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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Something that never occurred to me about single sex schools and is now worrying me

94 replies

Bomper · 20/01/2010 16:20

I was watching a programme the other week about children starting their first year of secondary school (as is ds) and the subject was budding relationships with the opposite sex and dealing with new emotions. A number of them already had 'girlfriends' and 'boyfriends'. It started me thinking about ds who goes to an all boys school. Will he be missing out on a major life learning experience? Is it going to be hard for him to talk to girls as he won't be interacting with them on a day to day basis? Anyone with any experience of this?

OP posts:

pagwatch · 20/01/2010 20:00

at this thread

DH wentto a single sex school and persuaded me to marry him when many others had failed. he is charming and friendly and is a bit shy but with bothe sexes.

DS1 is 16 . He has been mixing with girls at school during some lessons for a year now but also the boys [gasp] have sisters and friends and friends of friends and cousins and mates...so he manages to survive the shock when he encounters one.
He has as many female friends as male. And all of his friends are the same.
Parties always involve boys and girls - have done for several years now, his group of friends has been mixed for several years too. He has had a couple of girlfriends in that time and his latest one has been for about a year.

DD is at a single sex school. Walking to school with her each day - and seeing the couples travelling in together and snogging before one goes into DDs school and the boy heads off to his - I am sure she will be pretty well aqauinted with boys too .

And it means while they are actually at school they can work and play and do sport and embaress themseles and be maths geeks or bad singers and not be worried about what the opposite sex are going to think.

I think malory Towers is not quite a mdern single sex school experience any more. I wouldn't choose boarding at single sex but then personally I wouldn't choose boarding any way

UnquietDad · 20/01/2010 20:01

I went to an all-boys' grammar school and didn't really have any female friends or know any girls to speak to until I was about 17. It set my emotional development back about 5 years. Thus at university, I was coming to terms with a lot of the things people come to terms with normally in adolescence, which made me a bit of a pain in the arse as a student.

I'm sure this isn't true of everyone who goes through single-sex education, though. But mine are both going to mixed-sex comp.

Hulababy · 20/01/2010 20:07

I can't imagine there are many children out there who rely entirley on school for their ocial interactions. Most will be involved in extra curricular activities nvolving he opposite sex, have siblinhs and cousins, sibling's friends, friend's siblings, etc.

LadyPeterWimsey · 20/01/2010 20:08

Agree with pagwatch - I think it is liberating not to have to worry what the opposite sex is going to think about you being a geek or a muso or playing chess or having a tragic interest in botany. I remember the sexually charged atmosphere of my mixed school and how stressful it all was, and how much more confident in class the girls were in my single sex school.

Also agree with MollieO - I think your home environment is more important with how to relate to the opposite sex.

Adair · 20/01/2010 20:12

Hmmm... in my completely broad, know-nothing-about-it generalisation, I would say the same as Thandeka

single sex schools great for girls (I went to one, and I think I turned out ok. Did lots of mixed social stuff out of school though)

-single sex schools bad for boys... not sure if this is because there are fewer comprehensive single sex boys schools..?

I also know from experience that if you have a girl's school in an area, it warps the rest of the schools intakes (ie 2/3 boys to girls) so that they are all a bit odd too...

So I think I guess I am 'against' for the good of society. Though not sure if I am principled about it enough to not send dd to the girls school in 8 years time... we'll see. At the moment they'll both go to the Academy three minutes away, according to my principles.

To the OP - get him doing some extra-curricular stuff quick - drama etc (and yes, I am surprised this never occurred to you before )

random · 20/01/2010 20:13

I think its normal to socialise and mix with the opposite sex at school and in your everyday life ...

LadyPeterWimsey · 20/01/2010 20:16

School is a pretty abnormal place though. Where else in life do we mix primarily with people born within 365 days of us?

random · 20/01/2010 20:21

I just think that boys and girls are just people iyswim ...my dds had friends that were boys and my ds has friends that are girls...they need to mix with their own age group surely

Adair · 20/01/2010 20:22

Agree, Lady. Though children do socialise at break and lunchtime with different year groups. And some schools are doing 'vertical' tutor groups (so mixing all year groups).

BUnderTheBonnet · 20/01/2010 20:24

I teach in a single sex girls' school.
We recently asked them (years 10 - 13) how they would feel if we started to admit boys to the sixth form.

80% said no way.

Bless 'em!

Not sure that's relevant...

oshgosh · 20/01/2010 20:53

ROFL at everyone quaintly saying that the kids can mix at drama club. We are in the 21st century now - have you heard of Facebook? The boys in my DS's single-sex boarding school know loads of girls.
Where there's a will, there's a way.

Adair · 20/01/2010 21:00

Well, drama or fencing or the church youth club where everyone used to drink lots of thunderbird.

cory · 20/01/2010 21:00

Hmmm..I went to a mixed school and I have to say that when I worried about being a geek or bad at sport or not as good at dressing and looking smart- it was never the boys I worried about: they weren't the ones that judged you and bitched about you.

daftpunk · 20/01/2010 21:03

Lol oshgosh

chatting in cyberspace is ok....but nothing like the real thing...

NotAPollyanna · 20/01/2010 21:06

I can only speak from personal experience bit I went to a single sex school and I do find I am incredibly shy with men such as friends' partners. This is putting me off sending my kids to a single sex school.

overmydeadbody · 20/01/2010 21:06

I'm with colditz on this one

Ingles2 · 20/01/2010 21:18

I went to a single sex grammar back in the old days..we did mix with the boys grammar up the road..but tbh we were all like dogs on heat when we did come in contact with the opposite sex.. I was a bit of a slapper really
That said ds1 will be going single sex and d2 mixed..I'll refer back to this thread in 5 yrs when I've had time to compare and contrast

UnquietDad · 20/01/2010 21:25

I think it is very "quaint" to assume that either that the sexes will intermingle on facebook (and that this will resemble proper real-life interaction) and/or that extra-curricular stuff will necessarily bring lots of mixed-sex action.

oshgosh · 20/01/2010 21:36

I believe that the young people converse on FB to arrange to meet in RL. There is no end to their ingenuity.

Original poster

Bomper · 20/01/2010 22:56

With regard to me not realising this before - in my defence ds is my first, still sometimes think of him as a little boy so had no experience of this thus far, as the opposite sex has not entered his radar yet, it had not entered mine when thinking of him.

OP posts:

paisleyleaf · 20/01/2010 23:01

Some of (but not all) the girls at our 6th form who had come from all girls schools were a bit giddy around boys.

cory · 21/01/2010 00:19

I only came into contact with the single sex idea when I spent some time in England for language learning purposes; and I did find then that the girls at the school I visited did seem strangely excited about the boys of the corresponding boys' school, didn't seem that exciting to me.

Clary · 21/01/2010 00:42

IMO yes.

I went to an all-girls' school and looking back it definitely altered my teenage and Uni years.

I went from boys and girls together at primary, and maybe budding relationships, to a place where boys were an alien species and a sneak to town to meet one at lunchtime a rare treat.

I went to Uni and gorged (much the same as doughnuts! ) but didn't, looking back, really know what to do and how to behave. Maybe I would have been like that anyway but IMO if I had spent my teen years with them around it would not have been such forbidden and unknown fruit.

DH went to an all-boys' school. Both of us attended 2ndary schools a long way from where we lived.

Our DC will be going to the mixed comp 5 mins round the corner. I am pretty sure our own education has some considerable bearing on this. IMO their education is about learning for life as much as passing GCSEs.

Dumbledoresgirl · 21/01/2010 10:05

BigTillyMint, sorry, only just come back to this thread. No, my boys have never shown the remotest interest in even passing a comment to a girl, not since the age of about 6, and even then they were very conscious of the sex divide and preferred not to mix with girls. My dd is much more openminded about being friends with boys (with 3 brothers, she finds it very easy to talk to boys about boys' interests) but at the moment (she is nearly 10) she isn't friends with anyone of the opposite sex either.

I think if your dd has male friends, she is likely to maintain that, or at least maintain an openness towards being friends with boys.

pigsinmud · 21/01/2010 11:18

I went to a girls school and it was a big mistake for me. I understand why my parents sent me as I was intimidated by boys in the classroom, however when I went to uni I was intimidated all over again!

I was very shy and it certainly didn't help me socially as I found it difficult to interact with boys. It probably helped academically though.

Dh went to an all boys comprehensive and he said it was hideous.

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