DS has been put in a different group to all his friends for the residential

[Dogamadeus]

DS is 12 and in year 8 and they’ve got a 3 night residential next month. The groups have gone up and he’s been put with boys he gets on ok with in lessons but doesn’t really hang around with. His 3 closest friends have all been put together.

He’s really upset about it. I thought at first it was just because he wasn’t sharing a room with his best mate but apparently they’re in the same groups for the activities too. He’s now saying he doesn’t want to go which is a shame because he’d been looking forward to it for ages.

They did ask them earlier in the term to put down names of people they’d like to share with and he put his 3 friends. I know they can’t guarantee everyone gets who they want and there’s all sorts for the teachers to sort out, but I don’t understand how all 3 of them have ended up together and he’s the one left out. I don’t know if it’s deliberate or just how it’s worked out.

He’s not a child with no friends, he’s just quite quiet until he knows people properly. He’s known these boys since primary and they’re together most breaks and see each other outside school sometimes. He’s not very good at just slotting into a new group and I think the thought of being away for 3 nights with people he’s not close to is getting to him.

I’ve tried saying he might have a brilliant time and get to know the other boys better but he’s having none of it at the moment. One of his friends apparently said they were hoping to share a room together, so that’s made him feel worse.

It’s cost a few hundred pounds as well, which we’ve been putting money aside for, so I really don’t want him missing out altogether. My partner thinks I’m making too much of it and the school will have their reasons for doing the groups. I’m not expecting them to rearrange the whole year just for him, but surely they could put him with one of his friends if there’s space?

Would you email the form tutor and ask, or just leave it and encourage him to go? I don’t want to be that parent who thinks their child should always get their own way, but he’s genuinely gutted about it.

Our school don’t tell the kids until they arrive at the accommodation! Then everyone just cracks on with it.

Speak to the school op.

This is a pretty big thing at their age. My DS was a bit younger when similar happened and when we told the school he'd changed his mind about going they did get back to us to say they'd made a mistake.

They'll be able to sort it I'm sure

Schools have more important things to deal with than this unnecessary nonsense.

And yet as someone who works in a school I’d say I’d want to know. No member of staff wants a child to feel that unhappy that they’re considering not going, or to deal with this issue whilst away. It’s always good if parents tell us how their child is feeling. (But not demand a change that may not be possible.) Communication goes a long way.

Agreed that communication is important. I guess it depends on the schools you work in and thresholds for intervention. When I was a form tutor, I would have had no time for this as I was dealing with significant safeguarding concerns almost daily.

I think the school has made an innocent mistake. They will always try to put each child with at least one of their friends.

Email the tutor letting them know how upset your dc is and that xyz was hoping to be with him and is there anyway they can accommodate making a change so that your dc is at least with one of his friends.

My motto is; if you don’t ask, you don’t get!

I would at least email in to enquire, if he got none of his friends and the friends are all together. How is this fair? I would ask the reasoning behind it? Surely it makes sense to either put them in the same group, or split them. And if one or two children from the group did not want to be with your son, then separate those ones....but it could be they all perhaps decided they did not want to be with him for whatever reason....Still does not hurt to email in

If I was paying a couple of hundred pound for a weekend away I would want to be with my friends. You see it on here all the time about people not wanting to share with strangers on hen parties etc. just because he’s a child doesn’t mean he needs to suck it up. He needs to build resilience but I don’t think this is how. I would feel uncomfortable sharing a room with people I don’t know and spending full days with them without a break. Contact school. They could at least put him in the same group with his friends.

To add, who is organising the trip, contact them not his tutor. His tutor probably hasn’t sorted the rooms if it isn’t their trip.