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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Dd wants to move schools because she's being bullied.

15 replies

brightwell · 03/10/2009 19:55

I posted earlier about her being bullied. She doesn't want me to go into school because she knows it'll make it worse. She's year 11 so it's a really important year for her. Moving school would be disruptive but equally so is staying. I know I'm going to have to go into school. She's away on a school trip in France, I'm getting very unhappy texts from her. 2 of the bullies are also on the trip.

OP posts:

Maggie34Behave · 03/10/2009 19:57

Can you get hold of the teacher's mobile numbers right now!?

Original poster

brightwell · 03/10/2009 20:03

no you have to go through a contact at school who will then contact the teacher on the trip. They are aware there's a problem, my dd had been made to share a 3 bedroomed room with the 2 bullies, despite asking the teacher not to put her in with them. She's ended up having a screaming session with them and my dd has been moved to another room.

OP posts:

Maggie34Behave · 03/10/2009 20:34

I'd go an complain about that... they were 'aware' there was a problem and they put her in the same room?? Taht is unbelievably crap. Hope she's ok.

PixiNanny · 03/10/2009 20:56

Let her move. I was bullied all through school and had a lot of grief in high school. I ended up having a fight with a girl at the end of year 8 and what she did to me was severe enough to go to the police about. They advised me to let the school deal with it and they did nothing. When I told them I was moving they offered to change my maths class (in which I was having trouble from other bullies) and a few other things. I went to a new school and even though I was bullied there too, things were so much more bearable.

I'm 20 now and have only just managed to get some confidence and be [somewhat] happy in myself after years of torment. Let her move, it will affect her for a long time if you don't.

Original poster

brightwell · 03/10/2009 21:06

She's only got 8 months left at school. She wants to college rather than 6th form. Surely moving schools now would be worse for her.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 03/10/2009 21:08

When do they start on exam leave? It may be more like 6-7 months. The problem is the change in curriculum and what has already been taught if she moves. Very difficult one.

Original poster

brightwell · 03/10/2009 21:17

That's what I'm thinking, if you count school holidays as well, she's not got much longer. I want the bullying to stop and I want her to be able to concentrate on her school work.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 03/10/2009 21:18

Can you find out from each of her subject teachers when they will have finished the curriculum and then let her go to only the lessons that haven't yet covered the curriculum? Some teachers only do revision from the Christmas/Feb onwards?

Squishabelle · 03/10/2009 21:34

Which moron was in charge of allocating rooms? There is no way she should have been made to share with them. What were they thinking of?

Original poster

brightwell · 03/10/2009 21:44

CarGirl that sounds like a good idea.
And yes...which moron put her in wth the 2 girls she asked not to be with...gggrrrrr.

OP posts:

PixiNanny · 03/10/2009 22:37

But why have her be unhappy? I'm sorry but I become nearly suicidal at 12 years old because I was being bullied; it's taken me 8 years to get over that and will take so much longer before I am comfortable in my own skin. She's older, imagine what it's doing to her self esteem at an age where image and popularity are everything.

I know that it seems like 'just 7/8 months' to you but to her it could feel a lifetime. Discuss it with her, especially the catching up with and completing work, she could have her subjects transferred and take after school classes if there are clashes. The school will react very strongly if you pull her out for her own revision at home. You can ask about that, but they do refuse more often than not (due to LEA problems I was told when I tried doing the same). They will try and fob you off with their programmes and policies on bullying, but many schools do jack shit about bullying in reality (and it sounds like her school is just as bad as my previous one considering what they've done to her atm!).

Please please let her have a say in this and think about her feelings. I know you're thinking of her education but her education will lack if she's not focussing on it (and rather on bullies) instead. Discuss it through rationally with her, come up with pros and cons, contact other local schools on her behalf and explain the situation and ask if they could possibly help and then keep her in the know and keep discussing everything. I feel like she needs to feel that she has some form of control over her situation and she's old enough to able to decide things for herself (with some guidance).

Summersoon · 03/10/2009 23:27

For what it is worth, I know of a girl who was very badly bullied in her (private) school - sufficiently badly that she refused to attend for a whole term. I think that this was when she was at the end of year 10. (I wasn't very close to the situation, I just know of the happy outcome.) Her parents moved her to another private school. This school was made fully aware of her history, took her on in the middle of a term and, despite having missed so much school, she went on the get several A and A*s in her GCSEs. She loves the new school and is a much happier person.
I am therefore inclined to agree with Pixi. But before you talk to you, I would make some enquiries with other schools to see whether moving her is a realistic option. If it is, great, talk to her and see what she says - if it isn't, at least you won't be getting her hopes up unnecessarily.
Good luck - my DD has just started secondary school and I hope that I never find myself in your situation.

Another thing and I don't know whether this is helpful or not. When I was at school rather a long time ago I was not very popular and often teased (though probably not bullied) because I was one of the top pupils academically and, I suppose, a bit of a nerd. I was very unhappy for quite long periods but when I was about your daughter's age I made up my mind that I was going to get out of there and to do that I had to get top grades. So I just focussed on that and I did get out of there, moved to another country, had a successful career and so on. Perhaps it is worth repeating to your DD over and over: that there is a whole wide world beyond that school and those people and that she should just focus on what she will be able to do once she leaves school. This is what I did and I quite literally left behind, in every sense of the word, those people who teased and tried so hard to put me down.

Best wishes!

katiestar · 10/10/2009 23:25

What does your DD want to do ?I would move her if that was what she wanted.Not a shadow of adoubt.They all follow the same curriculum and it will be much easier to fill in a few odd gaps in her knowledge than for her to cope with her studies being anxious all the time.

wicked · 11/10/2009 10:25

Have you looked at alternative schools? Are their GCSE courses compatible?

Would she consider moving to a new school into Year 10?

Mamulik · 11/10/2009 19:57

Do go to school, you have to defend her!!! never mind exams - she is suffering every day!

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