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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Year 7 Spring Term ....

503 replies

MaryAnnSingleton · 02/01/2009 21:52

our thread, part two - all ready for the new term !! ds goes back on Tuesday...

OP posts:
bellavita · 21/01/2009 07:38

magenta - fingers crossed that your dd puts the slips in - a trip would be great.

roisin - skipping lunch - not a good thing, but it is nice that he enjoyed the German Club - I hope more turn up next week (do you think they will stop the club if they don't get any more students?)

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 21/01/2009 13:37

Fingers crossed for DD1 today - they are picking the netball teams and she is eternally hopeful!

bellavita · 21/01/2009 14:50

Fingers and toes crossed LGP

magentadreamer · 21/01/2009 23:18

How did your DD get on LGP?

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 21/01/2009 23:57

She doesn't know yet - teacher did the teams yesterday but hasn't posted them up yet. So another day of suspense!
Has your DD put her slips in MD? They call them merits at DD's school - you need 80 to go on the trip at the end of the year. DD hates going up in assembly too, but is keen to go on the trip.

bellavita · 22/01/2009 11:06

For the second time this week DS has come rushing back home from the bus stop because he had forgotten something, despite numerous reminders for him to check his bag before he leaves!

I despair, really I do.

Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 22/01/2009 17:28

aw bellavita !
more friendship or lack of issues again today - am really trying to encourage ds to be more open to friendships - to approach people and join in, but I'm sure that's easier said than done. He is just very shy (but not once he knows someone) and says that he feels he can't join in because they are talking about things he doesn't know about - games mainly - he isn't interested in those things -he isn't sporty and tends not to like the kinds of music children his age are keen on - I really don't know what else to suggest,apart from what was suggested earlier in this thread,about making it his mission to talk to one new person each day in his tutor group..will actively encourage this and remind him each morning. It breaks my heart to think of him on his own, although I know he is easy in his own company, I really think he wants to be part of things -and I can see how important it is to have a few good pals -God knows I'd be miserable without mine. I wonder how much of this comes from dh- he is a solitary being,hasn't kept up with old friends etc,doesn't seem to need them.We have mutual friends,family friends but I'm the one who has the active friendships,and I do work at keeping in touch. Ds says it;s ok for me because I have lots of friends but I explain that you do have to give a part of yourself and be open to others..sorry to go on, it just helps to spill it out. He is sweet and lovable and I want him to know that !

OP posts:
bellavita · 22/01/2009 18:16

It's hard isn't it , I was upset for DS on Wednesday because he told me he did not have a partner when doing food tech, so I can't imagine what I would feel like in your shoes - bereft springs to mind.

DS isn't sporty either - although bless him he does try, but he is not competitive, just likes taking part. I am not sure though if any of his peers would like his music choice - anything from the Stranglers, Green Day, Nickelback, The Plain White Tees to the Jonas Bros.

He tends to hang round at school with the primary school boys that moved with him (that are in his form), but these are the boys that ds would ask to come around in the hols or go calling for them on a weekend or after school when the nights are longer/lighter. One of them lives in the next market town, but again, he asks to have him over and vice versa, although it is not a weekly thing or monthly just as and when.

My DH sounds like yours. I have kept in contact with my friends and he hasn't. Apart from one couple who he knew before I met him and this friendship has carried on for all four of us for 26 years.

When will you have a consultation day/evening at his school? Maybe it is time to mention it to his tutor?

He is a gorgeous boy MAS

DS has been playing in cricket tournaments every lunchtime but he has come home tonight without his pe kit - he has left it in another block in the school - arrrghhhh. He has promised to go look for it before registration tomorrow morning, but if he doesn't find it, there will be no cricket tomorrow lunchtime!

Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 22/01/2009 19:35

oh thank you bella - that was a nice reply - this always comes up every so often with ds - and yes, am hoping to speak to his tutor at consultation evening - I thought it was early next month, but looking on the school calendar it seems to have disappeared... ds seems happy enough really.. he is concerned about whether people like him - I said that surely the two boys who call for him every day must like him or else they'd find excuses not to come - and they always greet him with an 'alright T ?' - I think he just needs to be reminded to try to open up a bit and respond more to any questions/ try to initiate conversations - I am quite shy but I really do try hard at this !! I think it boils down to his being very contented with his own company,being an only and full of inner resources - at primary school he really guarded his own time and space - obviously the appeal of friendships seems more interesting now and he's trying to break into established groups etc...I've always worried about this but short of forcing him onto people there's not a lot you can do ..have asked him to think of asking a boy he has known since primary and who he likes over after school - he has had him over before when at primary. Oh dear, I am drivelling on.
Hope ds finds the pe kit ! thanks again - ds'll be fine

OP posts:
roisin · 23/01/2009 18:36

Is he very lonely and miserable MAS, just a bit, or not at all?

ds1 doesn't phone mates at all evenings/weekends/holidays and isn't interested in doing so. He's not in the slightest bit bothered and nor am I. By the time he's eaten, slept and done homework, he wants to just chill with the computer or books and/or argue with his brother!

He is quite confident though and doesn't particularly mind if other people don't like him - he thinks he's God's gift

Sometimes I worry about his social skills, though they are much better than they used to be:
Today he told us over tea that next week they are setting the Maths classes, or at least taking out a top set and having a mix around.
ME: That's great, that will give you a good opportunity to get to know some more people in year 7. Because you've got to know everyone in your form quite well.
ds1: Oh I think practically everyone in year 7 knows my name already [probably true] and most of them know quite a bit about me already [probably true - he's that sort of tall, loud, eccentric child that tends to get noticed]
Me: Yes, but there is more to getting to know people than them knowing your name, and knowing about you. I was thinking about you learning their name and something about them!
dh: [PHSL in the corner]

roisin · 23/01/2009 18:38

On a positive note there was a big lost property thing going on in the hall and he came back with a sweatshirt. I told him he should look for one without a name on, that was the same size as his lost one, and in good condition. (He lost his just before they broke up for Christmas.)

No sign of his coat or PA sweatshirt, and there weren't any unnamed ones to claim.

Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 23/01/2009 18:56

at that roisin !!
ds doesn't seem to be miserable or lonely, well maybe a little lonely, but not so that he doesn't enjoy being at school - he seems to have grasped what he needs to be doing and said to his dad that he'd spoken to a few people at school today - probably just 'hello', but that's a start !
Good news about the sweatshirt I accused ds of losing his gloves today only to find I'd put them on the radiator..tsk.

OP posts:
roisin · 23/01/2009 20:22

Oh yes and since then I've been washing his PE kit and discovered he has brought home three football socks

Do you think I should tell him to drop them in to lost property, or ask around on Tuesday at PE?

The only thing is they are doing gymnastics next week, so they won't necessarily know/remember whether they are a sock short. (It's not named.)

Or should I wait until he has footie again, and send it in his bag then?

MairiAnnSporran · 23/01/2009 21:44

send it in his bag next time he has footie

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 23/01/2009 22:15

Interesting what you are saying about your DS and shyness, MAS. DD is hanging round with her old friends from primary school - they are a good bunch and I thought she hadn't made any new friends because she didn't feel the need. But she asked me rather wistfully this week how it was that some people were just able to go up to people they didn't know and start a conversation and she just couldn't.
I said well, try just asking a question like 'what do you think of this teacher?' but she said - 'well suppose they don't answer me and just walk off?'
I like your idea of having a goal of speaking to one new person a day - I might suggest that to her.

MairiAnnSporran · 23/01/2009 23:38

Lady Glencora -your dd sounds like ds in that he wonders whether people will talk to him back. I think he's quite worried about people 'knowing' about him and then not wanting to be his friend, that he still has a bedfull of furry critters for example and plays with things he's had since he was small...silly worries like that. He asked if other children had imaginary characters in their heads as if that was something to be embarrassed about..aww
Did your dd get into the netball team btw ?

bellavita · 24/01/2009 00:40

Phew, DS found his pe kit in the block where he left it, but talking about rugby socks - he came home with 3 on Monday. He did rugby again on Tue lunch, so he put the sock back in the changing room (it was named, but he had never even heard of the boy in question)

MAS - have just noticed your name (am v tired, just got in from work) am liking it! There is a big Burns Evening going on on Monday night at work. By the way - DS has a huge spongebob, ET and a Patrick in his bed! I have to fight with them every morning when I make it

Roisin, I can picture the conversation with your DS in my head - made me giggle!

roisin · 25/01/2009 17:59

ds1 had a letter on Friday about a science trip about space/rockets etc, which is totally his thing. But there are only 30 spaces and it's a first-come-first-served basis forms/cash to the Head of Science. He goes in on the bus and rarely has more than a minute or so spare first thing, so I'm trying to encourage him to go in on the earlier bus. (It's only 20 mins earlier and would mean he had time to try and track down this chap.)

He'll be very disappointed if he doesn't get a place on the trip.

bellavita · 25/01/2009 18:04

DS would like to go on those sort of trips roisin.

He loved it when we went to the Kennedy Space Centre.

magentadreamer · 25/01/2009 23:15

Fingers crossed he gets a place Roisin. DD wasn't too keen on going on the school trip we got a letter about on Friday - a trip to see Peter Pan the musical! DD won't be rushing into school on tuesday to book her place

DD has really got her teeth into her reproduction project for science. She spent 2 hours yesterday and another hour today doing it. still not finished it but she's got another two weeks before it needs to be in. I was summons on a regular basis to provide drinks,snacks and does this sound ok Mum advice!

LGP - how did your DD get on with the Netball??

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 25/01/2009 23:57

They will be told on Monday apparently Magenta. We have had a nice quiet weekend as DD2 and I have been down with a virus and DD1 has done loads of homework and violin practice so I hope she gets her reward!

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 25/01/2009 23:59

MAS - DD1 still has her furry creatures and I strongly suspect imaginary characters as well! Reassure your DS he is not alone in that sort of thing, I am sure there will be kindred spirits somewhere in his year group.

Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 26/01/2009 09:42

thank you LGP - I'm sure you are right there ! Fingers crossed for netball team and for roisin's ds1's science trip.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 28/01/2009 18:06

any news about netball ? Have rung and left message with ds's tutor to discuss this friends issue - he is being a bit woe-is-me at the moment so have had to be quite stern. He says there's another boy who is often on his own in breaks so I told him that was a perfect opportunity to get to know someone - ds said he looks happy enough on his own so I pointed out that he probably does too - I'm getting blue in the face trying to go through strategies to help him.
I felt sad when he said that on school coach trips he is often on his own as they pair off

OP posts:
bellavita · 28/01/2009 18:40

oh MAS, kids eh!

So, this boy is putting on a front to make the others think he is happy enough on his own (when in fact he is probably dying inside).

I think you are going down the right road with the tutor - hope he calls you back.

Do you think DS would be ok going up to this boy and saying "hey, I've noticed you are always on your own a bit like me, but my own company gets a bit boring after a while, do you think we could pair up?" or something along those lines..