Posh or not?

[loosygoosy]

We have two options at two extremes.The local school to us has a terrible reputation,we are in a good area but noone has anything good to say about it.The other option is one of the best schools in the country,luckliy my husband works there so we get half price fees but even still it is a huge amount for us and we have no idea how we will cope on a day to day basis.Would you risk it and just beg steal or borrow for a few years or just put up with the local and hope for the best?

Of course there are Dottoressa. I was just recounting an experience that upset my DD A LOT. But thank you for your sympathy.

Glencora - I am sorry for your DD. Being picked on for any reason is utterly miserable. And I am under no illusions about the delights of privately educated children - I was at an girls' indie school for 13 years myself, and much of it was unspeakably miserable: many of the girls were more vile than I'd ever imagined anyone could be. However, I'd tend to think that this had more to do with their personalities than the school.

LadyGlencoraPalliser that sounds horrible. We watched the Mean girls movie over the weekend ate too many crisps and talked. It was really fab. I think it is just a tough age isn't it. I can remember some hideous girls at my comp at that age as well. It is not a private/state issue. Good luck to all of us for enduring it with our girls whatever school they are at.

Good luck to loosygoosy with her half price fees it will be fab - go for it.

BTW codinbatter you are a star you made our weekend

Aaaw. That's sweet of you to say. Glad that you and your DD feel better, it's amazing what a weekend's rest can do.

You said yourself that you went to one of the worst schools in the country and you survived it. Your DD will be OK because she has supportive parents who are great role models. There are quite a few MNers who are happy to post that, 'I went to a good University despite my crap school' and feel rather sorry for those who can only say, 'I went to a good University because of my good school.' It gives them an inner confidence to be able to say that their sucess is down to them, not the Bank of Mum&Dad.

Gut feeling, not read every word of thread...

If my child was a low achiever, I'd send them to private (less deprived social group to mix with).
If dc were a high achiever, AND had similar friends attending local sink, I'd probably send them there, at least to start. They will mostly get streamed in with other bright kids and avoid the most disruptive types of other pupil.

A more average ability child, the decision would depend a lot on the mates they might have also starting at the 'bad' school, and their personality.

I was reading an article over the w/e and thought of your DD and her tormenter.

It was taking about trying to let go of being judgemental. "By taking pleasure in [others] perceived failures, we puff ourselves up for a few minutes in an effort to feel superior... we feel threatened by them so we need to diminish them in our eyes to resolve our own feelings of low-esteem ... or our own harsh self-judgement." It said that a judger reveals themselves by what they judge - looks, relationships, success, etc. So, according to this, your DD's tormenter's remarks about 'chav school' betray her fears about her standing in society (struggling to keep up with the Jones's? Dad about to be made redundant? Parents have recently refused her request for a pony?)

It is funny you should say that codinbatter. I do actually know the parents of he girl who was mean to my DD. They are struggling to keep her in her school. She has lovely parents who would have been upset to hear her. I think you are right about her fears. This is what I said to my DD it made her feel much better to understand rather than just feel hurt and angry. In the long term the girl who was mean to her will probably grow up to be lovely like her parents she was probably having a rough week as well for all I know.

It's a no brainer! Send DC to he best school in the country. You only have one chance with their education so give them the best you can. They will never forgive you if you send them to Stabville High when they good have gone to Westminster, for example!

Wow great response everyone,although it is not a no-brainer,this is a huge decision that will affect the whole family not just our DD,we have talked and talked as I imagine most families do about big issues.I agree you only get one chance for education but what about all the other majors in life..paying the mortgage,bills etc...This is going to make things pretty tough.

It is a huge decision and i guess it is only a decision because of the half fees option. I think the only thing you can do is imagine the DCs at 18 and ponder their view then. our decision to send one of our kids to independent realistically means prob no foreign hols for any of them for years.

i also think that once you decide to send them to independent the decision will be done. If you send them to a poor state school you may re-visit your decision weekly for the next 7 years!

Any other options- move to better area/catchments?

Another thing to consider is that it is not always a great thing to be at the same school where a parent teaches.I remember a poor girl who was in my class at the grammar where her father was deputy head.For example Once she won a prize for something and a big groan went up in assembley.Teachers were quite often harsher to her because they did not want to be seen to be showing favouritism or because of their own relations with her dad.kids were always a bit funny about socialising with her.
Also is it going to tie your DH to a job which in the future he might not be happy in ?
is moving to a catchment with better schools an option ?

It can be nice to be at a school where the parent teaches though, especially if the parent is quite a popular teacher. My mum taught at my school and I certainly never found it damaged my social life - though the daughter of an unpopular teacher did get picked on.
Presumably your dh is liked