Take DS out of private? as bad yr 9 results will they translate to good GCSE'S?

[sef23]

Hi everyone

DS is performing poorly in private. Generally B's, C's and D's.

He has had a few A's here and there over the years.

He is undiagnosed ADHD. The wait is too long so never got him on meds which i don t believe in, as boys will be boys, he fidgets cant concentrate and is away with the fairies, plenty of herbs out there he can be on, but school needs a diagnosis to help him. Can anyone guide on this point?

Took our DD out of private to rejoin normal secondary as she hated private.

Both switched from normal primary and have been in private for about 2 /3 yrs.

Shall I persevere and keep him in? in the hope that 30k spend over next 2 yrs will translate to good GCSES or put him in local secondary with his sister and where most of his local friends are. He also has good friends in private, who live all over the place.

If all hes capable of his B's and C's he can get that in local school.

Lost again and dont know what to do, term starts in 10 days.

Will he be happier to be with his 'real' friends in local will this help him more, or lower him and drive him the other way and push to his 'naughty tendencies'?

thanks xxx

You pay the £1000 for a private diagnosis and get him medicated (if appropriate) for his disability which he may or may not have. Why would you throw 1000s at his education but not get him assessed for something that could affect him his entire life?

If all he is capable of is a few As, Bs and a couple of lower grades whilst getting 0 support then he is doing pretty well.

Surely there is more to private school than good grades, sport, music, opportunities and networking to help him in future.

Have a daughter with adhd who was at private and moved to a grammar- has just ended up with better results than private friends.

personally I would get a private diagnosis and medicate. My daughter only takes her tablets at certain times- she doesn’t like it as she is less ‘fun’ but she can focus.

What kind of herbs??? Don’t let him near cannabis!! Last thing kids with adhd should be on.

Has to be a wind up

Why do you feel B's are poor grades. The poor lad sounds like he's being pressured to achieve A's which is probably why he's disinterested.

I'd send him to state school if that would make him happier. I'd focus on your child's mental health and get a diagnosis instead of focusing on his grades.

You pay the £1000 for a private diagnosis and get him medicated (if appropriate) for his disability which he may or may not have. Why would you throw 1000s at his education but not get him assessed for something that could affect him his entire life?

This! FGS woman.

@sef23

DS1 has ADHD. He's on meds because I refuse to accept that boys will be boys.

The first day he took them, he told me, 'I could concentrate today!'. He got almost full marks in his SATs a few weeks ago.

You're wrong about ADHD, boys and meds.

@sef23 I can’t believe what I just read. Good job your son’s got you in his corner, fighting for support for his disability 🙄🙄

He might not have ADHD, he’s never been assessed.

But you’re be doing him a huge disservice not pursuing assessment and appropriate support, which may include meds if that seems right in the light of a diagnosis.

The post is being sidetracked by the adhd issue, everything cannot be about mental health hes very happy, but happiness doesnt pay the bills, for us its about his grades, thats why hes in private, paid 2k for a dyslexia assessment for daughter - chap said she has it, later on another school assessment said shes fine moral - you get what you pay for, herbs are things like saffron, magnesium , L theanine etc noortropics etc . My Q is that now, hes getting poor grades, will they improve later on, or is local school better, local is not a grammer but an okayish comprehensive

They'll improve once you get him assessed and medicated.

Alternatively a) give up on him and send him to state, or b) throw good money away.

Up to you 🤷‍♀️

Kids generally get better grades at private schools so if you think he’ll just carry on getting the same grades if you move him to the local comp, you’ll probably be disappointed.

You haven’t mentioned what he would prefer. Presumably you have asked him?

Also, don’t write of medication for ADHD. If he needs help then he needs help.

What a weird post! Do you or don't you believe in adhd? And what on earth is the "boys will be boys" crap? No! Kids who can't concentrate won't concentrate unless they get help to do so!

This isn't about private v state. This is about your ds potentially having a disability which you refuse to get him help for.

@sef23 have ypu actually established that there is a place at your local comprehensive for an imminent year 10 start? Discussed with the school whether all or even any of the options your DS wants to take at GCSE are available to him?

I agree with others that it would not be a waste of money to have him properly assessed for possible issues which have realistic remedies (magnesium isn't a herb, btw). But equally, even finding that he does have additional and it can be modified with medication may not produce the academic grades you want him to achieve - he may well be achieving at his level. Paying for education is paying for the third party input, which is only one side of the equation when it comes to outcome.

On the other hand, whether or not he is assessed / medicated, if there is a place for him at the state school and the options available are acceptable to him and he would rather be there than at his current school, then I would take the state place.

ADHD isn't "mental health". It is a neurodiversity that can impact planning and concentration. This is considered a disability and support is available as well as medication if required. Girls can also have it.

Boys will be boys righto

Spend your money on a diagnosis, then get some proper advice from the school on how to support him.

Your thought pattern on the matter is quite a bit muddled. Lots of questions but let’s start with this one.
Have you started the additional multivits (and usually suggested early am exercise)? Are you and your DS able to commit to a routine (multivits & exercise) long term?

I dont think it's correct that the school needs a diagnosis in order to help him. Rather, they should respond to the evident needs of the child.

Maybe consider getting a tutor who can tailor his learning to suit him.

Exactly the same for my son. He can sense his brain drifting off in lessons and zoning out, but when he takes his meds that doesn’t happen until much later in the day. He also got full marks on all his maths SATS (a year ago now) and almost full marks on the English ones.

The question to ask oneself is whether you would medicate your child if they had say, epilepsy, and if yes, then why not for ADHD. Preventing your child from accessing education is going to have a massive impact on their future.

Glad your son is doing so well @ProfessorPeppy

Yours too @SuperSue77 Well done for getting your DS the right help and support.

Doesn't make any difference which school he goes to if the parents are neglectful.

One of the worst things I've ever read on here.

ADHD has nothing to do with happiness tho long term neglect will obviously have an impact, nor is it 'mental health' nor is it anything to do with being a 'boy' FML, OP if this isn't a wind up, social services should be involved. They won't obviously because your protected by privilege but make no mistake, your ignorance is neglect made worse by the fact you have ready access to the support that's needed. Stop pumping your child full of crap and get them the support they need.

Your poor son. Find a private psychiatrist and book an assessment.

If your child is diagnosed with ADHD then talk to them about medication and get them started on it. Not "herbs".

In the meantime try reading something like 'The Parent's Guide to ADHD Medication' and educate yourself about it. Would you behave like this if he had diabetes or epilepsy?

I have a dyslexic ADHD daughter - medicated - she has no mental health issues of any kind and is a perfectly happy child. With medication she is a less distracted, more focused, more organised, more logical and less impulsive happy child who doesn't fidget all the time. She's also doing much better academically since she started medication.

I can’t say for your son but in year 9 my DD was struggling, attendance under 80% and getting threatening letters re her attendance. She did have a health issue (still does) but her mental health was poor on the back of covid and she fell behind in year 8 due to refusing to do online lessons. When the school boiler broke in year 11 and they did online for a week I had to say she was sick, such was the hatred / fear of online lessons. She’s just achieved 11 x 9’s in her GCSE (and one done in year 10 so 12 in total). She’s in a state school. Obviously she doesn’t have ADHD so different circumstance but just saying that between year 9 and 11 a lot changed.