boys school. Will he be missing out on a major life learning experience? Is it going to be hard for him to talk to girls as he won't be interacting with them on a day to day basis? Anyone with any experience of this?

OP posts:
daftpunk · 20/01/2010 17:05

lol, Georgimama, someone else said exactly the same thing yesterday...am I really that bad.? I must go back and check some of my posts...

Seriously....the last thing on my mind when choosing a school would be relationships with the opposite sex, plenty of time for all that out of school hours...

mathanxiety · 20/01/2010 17:14

Social problems and incidents involving poor judgement with members of the opposite sex are really nothing to do with what school you went to; they're things that develop from your home and your upbringing really. And I don't think they can be cured by schools of any kind. Mixed sex schools have plenty of teens who have a great deal of interest in the opposite sex, high degree of comfort with the opposite sex, aggressive sexist attitudes, painful shyness, focus on studies and lack of focus on studies -- same goes for same sex schools. You really can't generalise.

I would choose a school based on its academic record and make sure my child had plenty of opportunities to socialise with members of the opposite sex if that school was a single sex one.

GrimmaTheNome · 20/01/2010 17:19

It does depend on the child. DD seems to be a sensible little soul and I think she'll relate to people of either gender just fine.

GrimmaTheNome · 20/01/2010 17:20

Seriously....the last thing on my mind when choosing a school would be relationships with the opposite sex, plenty of time for all that out of school hours...

Yeah... and they could be gay in which case they'll be happy with either type of school [ducks]

daftpunk · 20/01/2010 17:37

Ha ha ha.....

My dc would have to know what it means first...

YoMoJo · 20/01/2010 17:55

Girls are meant to do better in single sex schools, but boys do better in Mixed schools.

I went to an all girls school and think i probably did much better than if i was at a mixed school (im easily distracted lol) IMO.

I also had/have? a brother who would bring friends home, And i had friends with brothers, so it wasnt like i never spoke to any other males other than my father till I was 16.

However, i don't agree with single sex sixth forms - they should be mixed (which i think most are nowadays)

NoahAndTheWhale · 20/01/2010 17:56

Tbh I think DH who was at single sex schools from 8 until 18 is and always has been more capable around the opposite sex than me. I was at a mixed school throughout all my education.

NoahAndTheWhale · 20/01/2010 17:56

I did out peform him at gcse and a level though

ChocolateMoose · 20/01/2010 17:59

mathanxiety said pretty much what I wanted to say... mixed school alone won't make you well adjusted. I'd add that having a group of friends who are fairly sensible and supportive helps. I went to a single-sex school and never thought it caused me any problems talking to boys.

MollieO · 20/01/2010 18:09

Surely being well adjusted has more to do with your home environment than the make up of your school.

solo · 20/01/2010 18:13

I like the idea of no distractions in a single sex school. One of the reasons I wanted all boys for Ds. He says he would still love to be in a mixed school though.

I went to an all girls and was very shy around boys...soon got the hang of it once I'd left school though and to me, that was good as there were no distractions whilst taking exams etc.

MadamDeathstare · 20/01/2010 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Peachy · 20/01/2010 18:20

When I was younger (20 ish) my sisters and I alldated boys who had attended a private that whilst not single sex assuch,ran everything in single sex houses.MyMum remembersthat time as 'the biggest evidence for mixed schooling she has seen in her life'.

I won'tgive my viewws assuch as XP is indeed XPnow and we had a wedding planned etc....but I think girlsdo ahve a certainmaturing effect on boys, something they allseemed toalck,ebing the archetypalgiggly private schoolboys.

It'snot soemthing I woudl write off as an option for the boys,but if I did look into it I would want a schoolwith v strong links with a girls school and regular mixed events.i think ythat matters.

BigTillyMint · 20/01/2010 18:23

I went to a girls grammar school back in the Dark Ages and it's the reason why I would like DD to go to a mixed comprehensive.

DH, on the other hand, went to a mixed comp and is quite keen for DD to go to an all girls school as he knows what boys are like

Dumbledoresgirl · 20/01/2010 18:27

I suffered through going to a girls only school. My oldest boys go to a mixed sex school. But that said, neither of them are the least bit interested in having girls as friends and I am in awe of people who say their young teens do have friends of both sexes. Still, I think it is good for my boys to have girls around. I hope it will help when they do start an interest in the opposite sex.

rasputin · 20/01/2010 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnowTulips · 20/01/2010 18:30

i spent 8 years in single sex schools and the rest of my education in co-ed, at both the youngest and oldest end of my school career the co-eds i attended were a much more normal environment and my social awarness and basic social skills were better for them.

i found all girls schools absolutely hellish... really horrendous bitchy environments to be in.

BigTillyMint · 20/01/2010 18:31

Dumbledores, did your DS's have girls as friends when they were little? When did they stop being friends? Do you have family friends with girls the same age?

Just wondering if DD will maintain current friendships wherever she goes.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 20/01/2010 18:38

My DD has 2 DBs so her all-girls school is a place of sanity and calm in her life which I know she appreciates.

My DSs never wanted to mix with girls when they were younger and at a mixed school, so all boy made sense for them. Now my DS1 is older and at an all-boys school but there seem to be no shortage of girls in his life, so OP, don't worry. Teenagers find each other!

Much easier for me to send them all to single-sex schools because they have siblings of the opposite sex, so plenty of exposure to friends of opposite sex too.

But I believe the research still shows, as it did in my day, that girls fare better in single sex schools and boys in mixed sex ones.

Original poster
Bomper · 20/01/2010 19:15

DS has two sisters, a female cousin who is only six weeks younger than him (she goes to single sex school too btw) and there is the equivalent girls school just round the corner, with whom they share drama, discos etc., so maybe he'll be alright!! Actually, when I told him the school discos were with the girls school he said 'What for?' - Aahh, he is only 12 though, give him time.

OP posts:
Snorbs · 20/01/2010 19:35

When I was a boy I went to mixed-sex schools all the way through. I was excrutiatingly shy around girls all through secondary school

JumpJockey · 20/01/2010 19:45

I went to an all girls school that was 'twinned' with a boys' school. We hung out with boys on the bus, at home in the evenings, at the weekends... And once we reached 4th year (14-15) and had got through a lot of the embarrassing parts of puberty, there were lots of joint activities eg music, drama, debating soc. It's just a school, not a monastery!

Single sex boarding school might be different, but a day school is only half the day if you think about it, plenty of opportunities for socialising outside the classroom. Plus much less of the horror of seeing someone every day in the corridors that you dumped last week...

pointysaysrelax · 20/01/2010 19:46

I am really surprised this never occurred to you before.

MollieO · 20/01/2010 19:55

Ds's school does 'co-ordinated' education. Boys and girls educated separately but get together for different activities and school trips. Seems to work well.

random · 20/01/2010 19:59

TBH I don't understand why there are still single sex schools around ..seems odd to me

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