11+ interviews- how do I help my ADHD DD develop her answers?

[Mamalosingit]

Hey, hope everyone is not freaking out over the 11+ process!

I was wondering if someone can help me out here.

I’m trying to practice some potential interview questions with my DD, but I’m finding her answers quite underwhelming, if I’m honest!

She has ADHD and I’m finding it really difficult to get her to formulate her thoughts.
Her answers tend to be basic and lack depth, and she struggles to elaborate or demonstrate any real deeper thinking.

I’m finding it difficult to get her to express herself in a way that would come across well in an interview.

Has anyone else been through this with their ADHD child? How did you help them prepare?

I’m starting to worry about how she’ll manage the actual interview, and would really appreciate hearing from parents who’ve experienced something similar.

And just to add, please be kind. I’m aware there may be people who feel we’re leaving preparation a little late, but I’m doing the best I can to navigate the situation and support my DD.

I’m genuinely looking for advice and experiences from others who’ve been in a similar position, rather than criticism about what I should or shouldn’t have done sooner. Thank you.🙏🏼

I was you last year! The advice the mumsnetters gave was to ask get the book School Interview Practice and use it for preparation at home first. We got that and the workbook that went with it although we just did it out loud together. It gives lots of examples of poor/good/excellent answers and goes through what the schools are looking for - it takes all the ‘unknown’ factors out of the process and made my son feel much more confident in knowing what he wanted to say and how to get it across. And then the second step was to get a tutor for a session to practice - the idea is to have someone unknown so it makes it feel realistic. Some other advice was to get the school to help but that wasn’t relevant for our situation.

That’s what worked for us anyway, thank you Mumsnet. We’ll be getting ready to do it all over again with our second son this time next year!

Can you share the link prof where to get this? She has a tutor but I agree it should be someone she doesn’t know.

glad to see it worked.. what school is you DD in? Is she happy? I’m just worried and overwhelmed with all this..

Do you mean the books? I got them from Amazon, the author is Anna Wheatley. And yes, DS is settled into his school - it was definitely the right choice for him.

Maybe try asking one small follow-up question at a time rather than expecting her to give a detailed answer straight away. Sometimes children know what they want to say but struggle to organise their thoughts. Give her a little thinking time too. I'd focus on helping her feel comfortable and confident rather than making every answer perfect.

I think one of the most important things is to help her feel comfortable expressing her thoughts, rather than making her feel that she needs to give a perfect or rehearsed answer.
With children who have ADHD, open-ended questions can sometimes be particularly challenging, especially when they are expected to organise their thoughts quickly and put them into words.
A few things I would try:

• Keep practice sessions short. 10–15 minutes of relaxed conversation can be much more effective than long mock interviews.
• Use prompts rather than memorised answers. For example, instead of simply asking “Why do you want to come to this school?”, try asking what she likes about the school, which subjects she enjoys and what she is looking forward to.
• Encourage her to explain her reasoning. If she gives a short answer, gently ask “That’s interesting — can you tell me a little more?” or “What made you think that?”
• Practise storytelling. Ask her to talk about something she enjoyed, a challenge she overcame or something she is particularly proud of. This helps her develop more detailed answers naturally.
• Give her thinking time. A short pause before answering is absolutely fine. She doesn’t need to rush to fill the silence.

I would also be careful not to over-practise. You want her to sound like herself, not like she has learnt a script. If possible, I would look for a tutor who has specific experience preparing children with ADHD for independent school interviews. Someone who understands how to adapt their questioning style, build confidence and help a child structure their thoughts without putting them under unnecessary pressure. It might also be worth asking the school’s admissions team whether any reasonable adjustments or additional preparation guidance would be appropriate for her individual needs. The most important thing is that she should come away feeling that she has interesting things to say and that the interview is an opportunity to show who she is, rather than another exam she has to pass. Wishing her lots of luck! I hope she finds a school where her personality and strengths really shine.

Thanks will get it now…
glad your DS is doing well.. because that’s the part that I worry about 🙏🏼

I think people stress about interviews more then they should. We did no prep for it for my daughter (because she felt she did not need to). And for my ds we did one practice session w his tutor, but again don't think it was really needed. Both did well, got into the schools they applied to. One is at G&L and the other Latymer Upper. I think for some children, who are very shy etc it might help or if they need to build confidence. The advice I gave my dc was to elaborate. Don't just give a one word answer. This is your time to shine and let the school know about you. Another tip - make sure she knows what her favourite book is and that she is currently reading a book as well.

Yes that’s what’s I’m thinking.. she’s finding hard to or her thoughts and, I don’t know cause I’m her mother, but she’s giving me a smart ass replies which does not go well if someone was interviewing her 🤣

I love these steps thank you so much. I will be practising it with her… She does have an English tutor who’s helping and she said my DsS kind of rambles and drift away but I guess that’s the ADHD mind.

I don’t wanna practice her, but at the same time I just need her thoughts to be organised and explanatory because she’s only giving me four word or five word answers without explain explaining the logic of her reply.

Thank you for your wishes, I I just want her to be happy and in the School that will cater to her 🫶🏼

Thank you, but that’s the thing I’m having with her. She’s giving me three forward answers and I’m asking her to like explain and elaborate more on why she’s giving the answer that she gave.

Yes I think it’s a good idea to tell her. It’s her time to shine and let them see what they will miss out on if they don’t have her… Love this mindset. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

Also, the thing about books is that she loves to read Lottie Brooks, which seems to be the trend, 🤣 but I know what you mean by interesting books

Lol. During the 11+ my daughter was interested in the all the Jacqueline Wilson books. She basically read every single one. But I also made sure she read a few recommended books. And she enjoyed a few of those as well. Try giving her a book to read now that you select and perhaps another close to interview time.

My dc did the same at the start when I asked them some questions here and there. I told they need to say more. Who knows if they said more during the interviews...but they did something right as they got offers. I did make a habit of sometimes randomly asking a question such as - what is your favourite book, what do you like do to do on your free time, what are your hobbies etc. I would ask these when taking a walk or in the car or at the table. For example always explain why. My favourite book is X because it makes me feel inspired. I found it interesting when the character did x and y. Obviously, she does not need to memorize answers...but she needs to be able to think and explain why she chose her answer.

That’s the thing… She hates all the recommended books. We are giving her waters ship down which is a a bit more “interview appropriate” .. but she hates it.

thank you for this. That’s the plan at the moment… I will be asking her all these like questions to make sure she knows what to say or to just be able to talk more.

But it’s just pulling teeth to get her to say something when it comes to her personally… I feel she has a problem expressing her self and emotions so I don’t know if it’s just an ADHD thing or just her character.

If she hates Watership down....what about War Horse, Chinese Cinderella, When Hitler stole pink rabbit, Ballet Shoes? Those are some of the ones my dd enjoyed.

Are you a social family? That might help getting her to talk to more to adults. We aren't that social, but for example at children Birthday parties or when we have people coming for dinner the dc would speak with the adults briefly and I think that helps. Basically, any little bit helps.

Does she want to get into the school? You could explain if she wants a better chance she must make an effort to speak more. But of course keeping it relaxed. And remember not to make them feel like the interview is such a big deal. It is a chance for them to see if the school suits them as well. Think of why they want to go to the school, ask questions. The most important is the right fit.

That’s interesting.. we actually aren’t social and she’s always bickering with her younger sister which is even more annoying..
she loves conversing with adults
she talks non stop with strangers so maybe it’s me… what I’m trying to say is that when you talk to her, you can tell she’s different. I don’t know if quirky is the word.

I like the ideas of the other books, but she has this thing when she starts a bookshe needs to finish it. So will suggest the other after.

I keep telling her that you have so much to offer let the world see that and let them know that they should be after you to join your school not the other way round..

For me, I just want her to fit in the School that she’ll be happy in and that’s what matters to me the most.

my son was rubbish at answering me when I asked mock questions. But he was okay when gran did it. 😂

also found ai good for this. They asked questions and he answered and then it suggested improvements.

You've had lots of great recommendations but this is also a great book. It may be worth booking her a few interview prep sessions with a different tutor to just focus on that and nothing else. Edify Tutoring https://edifyempowertutoring.co.uk/ are a great company specialising in working with neurodivergent children so may be worth a conversation with them.

Oh I could have written this myself! For DD getting her to sit down and talk to me was such a mission. We tried with a tutor she'd worked with on a summer 11+ workshop and she spoke lots but it wasn't focussed/she would drift off topic. I ended up booking a couple of sessions with a tutor with independent school interview and crucially ADHD experience (happy to share the details if you need someone!) and I don't know how she did it but she got it to click for DD in 2 sessions (I was listening outside the room, frustrating thing was I had said a lot of the same things to DD were things I'd said/her english tutor had said but when this new tutor said them suddenly it was the most reasonable comment and DD could comply!). We only did the 2 sessions because we ran out of time (I left it till the week of the interview to sort- guess where the ADHD comes from...) but the tutor said she didn't need anymore anyway and she was right, DD got great feedback on her interview and she's in her dream school thriving now!

Regarding books, same issue (down to not being able to start a new book until she finishes the last- do we have the same DD? 😅) here and the interview tutor recommended graphic novels which worked wonders for DD as she viewed it as different to her regular reading books so she could have that on the go at the same time and she was able to name drop the last 2 books she read- northern Lights and I can't remember the other one, but I remember she was asked this question and was able to talk about the books. And the fact they were graphic novels meant she could get through one of them and part way through the other all literally the week of her interview! I do remember the tutor advised her that she didn't have to mention they were graphic novels, she could just say "books", ha ha.

Thanks… i’ll look into AI but I’m not that crazy about it to be honest.
glad to see, I’m not the only one she’s answering like that 🤣

Thank you so much .. will have look 💛

Omg she has a tutor that’s actually going to start focussing on interviews because we go on holiday and once we are back interviews start straight away so I don’t know when she will have time for all of this honestly.

I think all this is too overwhelming for someone like her.
But it is what it is what can I do?

I would love to have the details of the tutor you would recommend as well if you can DM it..
Will also have a look at the books you suggested 🫶🏼

Honestly I think most kids are probably terrible at interviews if you judge it with an adult lens. If you think about it, as adults it takes years of practice for technique and 10 year olds just have no concept of this. We are currently going through this with my daughter and her first round of answers were abysmal and she’s normally very articulate and chatty. She either turned monosyllabic or added in so much word salad it was nonsense. She also needed quite a lot of coaching to realise you don’t need to be 100% honest. Eg she had no idea that her answer to this question is bad… why did you pick this extract? ‘I didn’t, my mum did’.

I don’t think over-coaching is helpful either as they still have to be themselves and sound like children.

I don’t want to over coach her.. I just want her to express herself better.
she’s giving me 3-5 word replies so I dunno when I know she’s so expressive.. ☺️