Y6 picking schools tricky friend situation

[Tressyed]

Hi
Picking secondary for dd. She was previously quite popular but has become more shy and quiet over time and switched friend group in y5.. But that means we dont really know many of the parents. And i cant tell who she gets on better with. Its such a small group and will likely be split between the 2 secondaries. I wish they were all going to the same one as my eldest had a lot of friendship issues. And the split will likely leave dd as 3rd wheel... Both schools are big and if they arent placed in same class initially they are unlikely to be with those people except at breaks.
As relatively rural kids seem to stick woth local friends from primary rather than branching out at secondary

I feel it would all be a lot clearer by end of y6 so having to pick so early is frustrating!

Pick the school you think suits her best.
Worry about friends after places are issued.

Most friendships will change when they start secondary anyway, I’d just pick whichever school you like better for your daughter regardless of current friendships.

As others have said friendships change a lot at secondary - mine don’t hang out with anyone they went to primary with. I would pick whichever you think will be most suited to her and not worry about friendship groups for now .

Pick the school that you feel will offer the best opportunities for your daughter.

Pick the best school for your child.
I’m it sure how you knowing their parents would affect this decision? Surely your DD know which people she likes better than others, what does she say?
Friendships change all the time. Big life choices shouldn’t be made on the basis of who else might be there. Not at this age anyway.

Yeh IME kids at secondary make new friends. List the best school for your DD – based on other factors such as subjects, results, distance (walkable? easy bus?) progress of students, extra-curricular offer, facilities, feeling when you went there, what the students said at the open day and anything else that is important to you.

Friends would be well down my list. There will be lots of new friends for her at secondary, perhaps with interests close to her own (that's the beauty of a bigger school). None of my DC stayed friends with their primary best pals.

As PP have said, I would go for which school suits DD best. Are there open evenings? If so take her and look round them all and let her choose which feels best for her.

There is no guarantee that she will be placed with friends even if she chooses the same school as her friends. They often mix schools up round us a bit so there are people from every school in each form.

You will find she will make new friends, very few kids stick with the same primary school friends when they get to secondary. Almost all branch out and whilst they may stay with a couple of the primary school friends they always end up making friends with others too.

Our nephew surprised us all the other year when he decided to go to a completely different secondary school to all his primary school friends. He was bowled over with the sport offer and P.E facilities and chances to play in teams at the one he chose. He later admitted to my SIL that he was ready for a change of friends and image (he was very shy when younger but really came out of himself in yr 4 and got really into football but was always known as the shy one at school so wasn't really picked for the school football teams despite been rather good and playing at local level in a team in a different town, the primary school team was dominated by boys who played for his local town team and he never made the cut as his parents weren't pally pally with the coach).

You may find this might happen with DD. It did with me but at college. I went to a completely different college to all my friends because I just wanted a fresh start at friendships.

I think you’d be mad to pick a secondary on the basis of friends. Girls can be so changeable with their friendships and you never really know what other parents will choose. You really need the schools that suits her the best.

I had no friends in my form when I started secondary in 1997, and in fact my friends were all in the other half of the year so even when thte mixed us for various lessons I didn't have any with them, but they all had each other.

The first friend I made from my form is still one of my closest friends now, as are the primary school friends. Other people that did have a best friend in their form still made other friends and drifted apart. Unfortunately we can't tell the future!