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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Posh or not?

63 replies

loosygoosy · 06/05/2009 14:20

We have two options at two extremes.The local school to us has a terrible reputation,we are in a good area but noone has anything good to say about it.The other option is one of the best schools in the country,luckliy my husband works there so we get half price fees but even still it is a huge amount for us and we have no idea how we will cope on a day to day basis.Would you risk it and just beg steal or borrow for a few years or just put up with the local and hope for the best?

OP posts:
codinbatter · 07/05/2009 08:50

Congratulations Goosy, you managed to smuggle that one past the MN Thought Police. How come no-one is telling her to do a Fiona Millar? They live in a "good area" - surely she is the sort of MC parent who should be single-handedly saving the local comp, not running away to the private sector.
Can someone tell me how this works then? Is it OK to go private if you publicly struggle with your conscience first? Also why isn't her DH being berated for working in the independent sector instead of also single-handedly saving the local comp?

I'm not having a go at you Goosy, your decision is entirely understandable. It's the hypocrisy of the rest of MN that I don't understand.

zanzibarmum · 08/05/2009 14:11

Codinbatter - good point. My take on this a la Fiona Millar is as follows:

You should educate your children in the same way I did mine;

The fact that mine went to an excellent voluntary-aided school should in no way affect your school choice even if the only state school option for you is as Mr Fiona Millar describes as 'bog standard';

Under no circumstances should you send your child to a volunatry aided school with a religious character ('faith schools'cream-skim on basis of religion whereas my voluntary aided school only does on the basis of proximity and aptitude);

It is ok for my millionaire friends Gail and hubbie to move house to get into Camden School for Girls;

And don't go private - remember I didn't so why should you.

In other words I can only make sense of the Fiona Millar line on the basis of a busy-body 'do as I did' line, certainly not on any left wing still less or educational basis.

AramintaCane · 08/05/2009 14:48

Well i feel just terrible now. I send my child to a failing so called sink school and have no choice at all. Some of us have no choice.

Dottoressa · 08/05/2009 14:54

Voltaire is right: independent and posh are not the same thing at all. My DC's (indie) schools are full of people who are very far from posh (and, in a lot of cases, not particularly well off). Goosey - I think you are making a wise decision.

Metella · 08/05/2009 15:02

Goodness, I agree - my children are at a private school and the last word anyone would use for me is posh!!!

AramintaCane · 08/05/2009 15:16

Is there anybody else on here who does not send their kids to a private school.

Dottoressa · 09/05/2009 08:32

That looks a bit like a 'no'...

AramintaCane · 09/05/2009 08:56

It does doesn't it will have to go hand aroung with my scummy poor friends who don't send their kids to private school.

AramintaCane · 09/05/2009 08:57

I would like to point out that you do have to be fairly well off to have 24k hanging around to send your 2 kids to a private school.

codinbatter · 09/05/2009 09:24

I sent mine private for Junior but was not convinced in the end that it was value for money. They go to State for Secondary. It all depends on individsual circumstances: our secondary options were not so bad that it was worth paying fees to avoid them. Goosy's local school is that bad and she only has to pay 50%, so she has a different conclusion.

Don't fret Araminta: if your DD is scholarship level then she is likely to do well wherever she goes. You don't need shedloads of cash: just don't give her a chip on her shoulder.

AramintaCane · 09/05/2009 09:31

Sadly I think you do need to go to a private school to do well. I have been thinking about it over the past couple of days. I went to one of the worst schools in the country and did well. I got four A levels and went on to get two degrees. I work very very hard. However, without family money and connections you never really do that well. It is not about what you know but who you know. I now know this to be very very true. Most kids here go to the private scondary school and while their parents do not condider themselves posh they certainly have family money and help. My daughter is not allowed in the local spa when she is wearing her school uniform while the girls in private school uniform are allowed in. She works hard and is a nice kid. It will not be me that gives her a chip on her shoulder.

codinbatter · 09/05/2009 09:45

Chin up! She can always go somewhere decent for sixthform.

AramintaCane · 09/05/2009 09:47

hmmm if she is lucky enough to be one of the ones in the 17% that get five GCSEs

AramintaCane · 09/05/2009 09:49

Sorry I have had a few days of having my nose rubbed in it all. Some kids in her swimming club (she is the only one not at the private school) were really mean to her on friday as well so lots of tears here last night.

codinbatter · 09/05/2009 10:02

Oh dear. All sorts of mixed messages here!
So you would like your DD to go to the private school so she can learn to be really mean and nasty too?

AramintaCane · 09/05/2009 10:42

No, and i don't think all kids from private schools are mean either. This particular girl is. She asked DD if she was having fun at chav school. Then topped it off with lots of sniggering all in front of me. Their are mean kids in state schools as well.

However, I do think these kids have an advantage over my kid. Yes I have mixed feelings about this and probably wouldn't send her even if I could because she is happy. But they do get better results at their school. When you are surrounded by people who wouldn't send their kids to a state school if it was the last place on earth it can be difficult.

verylapsedrunner · 09/05/2009 10:48

Half price fees! Take it now, you'll regret it later if you don't.

codinbatter · 09/05/2009 11:00

"But they do get better results at their school."
No they don't! Thay may get better results on average but it is up to your DD what results she gets. Never let her forget that.

Chill and take a deep breath. All kids seem to go a bit weird in KS3. The best come out of it in KS4, the others take a little longer.
Have you ever seen the film Mean Girls, written by Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live who did for Sarah Palin? It's quite good for showing how kids get confused about identity, then polarised into bitchy cliques but then they become a bit more mature* and realise that it's all merely a storm in a teacup. Watch it with DD and have a laugh, a cry and a good heart-to-heart.

* ... Lindsay Lohan ... mature ... that's a whole other conversation

AramintaCane · 09/05/2009 11:06

Thanks so much codinbatter will do that. It has been a tough week for lots of reasons (not relevant here) so I am a bit down it would do us both good to see something like that. You have made me cry thanks so much for picking me up.

Metella · 09/05/2009 14:12

Araminta, it sounds like you've been having a tough time. Those kids sound horrible - I'm sure your dd will turn out a much better person than any of them.

AramintaCane · 09/05/2009 18:50

Thanks Metella

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 09/05/2009 19:56

Araminta, I feel your pain. DD came home from a netball match recently against the local private school and said the girls on the private school team had been laughing at her name. (It is an unusual name because it is not English, but not otherwise weird in any way.)
I was sorry for her, but it made me glad that she WASN'T going to a school where the pupils were insular and ignorant enough to make fun of someone for having a name they had never come across before.
FWIW I had (and still have to some extent) great reservations about DD's school (poor discipline and considerably below average GCSE results largely because of low expectations of the pupils) but I hope with enought parental support and input she overcome the fact that her school is substandard.

brimfull · 09/05/2009 20:10

Haven't read whole thread but if I was in your shoes I would send her to the fee paying school.

Metella · 09/05/2009 20:15

LGP that's so mean.

It is so depressing to read these tales of private school children thinking they are better than state school children. If my children end up like that I will disown them (after I've made them fear for their lives!).

Dottoressa · 09/05/2009 20:21

Oh come on, let's not turn it into horrible private school children vs nice, kind state school ones. There are nice and horrible children in all schools!

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