Panicking about strict school uniform policies

[AllGonePeteTong1]

In our area we a choice of two secondary schools. They both have very strict unform policies. My DD has a diagnosis of ADHD and Autism and significant sensory sensitivities. She has been unable to wear her primary school's full uniform all year (wearing a t-shirt instead of shirt; trainers instead of shoes) and the school have been very supportive of this. Their view is that her attendance and emotional wellbeing are the priority (she was having panic attacks when getting dressed before they relaxed their requirements).

She's now in year 5 and we have to apply for secondary schools soon. I've reached out to the Senco's of each school - one has ignored me and the other has confirmed that there are NO adjustments made - everyone has to wear the full uniform and that if my DD can't cope with it, we should apply elsewhere. Except, the other school is also very strict by all accounts. ARGH!

I really don't know what to do. We've looked into private options but they are either unaffordable, too far away or have similarly draconian approaches to uniform.

Home schooling not an option - we both work full time in very demanding jobs.

I requested an occupational therapy referral from her GP to help with her sensitivities. But just ended up with a charity via CAMHS offering 6 sessions with a counsellor. Not sure whether to try the private route?

Not sure why I'm posting really. But would be really interested to hear from people who have been in this situation.

100% this, schools seem to believe they're exempt from reasonable adjustments and their duties under the equality act. They are not. They have a legal requirement to provide reasonable adjustments to those with a disability. This may be relaxing the uniform policy for a child with ASD, or it may be allowing a child with a bowel condition more regular access to a toilet, or it may be allowing someone time off for medical appointments. Relaxing the uniform policy is very reasonable and requires no funding or additional work by them at all.
My only worry would be, a senco who doesn't understand this, and who isn't lobbying for send children to get the very basic legally required minimum support, is a MASSIVE red flag. Is there any chance you can view schools further away, or find a setting that is gentler. I suspect the uniform policy will only be the start of your battles tbh....

This OP 👆

She has been unable to wear her primary school's full uniform all year (wearing a t-shirt instead of shirt; trainers instead of shoes)
She was having panic attacks when getting dressed before they relaxed their requirements

So she is not coping with the ordinary demands of school. She does need a EHCP, and this adjustment has the unusual benefit of not costing the school anything, so it's more likely to be agreed (cynical hat on here).

My son has ADHD and ASD and was supposed to wear shirt and tie from year 3. After a week of him taking his ties and shirt off and sitting in his vest all day the Senco said she’d speak to the head about him said wearing the summer polo shirt all year round 🤣

He’s not the old autistic child at his school with that accommodation. He does have an EHCP and I do wonder about secondary, we have a couple of years yet though.

I did have to get shirty about other things (after a couple of years of mostly
being supportive) and throw the disability discrimination act at them. It was a polite firm ‘we understand this is the usual way but also you aren’t making the necessary adjustments for his medical conditions.’

All the secondary schools I know are cutting learning assistants and reducing in-class SEND support in favour of a more 'inclusive' approach by teachers (look up OAIP) so fewer secondaries will have a specific SEND area.
In my experience, secondary schools absolutely hold the line on uniform. Blazers, shirts, ties, shoes, shirts tucked in - all total non-negotiables. I work in a lovely school, oversubscribed five-fold, with a large proportion of pupils with SEND and I've never known even one to be allowed a hoodie or trainers.
To teenagers, perceived injustice is everything. "If he gets to wear trainers, then why can't I?" becomes the battlecry from hundreds of pupils and their parents, and teens are rarely openly sympathetic to the needs/preferences of their peers with additional needs.
I'd start the process of practising wearing the uniform items now, and def get the EHCP ball rolling.

I would go to the school open days - which are probably early in the autumn term. And find the SEND people there to talk to. You will get much more of a sense as to how the school might respond in person.

I'd also dig out the facts for which schools near-ish are under subscribed, and see what sort of response you get there too.

The AI generated letter above sounds good once you have a school that won't acknowledge the current uniform requirements are unfeasible for your child.

You don’t need an EHCP for schools to be obliged by law to make reasonable adjustments. One wouldn’t force a physically disabled child with one foot to wear two shoe. Stand your ground when the time comes. IPSEA an amazing charity source of advice on SEN. Sadly uniform will be the least of your battles in future

We had to battle to get our daughter into our chosen school ( where our elder daughter already attended) She had a Statement of SEN ( several years ago) a diagnosis of autism and SPD. She could not wear or touch buttons. At primary she wore a polo shirt without buttons or summer dress with zip.
At the open evening my DH approached the ( then acting) Head about reasonable adjustments he said “ May I suggest sir that you look for an alternative school as she WILL be challenged by my staff on a daily basis.”
She’d come so far and achieved so much I was devastated. My DH wrote to everyone chair of Governors, the SEN dept at the LA, her headteacher and the vicar also wrote to the school.
We got a letter saying that on reflection she would be most welcome.
Ended up eventually with a school shirt with buttons removed and sewn on to the other side ( not top one) and Velcro attached so she could change for PE without touching them.
She did so well there academically and made some lovely friends. They picked on the wrong parents.
Good luck. Make a fuss if you need to.

That is not at all true. The point of the EHCP is for your child’s needs to be assessed by professionals and understood properly, then laid down in a legally binding plan that follows them through their education, being reviewed periodically to make sure it stays fit for purpose. (I realise that’s the plan and this isn’t always a reality for people). To say she’s currently coping so doesn’t need one is insane. My son’s school is wonderful and move heaven and earth for him, and he has just had his EHCP finalised. In it is essentially the actions that school are already doing, but now they are legally obliged to continue, and when he moves schools or up to secondary school etc, his plan will go with him, and the new school can see whether they can meet his needs or not.
now, if your daughters new school gives the only reason that they cannot meet her needs as uniform policies, you could very validly claim discrimination under the equality act, and appeal to the local authority. a uniform adjustment due to an established and diagnosed disability would absolutely fall under a reasonable adjustment and I would be happy to fight that all the way to a tribunal.
there is definitely something to be said for trying to do things, and I agree with your supporting your daughter to at least try the uniforms and see if she is able to comply. However if she cannot, you might need to role your sleeves up and get prepared for battle!

To the PP mentioning shirts with Velcro and decorative only buttons - I have seen these available ready made in the adaptive clothing ranges from m and s and asda (may be available elsewhere too but I saw them there). Just in case it saves anyone some sewing!

Wow, just been out for the evening and come back to so many supportive comments! Thank you to everyone who has posted. This has made me really determined to fight my DD's corner.

That is absolute rubbish and shame on who told you this. Apply now and the uniform issue should come under reasonable adjustments in the meantime.

@Yesiamtiredactually Thanks for your experience of the EHCP. I'm just a bit confused about it all tbh. The application for a parent request EHCP assessment from my LA is all about proving how your child's current school is not meeting their needs. And the advice I got from her school was that she wouldn't qualify because they feel they are able to meet her needs. So I haven't sent in the application.

@24Dogcuddler I love your story! 👏

@AllGonePeteTong1but is sounds like shes only coping because her needs are being met. So ideally those provisions would be laid down in and EHC Plan.

My advice would 100% be to start the ball moving on the EHCP asap. It is a slow process and I know things like funding work differently in different counties, but from what you’ve said your daughter definitely needs one in place, as you’re discovering, you can’t rely on every school or every teacher/staff member doing what your daughter needs just because that’s what she needs or because it’s reasonable, you need a legal document to mandate that they have to.
your paediatrician will be able to support you, as will any SALT or other professionals you’ve had involved, they’ll be able to provide reports stating your daughters needs and how an education setting can make adjustments to things exactly like uniforms/timetables or an individual curriculum and specify what the goals are that they seek to achieve by making these adjustments, SMART targets etc.
it can feel a bit overwhelming especially when you’re being told by school that it’s unnecessary, but I promise you it couldn’t be more necessary. As other posters have advised, read the IPSEA website, there is so much useful information and advice on there. Plus there are loads of us on mumsnet to offer our experiences and knowledge too.

My ASD kids found most school shirts are unbearably itchy. Any that say they are easy care or non-iron are usually not 100% cotton, but this is often not clear from the labels. Mine prefer short-sleeved 100% cotton shirts from either Next or M&S but we’re ok with the long-sleeved versions.

I have a DD who is very sensory has medical needs awaiting diagnosis for ADHD and Autism.

She has to wear white shirt, trousers, proper tie and jumper. She hated the new jumpers, had to was them 10+ times before she wore them once. Plastic and crunchy were her complaints. Cut all the labels out and relatively baggy. Surprisingly she has coped fantastically with Y7, it has been the making of her. We had the same thing about think about a different school if uniform is going to be an issue.

She is very rule bound and desperately wants to fit in (as all the girls do at that age) so i think that is a factor. She a actually likes school and now her school uniform is part of her “safe clothes”.

My advice also as an AuDHD parent is to apply for an EHCP. You can ask your school SENDCO to do this but if they can’t (or won’t) you can make a parent application. I’m guessing if she is this sensitive to clothing there are lots of other things she needs support with. Turnaround time for an EHCP is 20 weeks (although sometimes it can go longer if there is a backlog). Once your child has an EHCP the high school have to say whether or not they can meet her needs. If they can’t the local authority will find somewhere that can. It’s a legal document detailing what the school need to provide for your child - if they take her in and say they can meet her needs, if it says she needs relaxed uniform restrictions they will have to abide by it.

Sensory Smart Seamless socks & more for sensory sensitive kids https://share.google/BjP2cGHOLEkMaVJFs

You may be able to find alternative shirts and socks from somewhere like this.

I will post a link to the EHCP support thread on here.

Even if her needs are being well met in primary, you likely won't get the EHCP before secondary anyway!

www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_educational_needs/5309128-ehcp-support-thread-no-5?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Took us 20 months to get the EHCP. Two tribunals.

Is her uniform adjustment documented in her SEND plan?

This

Also, please don't try to desensitise your daughter's sensitivities with the shirts. I understand why you and others might consider it, but based on your knowledge of your daughter you know already that it'll be harmful.