My child was hit by a pen, thrown by a teacher

[Tiredallthetimelaura]

So my daughter who is in year 8 was in a lesson when her teacher 'cold called' her a question. My daughter responded she didn't know the answer and the teacher then threw a highlighter pen at her, hitting her on the arm. The teacher then did it again to another student, also hitting them on the arm. We have reached level 2 of a complaint, but it's always investigated by management within the academy. The school keep down playing what happened and not investigating what we ask. This teacher is still teaching, although my daughter isn't going in on the day of that lesson, which is greatly affecting her attendance. The school said they would move my daughter so she could do a different lesson (double Maths or double English), but we said no! This feels like a punishment to our daughter. She wants to do that lesson, just not with that teacher... and we agree.
Any advice on what/how the school legally should be handling this? Happy to answer any further questions Xx

Who is this "bunch of adults ridiculing a 13-year old child"? I was ridiculing you for being such a wally.

I think you'll find I actually said - but emotionally she was shook up and embarrassed. What's wrong with that Velmy? Are you a teacher? Would you throw a pen at someone for no reason?

I have, and I haven't seen any 'horrid insults' directed at your daughter (and if I've missed any, I'll take it back, but you should report them). Obviously some people have found your reaction to what happened ridiculous and have told you so.

By your own admission you came here purely for 'support' - but that's not how the internet works. You're on an anonymous forum - you're going to get a whole spectrum of opinions, from people who agree to people who don't. People being more brutally honest than they'd ever be in person, for better or worse. And yes, there will be some people replying purely to wind you up.

Surely you can see how your reaction - calling people trolls and accusing them of insulting your daughter - would embolden those who think you've made a mountain out of a molehill?

And why exactly am I a wolly? Because I don't agree that a person, an adult, a teacher in charge of a class full of MINORS should be throwing ANYTHING at CHILDREN. Are you a teacher pollyglot? Would you throw something at a 13 Yr old girl?

I actually stated I came for advice

Sorry your daughter has been having such a hard time, OP. I’m happy to believe everything you have said around what happened in the incident - it sounds plausible. Teachers are human - some are good, some aren’t, and even some good ones make mistakes. Schools also don’t respond to things perfectly. We had a major complaint with our last school and they were hopeless.

You asked for some sensible advice, and I’d say you have done well advocating for your daughter and teaching her not to accept poor treatment. However, it’s now time to teach her about putting things behind you and moving on with life, rather than remaining stuck and trying to be right rather than happy. There is nothing to be gained from continuing to pursue the teacher and the complaint process. They aren’t going to fire her or have her arrested, but I dare say she will think twice about throwing a highlighter again, which is what you ultimately want. The continued focus on it and inability to move past the issue is unhelpful now. It sounds like your daughter has two options moving forward - return to her music class with an agreement the teacher will not ‘cold call’ her, or accept the offer to do another class during that time, even if it’s a more boring class. I’d talk through the choice with my daughter and support whichever decision she made. Unfortunately life isn’t always fair and we don’t always have control over other people and situations. When one of mine was badly assaulted at school, there was nothing I could do to get the school to manage it properly. I felt frustrated and powerless, but that was ultimately unhelpful for my child. I had to step up and make the decision to stop trying to be right, and instead focus on making sure my child moved past what happened. So the choices were to stay or leave, and we left. Your daughter has two choices now, it’s time to support her to do one of those and put this behind you both.

I wouldn’t be happy with a pen being thrown at my DD either, it’s not a good example. Do you know why the teacher was off for so long? Stress? Maybe she’s not coping.

I worked for 25 years in boarding/day independent schools. Prep and Senior. Many were boys only. I frequently had parents approaching me for hints in creating a better bond with their own kids, because, they said "You have such a lovely relationship with your own." Children love to be validated in so many ways - as do we all. Prep school girls used to come for a hug when feeling down. OMG! Illegal in the UK! What kind of human would not respond to a child with their arms out? A little girl, 8 years old, desperately homesick, in tears, stretching out her arms from her top bunk for a good night hug?Older girls just wanted a quiet girl chat. Physical contact is essential to human mental health, but of course, not allowed. My method of giving the much needed contact to boys was to walk around the room whilst looking at their work, talking or whatever, and smack them over the head. With a rolled-up piece of paper. With a smile and a wink, I would say "Stupid boy! you made a mistake there!" The boy would glow, the others would giggle...Mrs.G likes me! Thing is, you had to be there to see what a difference that singling-out made. I assure you that my techniques worked a treat. My students had absolutely fabulous results in public exams, I had a friendly yet challenging classoom, and pupils who felt understood. Boxes overflowing with cards and letters and emails from pupils and parents alike thanking me for what I had done for them. A teacher acts in loco parentis. Surely they should be trusted?

What's wrong with it is that it's the kind of reaction you'd expect to some kind of serious assault, not a teacher frizbee'ing a highlighter at someone's arm as part of an - admittedly stupid sounding - game.

No, I'm not a teacher. I used to terrorise them in school though, so I guess you could call me feisty 😅

And it wasn't for 'no reason', it was part of a (dumb) game.

To clarify once again, it has been acknowledged by the school and the class that it wasn't a game! She was 'cold called' to answer a question but that is NOT a game. That has been proven! The teacher just used that as an excuse!

Buy a pack of jumbo chalks. Walk in and ask the teacher what happens if you physically assault a child and the school excuses it? Whatever her reply it’s the wrong answer and lob a chalk at her keep asking and keep throwing the chalk. It shouldn’t hurt but it’ll make a point. Teachers should not throw items at children, there is no suitable excuse for it and sometimes you have to use their language to get your point across

And I urge you to type in your search bar - can a teacher throw a pen at a student uk. I think you'd be surprised! Throwing water on someone actually constitutes as an assault!

This was my first thought! Lol. Ask her an impossible question and throw a pen at her! Only difference is I have some restraint, unlike some of the pretty scary opinions on here!

OP you have still failed to answer several pertinent questions:

     -what outcome do you actually want? 

• how did your DD actually respond to the teacher? Courteously? And how would you know?
• I asked you who these adults are who were ridiculing a 13-year old girl?

Frankly, I think you have no real idea about kids, teachers, classrooms and how your little darlings actually behave.

Throwing almost anything at someone and hitting them could be considered an assault. Context is key.

What do you think we should be teaching kids is an appropriate response to having water chucked on them?

Running to the police, reporting it as an assault, avoiding anywhere with a water fountain for five weeks, campaigning to get water balloons banned? Is that how we raise resilient kids?

Or do we teach them to just laugh it off because nothing materially bad has happened? Or to grab a hose and get stuck in?

To clarify once again, it has been acknowledged by the school and the class that it wasn't a game! She was 'cold called' to answer a question but that is NOT a game. That has been proven! The teacher just used that as an excuse!

Game, question, whatever. You're arguing semantics. Teacher asked questions. Kids who didn't answer correctly got the pen. It wasn't for 'no reason'. It's was for a dumb reason.

Especially when said child is according to the op captain of netball AND hockey AND football teams ! I wonder how that works when they are all winter sports ... not to mention the poor little buttercup is emotionally shook up by projectiles coming in her direction.

Your daughter sounds great, and sticking up for yourself or your daughter is not being a snowflake. Some of the responses on here are mental, and down right nasty. Best wishes OP

In the nicest possible way OP you and your daughter need to get a grip. It was a pen FFS!

She sounds brilliant but what a shame her time at the school will now be remembered for her mum’s hysterical* Poirot-style manhunt over what was a minor incident in the grand scheme of things. The pen throwing wasn’t great but surely an apology and assurance it won’t happen again was enough?

*I’m basing this on how you’re responding on here - it’s easy to assume your emails to school have the same frenetic tone. And exclamation marks!!!!!!!!

This, such a minor thing. Your child will have to deal with much worse in life, teach her resilience, stop fussing over trivia.

Also, to answer your actual question about how the school should be handling it/what it should be doing legally - well, they should look into it and conclude the teacher should say sorry and shouldn’t do it again. Then close the matter so you can all move on. But it sounds like that isn’t enough for you?

The teacher was building rapport with the kids. 99% would have found the wrong answer, pen throw thing fun coming from a popular teacher.
Sadly some parents like the op get jealous of the relationship between their darlings and their teachers and encourage kids to twist things, which the child, craving positive parental attention can be easily persuaded to do.

Not great and one would hope the throwing of pens without warning will happen no more.
However the outcome is not going to be the best for your daughter unless you encourage her to get over it.

Music tachers are hard to come by.
Your daughter wants to keep learning music.
It is in your daughter's best interests if she can cease being traumatized, meet with her teacher (and you) and accept her apology and move on.

Further more, is there a problem with discipline in your daughter's class? Are some children unruly? Maybe the school would offer to have an assistant - purely for discipline - pop in unanounced from time to time to give the teacher a realistic hand.

No school, nor teacher, nor student, is perfect
Be careful what you wish for. Do you want no music classes at the school?

1SillySossij · Today 03:51

The teacher was building rapport with the kids. 99% would have found the wrong answer, pen throw thing fun coming from a popular teacher.
Sadly some parents like the op get jealous of the relationship between their darlings and their teachers and encourage kids to twist things, which the child, craving positive parental attention can be easily persuaded to do.

THIS!!!! Precisely! 47 years of teaching and 23 as a mum have taught me this. You are such a wiseSossij!
There always have to be petty jealousies within the school community - it's one of the immutable facts of Nature.

And frankly, your attitude "little darlings" simply reminds us parents to be very wary and distrustful of teachers.

Which is a shame......