How long did it take your child to make friends?

[Nettle80]

My daughter has just started year 10 at a new school. She was bullied at her old one & it really affected her. She hasn’t made a single friend at her new school. She tells me she sits in the toilet at break and lunch times. Everyday I tell her to try chat to people, which she does if people chat first but nothing comes of it. She used to be quite talkative but stopped (didn’t want to draw the bullies attention to her) she cries every night & everyday I tell her it will get better & she’ll make friends soon & I’m starting to think maybe she won’t. If you’ve had a child start a new school, how long did it take for them to make friends?

I never did. Changed schools multiple times, bullied at all of them. Was always the new girl even after five years. Affected me all my life.

It’s hard to just start chatting to people. Has she joined any clubs?

Can she sign up to some clubs? Better chance of meeting like minded people there. Starting small can rebuild her confidence.
it’s so sad when your DC struggles with friendships, you feel helpless

@Nettle80i just wanted to offer something supportive (& a bit more positive) to you and your daughter. Starting a new school is daunting and even more so after bullying.
It is possible she will make friends though. My DD is in the same year group as yours and a new starter has joined their 'lunch table' recently. They are quite a quiet and welcoming friend group and are open to new people. It can work out. A few things i would think about.
*Is the library or any similar spaces open at lunch or break? If they are i would encourage your daughter to go. Anything is better than hiding in the toilet. She might strike up a conversation with someone & at least she can get some homework done.
*Are there any lunchtime clubs she would consider?
*I'd contact the school explain the background . Ask if there are any spaces students can go to at lunch/break. I know at my DD's school there are spaces beyond the general ones that are open to students finding things a bit tricky.
It is hard, but i would really encourage her to try and go somewhere that isnt the toilets - at least then there is a chance she will getting chatting to someone.

This is awful
How is your daughter getting on op?

Does she have a guidance teacher?

I would consider reaching out to them to ask if there is anything they can suggest, you'd be surprised by how much can be discreetly done behind the scenes. I have a DD your DDs age, who is quite quiet and non threatening, considered nice, I think, and her friendship group has a few people who are new starts who have been sat next to them, they've been asked to show around etc. On the other side, I have a DS who was bullied and I know his guidance teacher (same one) is discreetly moving him next to the sweet, kind kids, putting notes on Class charts for the teacher to sit next to X and away from Y - a natural group is forming as a result.

Also, it can really help with perspective to have hobbies and friends outside school. Bullying takes up a lot more space and your idea of yourself if school is your whole world. I'd consider encouraging her to do other hobbies, it's practice making friends without the "all or nothing" pressure of school and will give her a place where school dynamics are less relevant.

Good luck to you and your DD.

I think it depends on the personality and age. Dd changed schools after one term in reception and made friends straight away. Easier then though because kids did not form friendship groups yet. I think year 10 it might be more tricky. But also it depends as some years like new people if they are interesting etc.