Girls schools

[BadgerHawk]

Hey all,

My daughter has been allocated a place at a girls school as she didn’t get her first few preferences. She wasn’t keen on attending a girls school. I went to a mixed school (many moons ago and in a much quieter part of the country) so I am struggling to imagine what the dynamic is like? We did attend the open day and the head was very keen to tell us all the benefits of a girls only school.

Just wondering what your experiences of all girls schools were like for yourself or daughters? I probably have some preconceived ideas so would like to get a more balanced view.

We live in a part of london where after school violence and anti social behaviour isn’t unheard of. This tends to be at the mixed schools so maybe the allocation of a girls only school is a blessing in disguise as so far touch wood there hasn’t been any big incidents at this school.

Thanks in advance for any input!

My DD attends a large girls' state school. Her experience has been very good. There were a few friendship issues in Year 8, but she now has a lovely group of friends and I find that most of the girls tend to be very supportive of each other. They are well-behaved and I haven't come across any fighting or violence, either in school or after school (we are in the leafy home counties).

My DD is planning to stay on for A-levels.

I went to an all-girls school and loved it!

I'm sure I've seen research showing that boys do better in mixed schools, and girls do better in single sex. It was definitely a bonus to not be competing with boys or competing with girls for boys' attention.

My DD also chose to go to a girls school - a large one, around 1,400 pupils. She loved it.

She had very minimal problems with bullying and disruptive behaviour in class. None of the boy-girl drama that can come from mixed sex schooling, no peer pressurr in her day to day life to attract or appeal to boys… but then, she likes girls not boys so maybe she wouldn’t have felt that pressure even in a mixed school!

There is often quite a bit of waiting list movement between now and September so if you think somewhere else would suit her better, don’t give up - she may get in anyway.

I loved it. Still friends with a number of girls I was at school with. I assume the head told you that stats for girls in STEM subjects etc usually are better than in mixed schools. And they won't be experiencing sexual harassment in the corridor etc in the way those at mixed schools often do not.

We had some joint activities with the boys school across town, (drama productions, language exchanges,) and saw them at swimming club and so on.

The dynamic will depend on the school, just as no two mixed schools are just the same. I grew up in a small town with a large rural catchment, so it will be different from a London school.

Had I daughters, I would have wanted them to do single sex for secondary.

The academic evidence on girls’ single sex schooling is not particularly conclusive, any positive effect is likely to be quite small. There is better evidence that single sex female schooling leads to broader subject choices and higher STEM uptake: The evidence against boys’ single sex schooling is very slightly stronger.

I went to an all girls school. It was awful, the girls were extremely bitchy. I was bullied and ended up moving to a mixed school where I was much happier.

We are moving house in order to access a high-achieving girls' secondary for DD. I really like the idea of a bigger pool of potential friends, lack of disruption or domination of the space by boys and girls being seeing as the 'default human' within the setting.

I went to a mixed school myself and enjoyed it, but it was a grammar, so probably not typical. Reports from friends with girls in 'normal' mixed comps are part of what is driving our moving idea!

Thanks for sharing your experiences! It’s genuinely interesting to hear other peoples
perspectives and experiences. And I’m relieved there’s so many positive experiences.

She’s coming around to the idea of a girls school. I pointed out to her that the majority of the times she’s been upset at school have usually been due to one of the boys saying something or doing something silly that disrupts the class. For example: she got really annoyed that they keep saying “skibidi toilet rizz” and “sigma” during lessons. Her teacher looks frazzled at pick up and I know the boys are often visited by the head about their behaviour. I think there’s a particularly challenging mix of boys in her class though as generally behaviour in her school is quite good. She often comes out of school looking pretty pissed off and I ask her what’s up and she says “boys”. She has a very low tolerance for that kind of thing. There was a pretty violent incident between the boys recently too that really shook her up. Most of the girls were crying at pick up as it happened shortly before.

Just want to emphasise that I know not all
boys are like this. I think it’s just an unfortunate clash of personalities in her class.

Her higher preference schools were very new, almost conference centre like if that makes sense? The one she loved actually looked like a prison. Then we found out the person who designed it… designed prisons! Had the stairs running up the middle and the classrooms around the edge and there were separate “blocks”. All it was missing was the mesh.

The school she has been offered is about 80-90 years old. It’s been extended so has some new areas, they’ve retained a lot of the original features in the old part which I think is super cool. She said it’s “musty dusty” though. 🙄

I guess what I struggle with is, does attending an all girls make it harder to socialise / work with boys/men later in life, for example at uni or work? She has two sisters so other than her adult male relatives she won’t really know any boys. I did say she might want to join some mixed clubs once she starts secondary but she said she’s not bothered.

The sixth form is mixed so she will be around boys post 16 wether than be sixth form or college.

Ah yeah this is comp girls school in outer london.

On the open day I asked our tour guide who was a year 10 if there was any bullying and she said “Yeah obviously, that’s all schools. I’ll look out for her tho.. don’t watch that. It’s all good” which I didn’t find particularly reassuring. Although she looked hard as nails so if she follows through with what she said it’s probably not a bad thing.

I just hope she finds her ‘tribe’ early on. She’s into anime, Japanese culture, drawing etc. isn’t particularly into fashion, skin care etc like the girls her age seem to currently be in to. They did have a fantastic art department and there seems to be very genuine talent which was great to see.

My school was outside of London but still a bit “rough” but I grew up on an estate and played out lots so kind of knew how to handle myself.

My anxiety is through the roof tbh but making sure not to show it. In reality, they’re 11. Most kids will be just like her. Nervous and trying to find their place in a new environment.

Performance wise it’s pretty much in line with her higher preferences.

Not myself, but friends have told me they found it a very bitchy environment, and a lot of the girls were 'lad mad' finding it difficult to have normal easy friendships with the opposite sex.

From your description it sounds like it might be the school my DD goes to, depending on how 'outer' London it is. It's fab. We actively didn't move away to get it! DD had also had enough of disruptive boys.

The girls are in general lovely and behaviour incidents are very low, especially for the area. Great arts. She'll have a brilliant time.

(I don't think there's a single school that has zero bullying by the way, what's important is how it's dealt with).

I went to an all girls school and loved it. Much more freedom in class to speak and express ideas. I found being talked over by men in Unis and work meetings noticeable in contrast later in life. We socialised with boys all the time- on the school bus and at the bus stop (boys school across the road), at weekends, at our Saturday jobs later on. It was a bit like our “professional life” was just girls and then we mixed up outside school. As teenage girls we had about as sensible attitudes to the opposite sex as our co-ed counterparts. So take from that what you will! I think if I had girls I would look at girls schools but I have boys (who do say rizz and skibidi toilet a lot but I am fairly sure don’t shout it out in class).

I went to an all girls and have no regrets.
i will 💯 be choosing the same for my daughter for the reasons @TempsPerdu outlines above.

I will say university was a bit of a shock for me as I wasn’t prepared for the misogyny in uni and world of work but an all girls school education meant my eyes were very open to it, especially random low level misogyny many female peers were just numb to/ didn’t notice.

I was surrounded by intelligent articulate women and treated as a person of importance for 7 yrs vs being sidelined and acting as the supporting cast for various blokes and that has value.
i was also able to gain an education without unwanted molestation which is something I don’t think and of my friends who went to coed got the privilege of.

I went to all girls and so does DD. She absolutely loves it and is thriving there.

I am always confused by the comments that girls schools are bitchy environments, surely mixed schools aren't immune from that?

I teach in an all girls school after 20+ years in mixed. The girls are a lot more confident in lessons without the boys. They put their hands up, they are much more keen to show what they can do, more comfortable working with people who aren't their friends, less show off poor behaviour to impress the boys. Generally more compliant. I don't think the tricky behaviours e.g. bullying etc are any worse than in mixed.

My Dd loves her girls school. The girls are encouraged in everything and no one ever tells them it’s not for them. She doesn’t fear answering questions in class or participating like she did in her mixed primary. All sports are for all girls, and she’s also really into DT which might not have happened at a mixed school (going from my memories of one).

I moved from a mixed school to all girls at sixth form
I noticed..

• clothes... the girls were a lot more expressive in clothes, dressing for themselves not what they thought they should wear
• more able to express their opinions in class
• less bothered by stereotypes
• less bitchy.
• more likely to do "boy subjects". Because everything was for girls.
• less silliness

It led to me doing a subject that was majority boys st university and it was completely fine. We didn't live in a convent, we saw boys on the way to school, at music, at sport, other extra curricular clubs, at parties... People had brothers...

I went to an all girls school and absolutely loved it. By the time I was leaving primary school, I was quite fed up with boys' behaviour, constantly interrupting and ruining lessons and other girls competing with each other for the attention of the boys. All of this immediately went away in a girls school. Behaviour was much better, and friendships were close and genuine. Many of my closest friends to this day are from those years.

I went to an all girls grammar. I have mixed feelings. Education-wise I think it was better. We had space to learn and voice our opinions without 'competing' with the boys. Socially though I really struggled. The 'mean girls' dynamic was dreadful and I think was allowed to perpetuate unchecked. I would have a best friend/group of friends in Year 7 and would walk into registration the next day to the silent treatment with no idea of what I'd done 'wrong'. Then a few days later I'd be back in the fold with no idea of what I'd done 'right'. This happened to everyone. If boys had been there to balance the dynamic I wouldn't have felt so trapped, I could easily have gravitated and made other friends who simply don't do this.

It took me until Year 9 to find a solid group of friends. Ironically we called ourselves 'the outcasts' - we were basically one from every clique that had been ostractised! Once I finally found my footing I did like it but it took a long time, and affects me to this day in social relationships.

My dd goes to a mixed school. 99% of the disruption is caused by boys. It’s rubbish. She’s also been put off STEM subjects by boys dominating the classroom. Your dd is lucky.

I went to an all girls school and had a very positive experience - I enjoyed school and did well academically. I wouldn't say it was bitchy, and I had lots of male friends at uni (and later in life) so it didn't make me shy around boys. I did maths and science A levels, so it was good for those choices to feel normal rather than unusual. I'd have been happy for DD to go to a girls school too, but she went to a mixed school as she got a sibling place at DS's school.

This underlying misogyny is really prevalent in our society.

I did go to a girls' school, and I have worked in girls' schools and I'm a massive fan. No, girls aren't inherently bitchy, no they don't go sex-crazed from not being able to chat to (mostly ignore) boys at school.

It was a an absolute blessing for me to be able to grow up in a female centric community, and I've carried that confidence with me through life.

For what it's worth, I see glimpses of this unpleasant behaviour from both boys and girls in the mixed school I currently work at. The boys certainly do not act as some kind of calming, peace keeping force!

I went to an all girls' school, and one of my DDs did as well. Your concern that it fucks up relationships with men? No, not at all. I am sure there are some that are fucked up, but that's true in mixed sex schools too.

Me and DD both ended up doing science-heavy further ed, and I have found that I am much more confident in the workplace speaking my mind etc (as is she) which may be related to being educated in a space where there was no male / female dynamic (or what was appropriate for each sex).