Year 7 - Making friends

[NandaFern]

What works well? Dd has a lovely friendship group in primary but will be the only one moving up to her secondary school. She is socially confident but not extrovert and sometime flies a bit under the radar or doesn't get noticed. What are good things to say or do to make friends in her form and also the rest of the year group as they mix them for subjects so they are not with their form all the time. Any tips would be great. What'sapp, yes or no? Shall she go up to people or wait to be approached? If stuck for knowing what to say, can anyone share some good opening lines? She is not the most vivacious child but is not unconfident either. Just a bit quieter than some.

Her school have a slightly different way of doing things. Dc will be in a form but all subjects are mixed with other forms so they are never with the same people other than first thing in the morning.

Encourage her to find out how to join extra-curriculars that she would enjoy - best place to find like-minded people

That is great. She will meet lots of different people and make friends with a variety of people. It might take some time to find her good friends, but she will meet a lot of people on the way. I had this growing up and you tend to meet your friends at lunch and get to know so many people when you mix the class a lot. Whatsap does help in making friends (at least from what I have seen for dd).

I think reassure her that it takes a bit of time to for new friendships to become established so not to worry too much early on or put herself under too much pressure. Agree that extra curricular clubs are a good way for keeping busy at lunchtimes etc and meeting like-minded people.

The school will do lots of ice breaker/ get to know you quizzes etc. Hopefully, they'll have a phased entry in September so they'll get the run of the school during an inset day before the rest of the school return.

Extra curriculars and sports teams are the way forward in year 7, it's really the best way to meet a large number of people on a more sociable environment to a classroom. Get involved in sports teams, drama productions even if it's behind scenes etc.

It's common that they cling to any recognizable face from their Primary until around Christmas when more mixing starts to happen.

One of DDs friends had a set weekly 'Friends' night's when he and his siblings all invited a friend around, made pizza, played board games in a bit of a games night, I think they had done it throughout Primary too which worked well. Obviously alot of children are playing out but if you want to get to know her friends this is a good way to do it and if your house can become the teen hangout all the better.

Something to keep in mind, year 7s are absolutely exhausted by October half term and pick up every cough and cold as their immune systems are mixing much like when they start nursery or Freshers Flu, don't plan any sort of holiday or activities for October half term and expect them to crash.

Induction day next Thursday. Any top tips form those who have gone through this with older siblings? If you have socially savvy dc, what would they recommend to a year 7 to be?

She'll probably be sat next to the same person every French lesson, and the same person every history lesson, and so on, so she'll get to know her desk partners. In some ways, it's better than having every lesson with the same class, because she'll work with several different children, and hopefully she'll click with some of them.

DD had a similar set up in her school. She spotted someone alone inform and asked if they wanted to sit by her as neither had anyone from their primary. Then at break/ lunch times she’d ask anyone alone if they wanted to wait with her for their friends from form. She ended up being introduced to each person’s friends (from form, primary, subject classes) and had a friendship group that grew exponentially- there was always someone asking if she wanted to sit with them at lunch, often in groups of 10+ at first. By week 2 she had phone numbers of 23 new friends. She went from being shy to being the most social of my dc.
DS (currently y7) was much more confident so no strategy needed- he just volunteers for everything, joins every activity, talks to everyone.
Definitely yes to WhatsApp, but no to Snapchat (lots do have it, but so many problems arise there and none of my 4 have been left out as a result of not having it)

This time last year we were in the same position: DD going to a secondary that none of her friends were. Don't worry, they usually soon find their tribe and now at the end of Yr 7 she has an amazing group of close friends.
Her strategy was to avoid the immediately popular or mean girls and that has served her well. She has stayed out of the drama and has been drawn to quietet kids like herself.
Definitely encourage her to join clubs, choir has been the making for DD even though she could barely sing a note before joining.

DD has made a lot of friends via her sports. A good way to make friends is doing loads of sports and/or clubs. Basically, whatever your interests are, sign up for it and you will meet people you have things in common with.

She went from being shy to being the most social of my dc. Love this x

Join clubs be it sports, drama, orchestra whatever it is she likes.

Don't rush into trying to make a group, just be friendly to everyone.

Much better to be mixed up than be with the same form all day.

What's app does help, my DD is always on it. Snapchat too, so far no bad experiences with it (she's just finishing year 8). She is still friends with 2 of the girls she was friends with at primary school. A couple of others have joined their gang too - these were girls who didn't have any friends from primary that had moved up with them so they kind of adopted them because they were alone. So looking out for others in her class who don't know anyone else is a good tip.
Maybe after a month or so she could invite a couple of her new friends over after school or at the weekend for a movie/pizza night to help cement the friendships