Separated parents can’t agree on secondary school

[Rance105]

My partner’s eldest is due to start secondary school next year (2025) and applications are due in soon. He and his ex wife can’t agree on which school their son should attend.

DP wants him to go to a school within walking distance of us. It’s a great school and we actually moved to the area in order to make sure the kids would be in catchment.

His ex wants him to go to a secondary school which most of his friends will attend. She no longer lives in the area, and we’re also out of catchment. It’s historically been undersubscribed, I suspect because their results are so poor.

She says that it’s all about the child’s wishes and is dead set on that school being their first choice.

We disagree and believe that he’ll get a far better education at DP’s first choice of school. He wouldn’t be able to travel to the other school under his own steam when with us (50/50 custody, one week on, one week off) so it would logistically be a nightmare to get him there with three other children to consider. We also can’t see the logic of sending a child to school in a town where he no longer lives with either parent. He’s a nice kid and makes friends easily.

Neither side is backing down. My question is - what happens if it remains at a stalemate? What factors would a court take into account if it was to get that far? The child benefit is paid to her but is split 50/50 if that makes a difference. Any advice would be so appreciated.

FWIW, neither of my DCs hang out with their primary friends at school
anymore. They’ve found a new tribe. Going to an underperforming, far away school to be near friends you might not still be regularly hanging out with is a big gamble.

You should stop focusing on results.
My son's primary school in the year after he finished was boasting about 20%of their students achieving "above expected levels" in SATS. There were only 20 students in his year so that meant 4 students. All 4 of them were just naturally academically gifted and would have achieved that without any involvement from the school, all their parents agreed that. One of those 4 was my son. Due to the utterly diabolical failings of the school and his mixed year group class of 35 students being left with just a TA teaching them 2 days a week for 2 years, my son only attended school for 3 days a week in years 5 & 6, often less than that as it caused him such anxiety. In year 5 he didn't attend at all for an entire month. Every parent in his year felt the school had let the students down during those 2 years in some way.
When I was at high school and became ill during a levels, they deregistered me and paid for me to take my exams as an independent candidate rather than have my results affect their records. They were still deregistering and/or transferring disabled students in pre and post 16 when ofsted finally picked up on it 15 years later.
Results are just part of the picture and not always a very honest one.

I think if the school is easier to get to and has far better results the child should go there.

Also just to add one of my sons went to secondary school with his primary friends, but was put in a different class to them, he ended up making lots of lovely new friends which I was very pleased about and is still friends with them today.
Maybe you need mediation with the mother, she can't let her son go to a rubbish school that friends go to they he may not end up staying friends with anyway.
Sometimes as adults we need to make decisions that don't make us popular but are for the best.

I would hope the judge would go with what the child wants

And a judge would not have the power to decide to pick a school like a parent would in one sounds better than another type things it would be child's wishes and I presume the practicals of the 'main' parent

This is my thoughts tbh - kids in primary tend to group becquwe their parents are friends and facilitate the relationships (largely due to geography). My DCs went to a small school that went form 3-18, and their friendship groups morphed and adapted even though they all stayed together. Their friendships ay 16/18 bear no connection to the kids whose parties they attended in y5/6 or who they went to activities outside school with. I’d absolutely NEVER chose a school based on friendships.

A poster above states that an indicator of school happiness is friendships - but those are the friendships they have at the school, not the ones they had preceding it.