School constantly asking daughter questions

[Tc4rt3r1983]

Hi all . Had my 14 year old daughter come home from school tonight very upset. She was pulled out of class today, and had questions repeatedly fired at her, regarding if and what she eats . And what she does when she gets home from school and who she speaks to. The result of this is my daughter asking if she is under weight does she look skinny or funny and generally feeling after answering yes to being fed. That she was repeatedly asked over and over again like she wasn't believed. She has had bullying trouble before and has no confidence in the schools pastoral team which has resulted in her not wanting to go to school .

I would complain to the Governors and raise it as a safeguarding issue.

Somebody is clearly being a twat

Is there any possibility of an eating disorder ? Something has clearly been noticed

‘Had questions repeatedly fired at her’ doesn’t sound like something someone in pastoral support would do when they’ve felt the need to take a child out of a lesson to check on their welfare, even if overall pastoral support isn’t great.

It’s possible that your dd felt uncomfortable with questioning even if it was done kindly.

Why do you think the school would want to ask your daughter about her eating and check she has support at home?

I would email school requesting a call or meeting with her head of year asking for clarification of what happened today

I think you need a calm conversation with them to find out what happened. Your daughter's version sounds awful, of course. But I strongly suspect that someone is worried about some to ing and is digging into it.

It's too soon to involve governors. OP needs to hear what the staff concerned say so she has both sides of the story - what triggered the questioning, who did it, why, what happens next? A letter to governors now would amount to a parent saying 'my child came home from school upset'. In most schools, safeguarding irregularities are looked at by the designated safeguarding lead, usually the head. Writing to governors only happens if a parent/carer is not happy with the school's investigation.

Speak to the school. Then make decisions.

Really good response @SometimesCalmPerson .

I can only echo this.

Do you think she has any issues around eating? Has she suddenly lost weight and it’s been noticed?

If her weight hasn’t changed and she has always been naturally slim then I would be raging at the school, because it sounds like it has knocked her confidence.

@OAPapparently

'Raging' at the school, really? Has that ever ended well for anyone?

OP, don't rage, just ask the Head of Year if everything's okay. It might register as a safeguarding concern if they're worried about your DD and you charge in telling them not to ask her questions.

She is constantly eating. She has 3 slices of toast and 3 hash browns daily before school . She snacks for lunch then has a cooked meal every evening . She is small framed like me her dad. But then we shouldn't judge . As I wouldn't judge in my eyes it'd no different to me saying someone larger eats to much . I mean that in rhe best possible way not a judging way. And I csn also understand a schools jib to safeguard and pick up on things a miss . But when she is reassuring them she is eating and there still asling I find this no different to directing a child to get answers which shouldn't be done

Yes I was nit happy to see her in floods of tears . She wasn't explained to why she was pulled out and asked . Neither were we as parents. Would be OK if there was reasonable doubt or evidence she hasn't eaten

Where's it come from op ? Someone has clearly expressed a concern

Email the school and ask what's going on and tell your daughter I it happens again to tell the teacher or who ever it is that they need to call you or her dad, that's she's already answered these questions. I remember being pulled out of class by our principle who was a nun and being quizzed about the fact my parents were separated, asking questions about if they had new partners and who did I live with. It was very odd questioning for a 10 year old.

You need to follow the school's processes. Do not contact the governors. I'm a governor and if you raised this I'd be sending it straight back and telling you to raise it through the normal channels. Their role is strategic, not operational.

This is very poor safeguarding practice. Safeguarding 101 is not to ask leading questions or the child's answers can't actually be used as evidence. If they had a genuine pupil in need here and were looking for signs that she was being left at home alone by herself, they would've just blown it (although 14 should be well old enough to be at home alone). They shouldn't be quizzing her about her eating habits like that either.

I'd ask to speak to the head of year or one of the deputy heads and ask what happened, but go in with an open mind that it might have upset her and seemed worse than it actually was. Is it possible they've got a report of a girl who looks like her who is meeting someone inappropriate after school and they've misidentified the pupil as your daughter, for example? These are the sort of things I'd want to know from the school.

I don’t think teachers do this kind of thing for no reason. They are clearly worried about something. Is she generally well cared for? Clean with clean clothes etc? Is she very very slim? I think teachers are probably used to seeing a range of kids so I think I think your DD would have to be a notable outlier somewhere for a concern to be raised.

Just have a calm chat with her teacher about it. Tbh imo it’s good that schools take note. We’ve seen too many cases of neglect just slipping under the radar.

I would suspect that someone, either a classmate or teacher have raised a concern about your DD. You need to keep calm and phone tomorrow and ask to speak to her Head of Year. It's not unreasonable for the school to ask her questions and I would be careful of taking your DDs word that they were 'firing questions' and wait until you've had some sort of explanation from the school.

I had a child in my form who was bulimic, parents were oblivious as she was 'eating normally'. Other pupils raised the alarm after realising she was throwing up at school.

Absolutely this.

Don’t be so dramatic!
OP - First step is to contact whomever your DD told you was asking her the questions to get their side of the tale.

I’m Pastoral Care. My take is that someone at school, probably a friend, has noticed that your DD doesn’t have a meal at lunch time. You said that she snacks. The friend has probably seen this, noticed that your DD is slimmer than most and been concerned. The pastoral team will then try to ascertain if your DD eats at home.
My advice would be to find out who she spoke to and call them to discuss further. Definitely let them know that she was upset afterwards as this would not have been their intention so they need to be made aware.

The governors would want to know what the OP has done to address it with staff first.

I agree. The OP hasn't explained what they have done - if anything - to address it with school.

This is why I am glad I am not a teacher.

you have automatically assumed the school is in the wrong without trying to find out any more information.

Is the school really ‘constantly’ asking your daughter questions, or did someone speak to her once? There is a lot of hyperbole in your posts - it feels like you are absorbing your daughters emotions rather than being the calm adult in this.

establish the facts before you leap.