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Secondary education

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Original poster

Agonising over this choice - move Year 8 DS to a different school??

73 replies

WildPatience · 22/01/2026 17:22

Help me make this decision - finding it impossible!!
DS 13 is in Y8 is at a local comp. He's been offered a place at an Outstanding and highly sought-after school around a 40-minute (public transport) commute away because his sister is doing A-levels there. We applied thinking it would be a great idea and now not sure.

Current situation: He's quite academic and generally bored and frustrated in quite a few lessons due to disruption and generally poor teaching. It's not a terrible school but the majority of teachers are young and inexperienced (though a few are great). Science teaching seems abysmal - they can't attract and retain qualified teachers. Lots of teacher absence currently. Head is uninspiring and obsessed with petty rules. There's no sixth form. DS is never in trouble and gets good grades but does the minimum study/homework despite being a naturally curious child. He has a lovely group of friends, a couple of whom he has known since nursery. He can walk to school in 20 mins.

The other school is in a different area of London, where he would know no-one. It's very impressive and academic, with better extra-curriculars, trips etc. Exam results are way, way better and it has a sixth form. Due to its intake, almost all kids live very locally to the school.

He's quite reserved and self-contained and doesn't find it super easy to make friends. He also likes his sleep and would need to leave the house around 15 mins earlier each day. But he's ambitious and would probably enjoy the better teaching and learning environment.

I'm so anxious about his friendships in particular - the impact of probably losing local friends, and finding it hard to make friends. I don't know if it's worth the upheaval. If he stays he will probably do OK in GCSEs, though would do better if he moved.

We have to decide by tomorrow. What would you do??

OP posts:
Needlenardlenoo · 22/01/2026 17:30

Move him. I'm sure he'll find like minded friends with a bit of patience.

Rocknrollstar · 22/01/2026 17:49

I don’t understand? There is no decision to take here. Move him now.

QuickPeachPoet · 22/01/2026 17:55

No brainer. Move him!

Tiswa · 22/01/2026 17:56

What does he think - he is 13 and it is a huge life choice what is his opinion about it

HouseReTurn · 22/01/2026 18:01

Have you asked him?

somanychristmaslights · 22/01/2026 18:25

You haven’t mentioned at all about his view on all this?

Buscobel · 22/01/2026 18:50

On the face of it, moving is obvious, if he’s bored, not challenged and not very motivated. However, he needs to buy into the decision.

Original poster
WildPatience · 22/01/2026 20:29

Thanks all for your thoughts. Yes of course we've discussed it with him at length. He'd rather stay where he is and he's worried about the long commute every day. However he will accept it if we decide to move him. I don't want him to feel like its (solely) his decision as that's too much pressure at his age.

OP posts:
KindUser · 22/01/2026 20:46

If he doesn't easily make friends and he's not really keen then I would not move him. If he is unhappy at the new school he will be able to blame you for making him move. He might make no more effort at the new school so nothing except a longer journey will have been achieved. At his age he shouldn't be solely responsible for the decision but he needs to want to do it. Also if he doesn't like it he may blame his sister too because if she hadn't gone to that sixth form, he wouldn't have to move.

Tiswa · 22/01/2026 20:55

WildPatience · 22/01/2026 20:29

Thanks all for your thoughts. Yes of course we've discussed it with him at length. He'd rather stay where he is and he's worried about the long commute every day. However he will accept it if we decide to move him. I don't want him to feel like its (solely) his decision as that's too much pressure at his age.

Solely no - your role is to help guide him into the decision but it is mainly him and the reasoning does need ti be what is best for him not what you think is best for him

all of the reasons you say are why the school is on paper better but I am uncertain as to what would fit better

the question really is is this actually a better school for him or are all the issues relating to him simply going to be moved over to the other school and have others added to it

user2848502016 · 22/01/2026 21:16

Seems like a no brainer to me, move him.

Is moving closer to the school a realistic option? If not 40 mins isn’t unreasonable though if not. My DD does about 30 mins home (20 mins in the car in the mornings).

starrylightts · 22/01/2026 21:18

Could you move him and see how it goes for the rest of the year - then move him back for Yr 9 if he's really unhappy. I wouldn't tell him that's an option though as he might not put much effort into making new friends . I definitely think you need to give it a go, he'll have to move for 6th form anyway,

2026NewTricks · 22/01/2026 21:20

Is his current school undersubscribed? Is there a chance you could move him back if it doesn’t work out? My gut says move.

DanceMumTaxi · 22/01/2026 21:26

I think I’d move him, sounds like the school would suit him. Year 8 is a good time to do it too. Time to settle before option choices and GCSEs.

Rumplestiltz · 22/01/2026 21:40

I wouldn’t move him. He has friends, sounds happy and settled and the kind of kid who will do well at gcse regardless. Move him for sixth form.

Original poster
WildPatience · 22/01/2026 22:19

Thanks so much everyone. Still dithering! There is a chance he could move back if it didn't work out, yes. We couldn't move closer to the school unfortunately.

OP posts:
cannynotsay · 22/01/2026 22:26

Do it. I was at a shit high school and could have done so much better sigh better staff. Move him.

NorthSouthEast · 22/01/2026 22:28

Move him!
He’s already bored and under stretched. Unless he can be highly self motivated to undertake self study, what’s going to change about the school?
What might change is that as he gets to peak teen boy idiocy age (imo, around 14-16) he realises he can dick about, mess round with mates and generally not be bothered by school. With no stretch or push what’s going to be exciting or new or worth persevering with for him?
Contrast with a school where motivation is prized, kids are stretched and kept busy, better facilities, more opportunities. And his sister is already benefiting and commuting there herself presumably. Would he plan to move there for A levels anyway?

Please don’t deny the adult he’s going to be an opportunity his young teen self can’t quite quantify.

ChaliceinWonderland · 22/01/2026 22:29

40 min commute across London? Alone at 13 ? No chance.

mismomary · 22/01/2026 22:33

Is it an easy commute? He sits on one bus for 40 minutes and usually with his sister? If so I would definitely move him.

Ivesaidenough · 22/01/2026 22:38

40 minutes commute in London is nothing. Lots of children do an hour or more. I would move him, he can still meet up with his local friends outside school.

KilkennyCats · 22/01/2026 22:41

WildPatience · 22/01/2026 20:29

Thanks all for your thoughts. Yes of course we've discussed it with him at length. He'd rather stay where he is and he's worried about the long commute every day. However he will accept it if we decide to move him. I don't want him to feel like its (solely) his decision as that's too much pressure at his age.

No, of course it can’t be entirely his decision, he’s 13.
Be the adult and move him.

OhDear111 · 22/01/2026 22:53

You applied, presumably because it’s a better school. I assume you know they can retain good teachers. Don’t move if you don’t have facts. If you do and it’s demonstrably better, move him. He will have to be up for it though. Travel and probably harder work. It could pay dividends but he’s making sacrifices so make sure the effort is worth it.

SuzieYellow · 22/01/2026 23:01

My pessimistic thoughts would be about how the schools could potentially change for the worse in the next few years. Don’t always assume that how they are today will be how they are for the next few years.
Sounds like the potential new school is pretty stable and will stay successful given what you’ve said about it. The school your son is currently at with the head who doesn’t sound amazing could potentially get worse if leadership changes/or doesn’t change and they stay.

minipie · 22/01/2026 23:06

I would move him.

Keep a watching brief, if he really isn’t enjoying it during year 9 then consider a move back. But as a pp says maybe don’t tell him that is an option.

Sounds like his local friends are long established and hopefully he can continue to keep up with them at weekends. Does he see them at any clubs etc that would help with that?