Where do we stand on girls not being allowed to go to the loo?

[JandamiHash]

DD is 11 in year 7 and I reckon she will be staring her periods soon. Lots of signs and some cramping. Shes really nervous because her lessons are an hour long and they aren’t allowed to go to the toilet. She says everyone is always told no.

My periods were so heavy when I started mine aged 14 that I would have leaked everywhere if my lessons had been any longer than the 35 minutes. Even now when I get my period one days 1 and 2 I need to change sanitary towel at least once an hour.

What is the consensus about this? DD is my eldest so secondary is all new to me. Is this standard? I do get that gen school will have piss takers but do they think about girls in these situations at all?

I think its wrong and I'm glad I left the UK before I had children because I would not want to send my children to British secondary schools the way they are now.

Perhaps you could ask the school if they give any leniency to girls on their periods? I have heard that some schools do. That might reassure your DD a bit.

Same position here, I'm dreading it for my DD who is already an anxious being.

Speak to the head of year or pastoral team.

There is usually a system of toilet passes and they are happy to hand them out if needed.

I think you’re right, she’s had contact with the pastoral team because of some very toxic friendships she found herself part of in which she was physically hurt, and the staff are brilliant so I may drop them an email

Most schools offer a 'toilet pass' for these sorts of issues, which your daughter can use at any time during class. Unfortunately, allowing all kids access to the toilets throughout lessons results in severe disruption as well as some very serious incidents. Children are, by and large, expected to go between classes and it's not unreasonable to expect them to last 55 minutes unless it really is an emergency.

You can talk about this to the head of year and put something in place for your daughter if she has issues. Schools are not trying to punish children with these policies but there has to be a level of supervision and class control.

Would wearing period pants give her some peace of mind in the meantime?

I think they should be able to go but in the meantime she can double up on protection. Tampon/Maximum strength pad + period pants etc...

You are basing your worry on hearsay.

Ask the question of the head of year. Just email them.

The trick is to go to the loo at every break. And only have a huge drink at lunch (sips in between classes).

I found that between some classes, you’d not have a long walk and there was a loo in every block so I’d pop in between lessons. Being a minute late due to a toilet visit wasn’t ever punished in my school.

My dd is in a girls school where there’s very much a “get on with it” attitude unless you have a problem.and then they are fabulously supportive.

I do think it’s important for your dd to know she can manage her period as part of her everyday life. She shouldn’t feel nervous about needing the loo!

You could also work on some kegel exercises, if she isn’t managing to hold her bladder during class - is she wearing very tight waistband or tights?

The nerves may be making her feel an urge to urinate, and that becomes a vicious circle.

Oh and period pants, obviously.

I don't have DC in secondary school age but I can't comprehend in any universe how a woman bleeding / child with IBS / random spout of diarrhoea / UTI etc would be denied a toilet break? That is unlawful and frankly (especially in the case of menstruation) discriminatory.

I would ask the school to clarify the process.

I agree that allowing kids to get up and go whenever they want would be 1. Disruptive and 2. Would allow them to go off and loiter as opposed to learning but there are cases where if they need to go, they need to go.

Being devil's advocate though, once your DD gets her period and learns how to manage it (you get a feel for when you may need to change pad etc), she should be comfortable enough to do it during her designated breaks. Those first few periods though, especially if she comes on randomly while she's at school for the first time - that needs to be excused.

I do not think they should have to disclose when they're on their period though. It's private.

If she does have periods that heavy, when she starts, I would think about taking her to the gp. Ours has been really helpful.
In the meantime, period pants as a backup, pad on top and encourage tampons as soon as she wants to.

How do you filter through what's a legitimate reason to go / someone just wants to skive?

They don't need to go in to detail but saying 'woman issue / personal issue' quietly to the teacher is okay no?

Also embrace your periods! Nothing to be ashamed of / be embarrassed about!

Schools with strict toileting rules usually have toilet passes and period passes. Tell her not to worry, 50% of the population have periods and just because yours were heavy doesn't mean that hers will be too.

DD says sometimes girls just say “I’m on my period” to the teacher - I love that it’s spoken about openly, I would never have had the balls to do this in school, but equally they shouldn’t have to.

I think it's pretty unfair for both genders. My son had a persistent UTI for months. that took a long time to clear. It's inhumane denying anyone a genuine need to use a toilet really.
My experience of my first periods were just small smears of blood and everything was very light... I don't recall being aware I was having it until I used the bathroom anyway. The gush urgency is something I didn't experience until I was an adult who'd had kids. But then some jobs make it hard to clock out for the toilet too I guess?

I agree though that sending everyone and anyone who asks must be hugely disruptive. Apparently they have teachers outside toilet blocks hurrying people along (not when in cubicles but fannying on washing their hands etc). DD is a bit of a drama llama and seems to think this is a volition of her human rights to stand in a toilet all of break time and talk nonsense with her mates. I am trying to get her to see why her school has to be strict as frankly it sounds like a bloody zoo as it is

My DS is 8 and has a chronic condition that means he needs access to a toilet at all times and with short notice. His primary have been great so hoping it will be equally as good when he moves up

My periods were super heavy too, and my daughter is 13 and has had periods for a little over a year and so far they are not nearly as bad as mine were. So your daughter may be OK too @JandamiHash.

They are much heavier in the first couple of days though and she definitely finds it better to use period pants and a pad. Just a bit of extra security. She also uses just period pants in PE, when she feels self conscious about the pad. The wuka ones have been great, much better than modibodi. She uses reusable pads too and we got them well in advance and she always had them in her bag so she felt prepared if she did start in school for the first time. She was lucky though - it ended up being in the holidays.

Good luck!

PS any contact from Amanda on the school run this week?!

My child's school will let them go in lessons if they need to although they encourage them to use break times, but she uses some very absorbent period pants that last the whole day at school even on the heaviest day.

The reality is the toilets are vandalised, students end up vaping / smoking, self harming and ODing and even sexual assault on the extreme end. They messaged around and arranged to meet their friends there at X o'clock. In a high school they are often a trek from the classroom.

It's quite normal for girls with heavy periods that require medical intervention and anyone else with a medical need to get a toilet pass from the pastoral team and then whilst most toilets are locked during lesson time there will be one or two left open in most schools. Whilst I don't agree I do understand the issue so ensured my DD got a toilet pass.

We've had kids vandalising the toilets, bullying, vaping and most recently taking ketamine amongst many other things. That is why many schools have these rules.
We now have one set that are open during lessons for pupils and are supervised. The rest open at break and lunch with staff on duty.
Some pupils absolutely take the piss and spoil it for the rest.
Oh I forgot when a pupil tried to set them on fire by lighting a loo roll - that was a fun day

can any parent with children in private schools or grammars say if this is happening in their schools?
those schools with smaller intakes ie boarding schools can the children go to the washroom ad lib?
or is this a throwback to workhouses and abuse of the poor?

I think it's shocking. My DDs are in a school which has 100 minute lessons, only two breaks throughout the day, and toilet passes issued only with medical evidence.

I work in an all girls grammar