Take DS out of private? as bad yr 9 results will they translate to good GCSE'S?

[sef23]

Hi everyone

DS is performing poorly in private. Generally B's, C's and D's.

He has had a few A's here and there over the years.

He is undiagnosed ADHD. The wait is too long so never got him on meds which i don t believe in, as boys will be boys, he fidgets cant concentrate and is away with the fairies, plenty of herbs out there he can be on, but school needs a diagnosis to help him. Can anyone guide on this point?

Took our DD out of private to rejoin normal secondary as she hated private.

Both switched from normal primary and have been in private for about 2 /3 yrs.

Shall I persevere and keep him in? in the hope that 30k spend over next 2 yrs will translate to good GCSES or put him in local secondary with his sister and where most of his local friends are. He also has good friends in private, who live all over the place.

If all hes capable of his B's and C's he can get that in local school.

Lost again and dont know what to do, term starts in 10 days.

Will he be happier to be with his 'real' friends in local will this help him more, or lower him and drive him the other way and push to his 'naughty tendencies'?

thanks xxx

If he struggles to concentrate in a small class at private school, he will struggle even more in a noisier class of 30.
The issue is the struggle to concentrate, and you must prioritise getting him help for that.
You may find his grades suddenly
improve when he can concentrate! Obvs.

The Parents Guide to ADHD Medication is a fantastic book! I even read some of it to my son who could identify with so much of what they were saying. It really helps explain the way the medicine works and how beneficial it is.

If you got medication he’d do better anywhere.

So he’d do better ar private and he’d do better at local state school.

What are the results like when you compare them side by side?

Look at the data.

This, I wouldn't pull h out of private if he is happy there and doing well B&C's are still good grades. I think his results would probably nose dive in a comp school especially in a busy, noise environment if his ADHD hasn't been addressed.

So rather than hime getting the same grades and you saving £30k, he would most likely end up with failing grades. Which wouldn't be helpful to him at all.

I also have to ask why you don't believe the private assessment for your daughter? Unless she was actually assessed by an educational physiologist (very unlikely) a state school won't have had anyone qualified enough to do a full diagnosis. They will have probably just have done screening test which can miss mild cases.

School kept telling me DD wasn't Dyslexic and while we haven't had her privately tested I know she is mildly Dyslexic (I'm Dyslexic), college tested her and she qualified for extra time in exams.

If you can afford private school you can afford a private adhd assessment.
Why you would pay for one but not the other is net

Is beyond me

As it seems you have money - Pay for private assessment - everything else is irrelevant.

@sef23 youre asking if your child would perform better in a state school. It could go either way. At the right school with recognition and the right support he could do better. However such a school will be pretty rare and how would you know it was the right one. Otherwise in his case he’d almost certainly “do” worse in larger classes with more disruption etc.

You need to consider private assessment and medication if recommended and see how/whether that helps. Behavioural management and herbs will have no effect except in very minor borderline cases of adhd.

He probably has a treatable medical condition which is affecting his education, and you won't get an assessment because you don't believe in it?

That's pretty much the definition of poor parenting. Your poor son.

I have a teen with ADHD who has recently started meds which work. The difference is night and day. IMO, meds are more likely to impact your DS' grades positively than any school can. In your shoes I'd get the assessment and meds first and then decide on the school seperately. He might not need private school for top grades at all.

Nobody really knows how he would be at a non private school. Would he achieve the same grades? Or would he find it even harder to concentrate in a bigger (possibly more disruptive) class and fail everything?

I agree that the priority should be getting him diagnosed privately and medicated.

As an adult whose parents refused to have my ADHD (then called ADD) treated because they "didn't believe in it" I am pleading with you to get your child appropriate medication and support for his ADHD.

At 36 with children of my own I understand that my parents believed they were doing the right thing. But everything I've managed in my life I've managed in spite of that choice, not because of it. It took a long time to move past my resentment at how much unnecessary struggle and shame they put on me by refusing me the help I needed. Untreated ADHD correlates to higher rates of substance use disorder, poor relationship skills, poor self-esteem, and other mental health issue in addition to limiting academic and then professional success.

This thread isn't being "sidetracked" by the ADHD issue. You're posting about your child underachieving in school relative to his abilities... stop running from the issue by moving schools and get your child the treatment he needs.

Happy is great but if you think he has an undiagnosed ADHD you need to get it sorted even if it means private. If you can afford private school you can go for a private clinic.

Tbh it's not a question about schools but a question of sorting his diagnosis.

Herbs are great but won't do anything if your kid needs treatment for ADHD.

If you have a ‘boys will be boys’ attitude you are basically telling him it’s fine to be a pain in the arse and it’s not his fault. This is clearly a bad message. With this attitude he is likely to make friends with other boys who mess around rather than those who work hard so I think it’s unlike his grades would do anything other than fall if you put him in a school with bigger classes.

He is undiagnosed ADHD. The wait is too long so never got him on meds which i don t believe in, as boys will be boys, he fidgets cant concentrate and is away with the fairies, plenty of herbs out there he can be on, but school needs a diagnosis to help him. Can anyone guide on this point?

You don't believe in meds? If he was diabetic then would you deny him insulin?

I was in a similar position with DS1 a few years ago who was at a private school with undiagnosed ADHD. He was at a state primary and I moved him to a private in year 7 as I thought smaller classes would help with behaviour and attention etc. He was assessed by CAMHs for ADHD in year 6 and found not to have it. In a nutshell, private school was a disaster for him as there was no free resources/help for him and the standards of behaviour are a lot higher and they can exclude for a lot less. When I saw it all coming off the rails, not helped by COVID, I got him privately assessed again for ADHD and finally got a diagnosis but the school still moved to exclude him. He then ended up in a state secondary which was a lot better at managing his ADHD, however, it took another 6-9 months to get his medication sorted by which point he got excluded from there too although for a one-time stupid decision. We then had a nightmare year of a failed managed move before I finally got him a place at another state secondary who were very supportive. He just passed all his GCSEs with good grades and will do A-levels. My advice would be, state is 100% better than private for managing ADHD and he will be better protected if behaviour is an issue. Get a diagnosis asap, privately if needed, then take this to CAMHS to get onto their lists so that you get free medication and counselling. I managed to do this but only after pushing a lot but we were running out of time and schools and noone was helping DS. The diagnosis will mean schools have to make reasonable adjustments and may entitle him to extra time in exams which could be critical. Do not wait to medicate and definitely get this sorted before GCSEs. I was very reluctant to medicate and DS said it didn't make any difference, however, teachers noticed a difference and I wanted to give him the best shot he had at doing well. Good luck.

Those Bs, Cs and Ds won't compare easily to KS3 assessment in another school and can't be translated directly to GCSE, as this isn't the measure and hasn't been since your DS was in primary school!

I have adhd and so do both my kids - one in private one if a grammar.
I would get a private diagnoses, medicate, move him to state and use the extra money for tutors. In terms of medicate there are options - we just mediated my son for his GCSEs so literally the 2months before his exams and he pushed his grades up two levels - he is naturally bright though.

@sef23 any comments on how horrified everyone is that you're denying your son treatment of a treatable medical condition?

I bet he’s not vaccinated either…

You need to get him assessed. ADHD has nothing to do with mental health - though it could cause mental health issues if you don’t help your son.

What puzzles me is how can know you for sure he has ADHD when infact he has NOT been diagnosed. Being 'fidgety and away with the fairies' could be anyone.

It’s a troll.

OP doesn’t believe in ADHD but thinks her child has some thing which according to her doesn’t exist. Also talking about alphabet grades which haven’t existing for nearly 10 years.

There seems to be quite a lot of muddle in your OP. Things to think about:
ADHD is about neurodiversity. It is correlated with mental health issues, and very probably causative of some, but it is not a mental health issue in itself. You really ought to pay for a private assessment because at the moment you are trying to make decisions on the basis of no knowledge or understanding.
Certainly a lot can change between Yr 9 and year 11. But no one can predict where he'll do better, least of all people who don't know him or the schools. You are best placed to make a decision, but only if you base the decision on knowledge about how his brain works.

This is sensible and logical advice. Spend money on getting an accurate diagnosis. The recommendations may not necessarily be medication. It might be different method of teaching or help with organisation and planning skills. You're then in a better position to decide whether private or state will be best.