Child currently without a school place

[Pamela7814]

Hi there

My child is currently not in education - she has been at home waiting for a year 9 school place since October.

Bit of background - my daughter is bright but got overwhelmed at the 11+ exam and didn't pass the English score. She was offered a comprehensive school that wasn't in our area (due to local school being heavily oversubscribed) so she took tests at an independent school which she scored highly in and received a Heads Award (discounted fees) to attend there. We decided that's where she would go - it wasn't as though we had a pot of cash, it was always going to be hard, but with the increase in VAT fees it proved to be impossible and we eventually had to withdraw her.

She was naturally very upset at leaving her school - she thrives in a school setting and has always loved school.

Once she was without a school place, she was offered a school by the local borough. The school she was offered is a bus ride away (so nothing out of the ordinary there) but requires improvement in all areas and having read the Offsted in full and spoken at length with my aunt who worked there, and parents of children who attended, we rejected the offer. I also spoke to a contact dealing with children lost in education and she agreed that this school would likely be to her detriment. My daughter was adamant she did not want to attend this school (I believe her and her friends have had trouble on buses with some children from here).

She is currently first on the waiting list at the local school (she has 2 siblings there) but an appeal held last week was rejected. I haven't received the reasons yet but I'm thinking it's because they believe I have put all my eggs in one basket and not applied to other schools.

Another bit of background - my daughter has been referred by the doctor regarding her anxiety. It's been a anxious time for her not knowing if or when she will get a school place and she is constantly worried about this - since she's been off of school she has been bed wetting, getting stomach aches and biting her nails (also mentioned in front of the doctor that she cries before going to sleep often). I feel like I have to tread carefully as she is only wanting to attend this one school, stressing that she wants to be with her siblings and friends currently at the school (by friends, I mean children she knew from primary school and shares the odd text message with). She also wants to be local and gets very upset when I mention listing her at other schools.

As it happens, I called other schools after the appeal hearing (just for information) and all are full with waiting lists in the area, except the one offered.

I'm sorry this is so long, I would just appreciate any advice at all on what I can be doing in the meantime while we just sit here waiting and hoping (and her getting more anxious). I haven't got the money for online school at the moment. I have books, ixl and am using oak online classes but her focus is waning and I'm so worried that she isn't socialising.

Some people have said that it's really year 10 and 11 that matter (GCSE's) but I don't even know if she'll have a place by then, and how much damage will have been done by that point. I have a full time job that have allowed me to work at home so that I can be with her, but I need to keep this job and this isn't an arrangement I can sustain.

I still feel that a place at the school offered would cause far more upset than it would cure.

Any advice would be gratefully received - even if it's to tell me there are far bigger things to stress about. If anyone has been, or is in, a similar position I'd love to hear from you.

Thank you if you read this far....

The problem is that she was offered a school, which you rejected, so the LA has no further responsibility to find a school place for your daughter. Are there other schools you would accept? If so, apply for an in year place and get on waiting lists and hope that something comes up sooner rather than later.

I'm not sure I can help, other than say that if you reject a place, the local authority have done their job by offering it to you.
I haven't received the reasons yet but I'm thinking it's because they believe I have put all my eggs in one basket and not applied to other schools.
This won't be the case, so you can stop worrying about that. Even if they privately think that (& they would be correct) that won't be the reason.

It sounds like her anxiety is the main issue here. She is fixated on one school due to friends and siblings, but realistically she could go there and not see them at all during the day. There are no guarantees that, even if she'd got a place, that she might not feel differently once she started.

As you clearly have some money, can you use this for therapy/other mental health support? If your DD is able to manage her anxiety better, she will hopefully feel more open to other options.
I would also put her name down on the waiting list for every school in the area that you (not DD) would consider. If a place does come up, at least you have an option.

Yes as PP say, once you reject the LA offered school it has no obligation to find a school for your DD. And also it’s certainly not the case that your appeal was rejected for the reason you give. Each appeal is dealt with in isolation and the panel will not have considered any other applications.

What can you do? You have pretty much the following options:

• Accept the offered school even as a temporary measure. Have you been for a look round? RI is not the end of the world.
• Go on the list for other local schools and appeal for them
• Home educate – this is more than possible in KS4 tho it is challenging, but I know a number of families who have had great success. However, they have been willing to spend ££ on tutors for specific subjects or an online school like King’s InterHigh.
• Wait and hope a place comes up at the local school. If she is first on the WL that may be this year. Of course it may not.

I hope for your DD's sake you are able to sort it.
x-post with @redskyAtNigh but good suggestion about some therapy – that might help her be less anxious about accepting the offered school (which would be the best option IMHO).

Yes, I've tried to explain that to her and constantly trying to encourage and big up other schools. I'm hoping with time that she will come around to the idea but having spoken to the closest schools they've more or less told me I will be at the lower end of a very long list (being without siblings and further out of catchment).

I'm not sure where you assumed I have money. This whole situation has come about because we are suffering financially. Business drastically suffered after covid. I'm currently holding down two jobs (one full time and one at weekends) just to keep things ticking over. We are waiting to see a therapist for her, although I'm not sure of the wait.

Thank you for your advice re putting her on every list - I think regardless of what they have said, I should do that anyway, just incase.

Thank you for this - really appreciate your advice.

Kings have been recommended to us quite a few times. I'm hoping we will be in a better financial situation in the not too distant future and can run with this if all else fails (I know it can be slimmed down to 3 core subjects too). Do the families you mention have issues with the social side of things with Home schooling? I don't know if I'm over-worrying about this.

I agree about RI - often it can be a good thing as it will no doubt receive additional funding and be on the up. In all honesty, when I speak to the professionals (different departments of the education system) they don't give me any reason to believe I made the wrong decision in rejecting it. I almost wish someone would.

If you had some money towards fees could you supplement the offered school with either tuition or extracurricular activities? You are in danger of feeding her anxiety about leaving/moving by refusing that place. The appeal decision is likely to be that on balance the detriment to the school and pupils there outweighed your arguments for a place for dd.

A friend used King’s when their DC was diagnosed with ASC and was really struggling at school; the DC did really well with King’s and was involved in lots of social groups as well. It was a bit different tho as they had been at school until IIRC late in year 9 and had lots of connections already which they were then able to keep up; I think to carry on a social life when you are a teen is probably less of an issue than social interaction for a DC who has never been at school.

Other families I know who use or have used tutors have made huge efforts to support their DC in social hobbies as well. As an example, in one family I worked with, all three DC were passionately involved in a specific sport, which at least one of them has gone on to make their career.

Just a couple of examples.

You say you have been advised to avoid the offered school – have you and your DD visited it? If it seems it might be acceptable and she ends up staying there for GCSEs, that's only just over two years and she could move for sixth form. Would that be better than two years at home waiting on a pace elsewhere? That's what you need to ask yourselves i guess.

Thank you. Would they be correct though?

When I was in the appeal and they hinted this, I did feel like a fool (although obviously have my reasons with her mind-set right now) - but then because she is first on the waiting list (and has been since day 1) at the local school with her siblings, I thought this would be the logical route for her. One of the schools they mentioned isn't even in our borough.

Because I felt like an idiot I called the schools the next morning and none of them have a place - all more or less told me I'd have no chance because of their waiting lists and not having a sibling rule.

Ah, my apologies. Your OP suggested that you'd only withdrawn DD from private school due to the increase in VAT, so I assumed you would now have the money that was previously spent on fees available.

I've encouraged her to look at this school and she knows nothing about the school requiring improvement etc (I'm not sure this would matter to her in any case), so we've avoided feeding any anxiety (I totally understand what you mean and I'm conscious we do not do that).

Unfortunately, she and her friends (on separate occasions) have been picked on by children in her year from the school (bit of a target in their private school blazers) and this is only a few children, but she feels like they know her (I'm sure they don't even remember her) - I think there were four different occasions this happened and each on of them scared her (and her friends). They avoided that bus in the end.
Her cousin is also currently registered with the school but hasn't been attending because she is unhappy there. Neither scenario is helping my cause. She isn't even aware of my thoughts on the school.

I don't know why we ever thought we could cover it to be honest, but the Heads Award (discount in fees) clearly got us carried away. The VAT was just the nail in the coffin.

To be honest, I feel like we totally messed up. If we hadn't sent her to private school, she would have a school place out of the area but have a normal education and not currently missing in education. I would never have had to consider the school they've offered (I don't know of any child in her primary school that went there) and she would probably be in a grammar stream with a great bunch of friends and living her best life. I would also be working normal hours and not be rocking in my chair every night! 😫

Are you in a grammar school area? If she passed her 11+ well, you could also apply for all the state grammar schools. There’s often a shuffle around where kids aren’t quite the right fit so there could be space for her.

Having said that, it’s a shame that she is focusing on the bullying on the bus. The private school blazers will have made them a target. They shouldn’t but they do. Once she’s at the school, the bullies won’t even know who she is or where she’s come from.

Thank you so much for getting back to me.

This is how I'm thinking. It's this indefinite waiting period that is feeding her anxiety (and behind the scenes it's making me nervous too). I've been trying to encourage her to visit the school but she gets very upset (often running to her room and crying) and I'm reluctant to even bring it up. I'm thinking of arranging a visit myself (without her for now) just to see if I can get any positives.

She just missed out on the 11+ - her score was above pass mark but she didn't get a high enough individual score in English (a subject she was exceeding in prior to being out of school) so she didn't pass. I don't know if a CAT test is an option at this point but I will struggle to get her on board there too as she is wholly focused on being local with siblings and people she knows. I think that will change the longer she is at home so I can look into this.

These kids picking on her will have no recollection of her in different clothes. She is fixated on it. I know it was a horrible experience (4 separate occasions) but it scared her and she isn't forgetting any time soon.

I’d have thought that you should be offered the school place of your choice - since you have been displaced by the VAT policy. Have you threatened legal action? Our friend was in a similar position to you with a primary school and was first refused a place and then offered after siting the VAT policy. Labour says it wants local kids at local schools, local authorities should be held to account for this and class sizes increased to welcome the newcomers. That is what was promised.

How come she didn’t get sibling priority initially?

I haven't threatened legal action. I wouldn't even know where to start. Did your friend find this herself or did she seek legal advice?

If I'm honest, I'm shocked by the situation we are in. We tried our best to keep her at the school she was at but it was impossible. That left us in a dire state financially that we're still trying to get out of, and now she's stuck at home.

I see on the news all the time that they want kids back at schools, but I believe the children they are talking about are children that are enrolled at a school, but not attending due to mental-health and anxiety so they can't get them to school. The school can't free up the place because the child may eventually feel better and return to the school. The fact I have a child at home wanting to go to school seems crazy when I keep seeing this on the news.

Threatening to sue because of VAT policy is a complete waste of time. The PP's friend did not get her choice because she threatened legal action - correllation does not equal causation. Admissions to state schools work according the Admissions Code and each schools' admissions policy.

She is the third of 4 and the two eldest went to grammar school. She (number 3) went to private school and number 4 got the local school.

So, my youngest goes to the local school and now my second eldest is in sixth form at the local school (he changed schools in sixth form to be more local).

You would need to check the In Year/Occasional places policy for the grammar. She might need to sit another test. If she met the criteria now you could appeal if no place was available. Although do you believe it is a good fit?

I think the PP 's post reads that she did get her place because she threatened legal action.

That said, I don't want to be threatening anyone with anything - that would just add another level of stress I could well do without. I want my daughter to be happy, socialising and receiving a decent education. Doesn't seem a tall ask but here we are.

Thank you for this advice.

Being honest, I've held off on looking into this because it probably isn't the best fit for her right now. The time she's had off is knocking her confidence and she's always been unsettled by exams. I feel as though we are going to get desperate though so it's good to know and something we can discuss.

You rejected the place based on others experiences - LA have done their job

Your DD needs to know she can’t always get her own way. She didnt get a place at the school she wants so she’s refusing to go to the school where she’s been offered a place.

What will she do if she doesn’t get in to the uni she wants? Or doesn’t get the job she wants

She’s been offered a place at a school - just not the school they particularly want. It’s not like the LA have offered nothing.