Good school but child is a minority

[Eudaimonia11]

This is so bloody awkward! Please be kind.

DD is in Year 9 at the best school where we live, it has great GCSE results and it’s quite a well sought after school. The problem is she’s the only white kid in her classes and one of only about 5 white kids in the whole year.

She has friends at school but doesn’t feel like she fits in - the school is predominantly Muslim and we’re not. She feels so lonely outside of school as none of her friends are allowed to socialise. She’s started army cadets which has definitely helped but she still feels lonely and wants mates to just hang out with at weekends.

I went to a secondary school that was pretty much 50/50 white and Pakistani/Bangladeshi. Most of my Asian mates couldn’t hang out outside of school but I did have two friends who were allowed out and we’d walk around the shops on a Saturday afternoon or I’d go to their house (they weren’t allowed to come to mine). It was nowhere near as bad as it is for DD.

Her school have a “Culture Day” once a term which is approx every 6 weeks where DD says she feels excluded and is made to feel bad about being English. She says every single time, she gets comments from people making fun of her for having no culture. Instead of the well-intentioned day being about celebrating diversity, it seems to be a day where DD feels like crap.

There is a teacher who makes jokes in Urdu each lesson (not about DD!) and that makes her feel more excluded. I experienced the same at primary school when I was the only white kid in the class, I remember how much it used to upset me but I didn’t tell anyone. Mr Hussein, you were horrible!

DD did have a school friend who she would go out at weekends with but she’s moved quite far away so they’ve lost touch.

DD is begging me to let her move schools. She’d have to travel by bus to get to the nearest school that is more mixed and that school isn’t as good.

I don’t want her GCSEs to be affected just for the sake of her having friends that don’t ridicule her for being English. I’m also worried about her starting a new school where she doesn’t know anyone halfway through Year 9. What if she gets bullied? What if it’s worse than where she is now?

But I can see how much this is all affecting her. She’s gone from enjoying school in Year 7 to hating it in Year 9.

What should I do?

Ahh no, sounds like a nightmare. Hopefully you can get her moved 🥰

i wonder what attracted the OP to this school in the first place and being that her dd is now in year 9 did she join in year 7 and how the past 2 years went?
i wouldn't choose to live in an area which is predominantly not of my own cultural heritage.
good reminder that you need to look at more than gcse results when choosing a school. i would think the school culture would be heavily influenced by the ethnicity of the students.

Thats how black friends of mine described themselves. Black British but not English as they considered that an ethnicity. I couldn't care less but they considered themselves British of Caribbean descent.

I wondered this too, but op just explained it was due to housing issues and having to find a rental last minute.

@Eudaimonia11 i've read your post as to how this situation came to be.
I'm sorry to hear of the move and lack of choice at the time.

Saying English is an ethnicity sounds like the kind of rubbish Tommy Robinson comes out with, as though everyone who’s white and born in English of English parents can trace their family tree back to the Anglo-Saxons.

It’s divisive.

Just because the school is doesn’t mean the area as a whole is. If it’s a girls school in particular that will skew the intake.

I mean she's right though. English is an ethnicity and a Nationally.
It's obviously not simple in a multi cultural society.

Also, I've always thought pretty much all English have Irish, Welsh or Scottish in them (or a bit of all).

Agree

English people are an ethnic group and nation native to England, who speak the English language, a West Germanic language, and share a common ancestry, history, and culture.

For the last fifty years the lowest performing group of children are poor white boys.
https://committees.parliament.uk/committee/203/education-committee/news/156024/forgotten-white-workingclass-pupils-let-down-by-decades-of-neglect-mps-say/
There has been so much effort to end discrimination against minority groups but not enough effort with poor white boys. There is an awareness that Grammar Schools often recruit from specific ethnic minorities and not from other groups (not deliberately). Wes Streeting has tried to highlight the need to address the inequality but there is an ongoing problem to ensure all children have the same access to high quality education.

But lots of white people who are English can go back that far. I would say I'm black British Caribbean even though my family were probably west African and enslaved. In my view English means white necessarily as it always was basically a white country until pretty recently, obviously with small groups of immigrants like my grandparents coming later on and more immigrant groups in the 21st century. Didn't realize this was at all controversial and think people are being unfair to the OP. We all knew what she meant

What I mean is that people of my background are Caribbean even though we were in the Caribbean later than white people have been in England, so why would it be controversial to say that English is a white ethnic group?
If you get me!

Ethnic group, England and Wales - Office for National Statistics https://share.google/DhQrOgGgJ6ob6y0hM

OP has used "English" in the same way the Office for National Statistics does, for the Census, so maybe someone should tell them they're wrong?!

Anyway, OP, I think you should move her if you can. She's asking you to, she's not happy, you made the school decision in a hurry and if you wait much longer, GCSE options will loom amd it'll all be more difficult.

I doubt that's true when you consider relative sizes of the populations. My family on both sides is from Herts and I don't think any of them travelled very far (except the ones who emigrated over the Atlantic from Herts).

Probably truer of border areas like Shropshire, the NE, Liverpool etc.

“Lots of people” can trace their lineage back to the Anglo-Saxons??? Really? Lots? Some aristos, maybe. I doubt “lots of” the general population can.

My mum was Scottish. But when she did her family history she didn’t have to go back too far to find ancestors in Lancashire. Her dad probably had Irish, from his name, but no one did his family history.

So - can she really say she was Scottish, ethnically? Should she have amended that once she found out about the Lancashire ancestors?

(She’s dead and I have no doubt she’d consider this to be load of divisive bollocks too.)

Well then they were being divisive

It is not about agree/ disagree- not a matter of choose and pick. It is about definition and you can find it online. English can be "by birth land" or "by parenthood". What you have in mind is WASP- (White, Anglo-Saxon l, Protestant) but in fact the English person doesn't need to be WASP.

AI quote:

1. By place of birth

Someone born in England is usually considered English, regardless of their ethnicity or skin color.

Example: A child born in London to Japanese parents is English by birth.

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1. By parentage / ancestry

Someone born outside England to English parents can be considered English ethnically or culturally.

Example: A child born in Dubai to English parents may identify as English, even if their citizenship is different (e.g., Emirati or British citizenship through parents).

---

1. By ethnicity / skin color

Being English does not require being white. England is multiethnic and multicultural.

Black people, Asian people, mixed-race people, and others can all be English if they meet the criteria of birth, ancestry, or citizenship.

Aren’t the ‘aristos’ Norman?

Modern white people from England are made up of Anglo Saxons, Celts, Norse, Jutes etc

Sounds like you’re conflating ‘English’ and ‘British’

Clearly you have not read my previous comment about difference between British and English, and you definitely not read carefully. This is a definition and not opinion. And this is basic knowledge that any Brit should have.

British is citizenship and English is nationality.

Apart from what is defined, there is also is identity but that is not pre-determined and I can identify as a Polar Bear 🐨 if I feel like it.
I am British as per citizenship and because I have lived here since 1996 but I never be English because I wasn't born here ans my parents are not English. Simple.

Have you had a dna?

I feel like I would be very surprised if you had no Irish, Scottish or Welsh. I think that would be incredibly unusual for someone to only have English in them.
I'm not from the borders either - London & the S.E.

Show me an official definition of the term ‘English’ and I’ll concede.