I’m really struggling with our secondary school decision and would appreciate some impartial opinions, particularly from parents who’ve been through something similar.
We have twin girls in Year 6, currently attending a small, nurturing village primary school. They’re both bright, sociable girls who do well academically, although one can be more emotionally sensitive and both are understandably nervous about the move to secondary.
We’ve been deciding between two schools.
School A is a smaller secondary school, with a lovely, warm, welcoming atmosphere. Lots of their friends are going there, and I genuinely feel the girls would settle more quickly and comfortably. Academically, it’s a good school, although its results aren’t quite as strong as School B’s. We came away from the open evening feeling really positive. My husband and both girls initially preferred this school.
School B is considerably larger, has stronger academic results and a reputation for high expectations, discipline and structure. On paper, it’s arguably the better school. However, the size feels quite overwhelming coming from such a small primary, and I’ve worried about whether the girls would feel lost or intimidated. We didn’t get quite the same warm feeling at the open evening, although subsequent contact with the school has been really positive and they’ve made an effort to reassure us about transition arrangements.
To complicate matters, one of the girls has recently become more enthusiastic about School B after attending an event there.
I’ve spent weeks going backwards and forwards, researching results, behaviour policies, pastoral care and transition arrangements. My head keeps telling me School B offers better long-term opportunities, and outcomes but my heart keeps pulling me towards School A, where I can picture them being happy and confident from the outset.
There’s also been some pressure from extended family, who are adamant that we should choose the more academic school.
We’ve now submitted our applications, putting School B first, but rather than feeling relieved, I feel incredibly heavy-hearted. I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve gone against my instincts, despite having perfectly sensible reasons for the choice. But I know that the opportunity to go to School B is too good to miss. Is school A went wrong, they’d never get into school B and I would be beside myself that I threw away their chance to be there.
I know children are adaptable, friendships change and a school that feels overwhelming initially may turn out to be absolutely right for them. Equally, I know happiness and confidence are hugely important to academic success.
Has anyone chosen the bigger, more academic school over the smaller, warmer one and been glad they did? Or regretted it?
And how much weight would you give to your gut feeling as a parent versus results and reputation?
I’m not looking for someone to make the decision for me. I’d just really appreciate hearing other people’s experiences, because I’m finding this much harder than I ever imagined.