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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Posh or not?

63 replies

loosygoosy · 06/05/2009 14:20

We have two options at two extremes.The local school to us has a terrible reputation,we are in a good area but noone has anything good to say about it.The other option is one of the best schools in the country,luckliy my husband works there so we get half price fees but even still it is a huge amount for us and we have no idea how we will cope on a day to day basis.Would you risk it and just beg steal or borrow for a few years or just put up with the local and hope for the best?

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AramintaCane · 06/05/2009 14:26

How terrible is the terrible one ?

Original poster

loosygoosy · 06/05/2009 14:29

Pretty bad,I recently went there...kids swearing at taechers,rattling the fence etc..as we walked into a show...I have not lived here very long but every single person I meet shudders when I mention it.Although Im sure there are some very good teachers and students as well as the trouble makers.

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pagwatch · 06/05/2009 14:29

absoloutely impossible to say without knowing how you feel about the schools and if your child will cope/thrive/flourish.

When DS1 started at his school it stretched us but he absoloutely loved it and it was perfect for him so the stretch was fine. For any other school I am not sure I would have.
My DD tried for two schools - one was regarded as 'better' than the other - one of the 'best' girls schools in the country. We both loathed it.
It depends on the school

castille · 06/05/2009 14:34

Discipline and teaching are the two elements to look at in the state school, whatever the intake is like. If the staff keep the pupils in order and the teaching is good, it'd probably be ok.

If not, before putting your family in dire financial straits are there no other state options at all?

Original poster

loosygoosy · 06/05/2009 14:36

I know in my heart where she would thrive and where I would feel safe having her go,I just dont want us to have no life and be living for her education...it also worries me having her go to such a posh school,will she be able keep up with her friends?

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LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 06/05/2009 14:37

what does the Ofsted report say - look it up online?

Is your dh a teacher? what does he think of the school?

AramintaCane · 06/05/2009 14:38

It is such a hard choice and a gamble either way. My dd won an academic scholarship but we still felt we could not afford the rest of the fees. In the end we went for local. She is very very happy but that could easily be luck. I think the most important thing in the end is friendship will there be a nice group of kids that she knows at the terrible school.

Original poster

loosygoosy · 06/05/2009 14:38

Thank you,yes there are two other options,one involves different buses etc..a bit of a hike,but they both have long waiting lists (which she is on).

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pagwatch · 06/05/2009 14:40

my DD is at a posh school and remains great friends with her friends from nursery ( and her cousins too)
Many other parents will also be those who are stretchingthemselves to send their children there. I am neither posh nor snobby.
What does your DH think about the kids and the parents - that is always a big clue.

The only time I have ever encountered snottiness was at a middle range not especially academic school - some of the parents were revolting and the children copied that. If the school has nice kids and nice parents she will be fine

pagwatch · 06/05/2009 14:42

...I am not saying middle range non academic schools are full of nobs I was just clarifying that sometimes the poshest schools don't have the snotty parents.
(Some of the parents at Eton were really nice. Dh nearly fell over at that one )

Original poster

loosygoosy · 06/05/2009 14:42

My husband thinks we need to start saving,she knows girls from both schools and is extremely adaptable and intelligent,I just worry about her getting lead down the wrong path (as I did!).

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AramintaCane · 06/05/2009 14:48

You do have to think of the long term to change later would be very hard. Can you do it for all those years? You have to consider all the extras as well. Ski trips birthday parties - all the things that will keep her head above water socially over the years.

AramintaCane · 06/05/2009 14:49

BTW I know girls from very posh schools who became drug addicts or got pregnant very young. Those things can happen at any school.

Original poster

loosygoosy · 06/05/2009 14:52

You are so right,we know many of the parents and children,all of whom have been lovely and so kind to us.My daughter recently sat an exam there and I was so impressed with all the students who made us feel very welcome..I think as I write the answer is being made very clear..perhaps we will have to extend our credit card limit...!

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Original poster

loosygoosy · 06/05/2009 14:55

But then you are right also AramintaCane,that is what Im worried about...we are not in a position to do any fancy stuff..ski trips etc..and I agree anyone from anywhere at any school can get lead down the wrong path.

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margotfonteyn · 06/05/2009 15:33

Will she be in a slightly different position regarding trips as your DH teaches there? Could he 'volunteer' for ski trips etc and then may be she could go along for less cost etc.

AramintaCane · 06/05/2009 15:40

Thats a good point margotfonteyn. She would probably be in a better position generally with a father teaching there. Also, it would be hard to teach in a school every day and see those girls haveing such a nice time when you know your DD is not. That would be very hard.

Original poster

loosygoosy · 06/05/2009 15:47

Thank you both,my DH absolutely agrees,and Im sure there would be ways around the extra costs,we are so grateful for the opportunity of half price fees,would be such a pity to have to turn them down,and it really is such a beautiful school.

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crokky · 06/05/2009 15:52

It is hard to say without knowing the specific schools etc, but from your post, it looks like you'd be better off at the fee paying school.

Anyone who looks down their nose at you because they are richer than you at the fee paying school is clearly an idiot. I doubt that most of the other parents would do that anyway, but your DH could probably say what they are like.

My DB taught in a state secondary school for some time - like you say, there are excellent teachers there and also very intelligent pupils. He felt so sad that he could not teach the intelligent ones because some of the others were so disruptive - he was actually assaulted (kicked and punched), another member of his department was called a bitch, another member of his department was punched in the face and had his glasses broken. If that sort of thing is going on in your local school, try and get to the fee paying school - because the teachers spent so much time trying to deal with this sort of thing at his school that they could not teach properly.

Original poster

loosygoosy · 06/05/2009 16:03

Thats true Crokky,I think all teachers do an amazing job but they cant work miracles if kids dont want to learn and would rather spend the day disrupting others.Friends of ours put their children through private schools though and really regret doing so especially in todays current financial climate.Am just so confused.

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campion · 06/05/2009 16:33

You only get one 'go' at education - it's one of the most important things you can do for a child - and they do eventually leave (so no more fees if you're paying!).

I've had children in both sectors at different times and we somehow managed even though we're definitely not wealthy. I've also taught in both sectors and in a variety of schools and, in your position, I would go for the independent option knowing that she will be able to make the most of what's on offer, in and out of the classroom.

I now teach in a highly regarded girls' school where your home background is the least important consideration.The girls have a great time - I'm quite envious sometimes - whilst still receiving a first class education, free of the low-level disruption that can blight the school lives of too many children.

Lilymaid · 06/05/2009 16:52

Not all independents are posh - particularly those that have a good academic reputation. We too have had DCs at both independent and state schools at varying times and it depends on what schools are available and what schools suit your DC. From what you write, the local state school is not one that you will be happy with and not one where your DC is likely to prosper. Beg, borrow, work your socks off (I wouldn't recommend theft).

roisin · 06/05/2009 18:20

How old is she? Is she an only child? I would say yes, get saving now. Even if you can only stretch to send her for 5 yrs and then go somewhere else for sixth form college, it sounds as though it would be worth it.

Voltaire · 06/05/2009 18:31

My sons' independent school isn't in the least bit posh. They have polyester blazers and ties, there's no lake and there's no old-boy goings on. People choose it for its excellent education. It is one of the top boys' day schools in Herts which has a wide catchment including a lot of pupils who live in London.

Independent does not = posh

I wouldn't send my child to a rubbishy school. It's too important. Is the school your DH works at any good? Posh does not = good.

Original poster

loosygoosy · 07/05/2009 08:00

Thank you all,Camion you are right in saying you only get one chance.My husband and I both work hard and yes I think we will go with the Independent option.I want to give her the very best I can and right now in this area it means we will have to pay.Everyone I have meet there has been fantastic and I know she will get all the support and safety she needs to excell.Voltaire, yes it is a good school and no-one is posh that I have met, I dont see people that way anyway (just needed a title..),you are 100% correct,its just too important. Your replies have all been extremely helpful and I appreciate the time you took to answerx

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