Feel miserable and need a good moan! DS having induction at the school we got - really don't like it.

[localnotail]

Just that, really! Feel depressed and cant sleep so decided to have a whine.

We ended up with a school over 3 miles away, it was number 5 on our list (and it shouldn't have been on our list, but its another story). The school is supposedly "above average" but really is just a dumping ground for all the kids who could not get a place at their preferred school - no idea what area they cover but the school has no catchment and accepts everyone. Its a nightmare to get to (no buses go straight to it, a lot of walking through narrow back streets), would take over an hour and the school is located in a very high crime area known for muggins. They have zero phone policy, also not allowing money, so basically I will have to ferry my poor DS back and forth as don't want my 11 year old to wander through dodgy parts of London for an hour without phone or money. I tried talking to the school about allowing him to have his phone for travelling but they told me they have 1000 children on site and no one is getting special treatment. So I had to ask my work to allow me to go pick him up and got myself a pay cut for now (just what I need as a single parent).

He did not get into his preferred school as we had to move slightly further out a few year ago, the catchment for this school is tiny. We are 11th on the waiting list so no chance of getting in for September. This school is very impressive academically, close to us (15 minutes walk), most of his classmates are going there, and all the kids form the previous years, so I already know all the parents, our primary had a very active parent group which is now moving into this secondary.

I know I'm probably overthinking it but I cant get over my poor DS being forced to go to the school we got. He is the only kid who did not get his preferred place and no one knows this secondary he is going to (he is the only child from his primary who was unfortunate enough to end up there). His teacher was shocked and told me to transfer him to our local secondary school as soon as I can, so I will try - but for now I have to endure preparing him to go to the school we are made to go to, and try to make the best of it. The travelling will be a stressful nightmare adding hours to our day and screwing up with our lives. I know a lot of kids travel to their secondaries but they travel to attend a better school - in our case, we have to travel further out to attend at best, an average school. I feel very isolated and excluded, and try my best to hide my feeling from my DS - trying to make him feel positive - but feel like this is a complete shit show as going to this school is only going to be temporary but I have to act as if its not for my DS's sake. But even having to look into buying his uniform etc makes me irrationally angry - like, "why do I have to spend money on this shit??" 😂

So just that, really. This weighs heavily on my mind at the moment and I feel like I failed my child - either way, if he stays at this school, he will have to travel further out and will have substandard education; if he is going to be moved to have a shorter trip to school and better academic prospects - it will probably be around spring time - it will be disruptive and stressful for him... A lot of people are telling me "maybe he will like it and want to stay" but I don't really know how I feel about it. I just want him to have the best chance of getting a good education, and I feel this school is not going to provide it.

Anyways, thanks for listening. x

Which school is it? Lots of Hackney schools are rated outstanding, what is it's ofsted rating? Also lots of secondary schools have the no phone no money policy.

I don't want to discuss the details, and it doesn't matter tbh. This school we are at is rated Good but its last ofsted inspection was 5 year ago. The school we wanted to get to also rated Good but its results are amazing.

I would have no problem with no phones no money policy if it was a school 15 minutes away from home - or at least a school you can easily get to.

I really feel for you op. Reading your op, I felt your pain and it's entirely understandable. You've done a brilliant thing not letting him see how affected you feel, that wouldn't help him at all.
Fingers crossed for a move soon just from a logistics pov that will be a big positive improvement, and meanwhile let's hope he does ok and has some positive experiences.

I’d give him a cheap ‘burner phone’ to use to and from school and which he can stash in his bag out of sight. On that note though, teaching staff taking his phone and confiscating it for a term??? That would constitute theft in my book and I would be arguing that point strongly should that occasion arise.

11th in March is not bad but in July is not promising at all

@Thegeneralone its the XPLORA GO
we got it in one of the Amazon sales. You don’t have to go for the subscription option and can just buy data for it.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09XDR5SBT?ref=cm_sw_r_apin_dp_T4BPGBN9E468J82D0410&ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_dp_T4BPGBN9E468J82D0410&social_share=cm_sw_r_apin_dp_T4BPGBN9E468J82D0410&language=en-GB&th=1&psc=1

OP what is your housing situation? Any chance you can move closer. We were on edge of catchment, in fact ended up being comfortably in at the necessary time. However we were also due to move and we considered really on the face of it unsuitable places (tiny flats on major dual carriage A roads) so we’d be as close to the school as possible in case of waiting list.

it seems, with the benefit of hindsight you were poorly advised that your new house would be in catchment. Any chance of moving again?

I think it will be fine OP. IMO, there is a lot of movement in the first couple of weeks (and beyond) in London secondary schools, so your DS is likely to get a place in your preferred school quite quickly.

The phone and no cash rules are VERY sensible. Young boys are a big target for muggers, so it's better if he has nothing to hand over.

Just do what the rest of us do, itag on his keys to monitor his whereabouts and a kids pre-paid card e.g. Revolut or similar with a £20 emergency fund. That way if he does get mugged he can hand over the card, you can cancel it and the muggers only get £20.

Ps my son is at a very oversubscribed school in North London and everyone we know got a place there eventually, if they wanted one. Kids leave and spaces come up all the time.

Keep in touch with the first choice school. Ring the office and ask how they update their waiting list and how they prefer parents to contact them to express continued interest. I was so surprised to be told by one school: 'Call us every morning first thing. First parent to ring gets the place if someone drops out.' I'd have thought that was pestering but they said it was a 10 second call and saved them having to ring around and chase people. Different schools have different policies. Some call you or write to see if you are still interested.

Hold out for the right school. There will always be some movement in London families. And do chase on the first few days of term. I have heard of pupils never showing up, parents moving out of area or going private and not bothering to inform the school. There may be some movement in September.

@FleetwoodMacAttack I definitely can not move! I just about managed to buy a flat close enough to the area where I was renting, properties within the catchment area of our preferred school are in the "low millions", as Americans would say.

@thinkfast I know there are things I can do (tags, emergency money, etc) but I really hate all this, like how is it normal to prepare like this for a simple journey to school?

Thank you very much to all who chatted to me here, it helped a lot. DS came back from his induction day saying he was bored but the school is ok and he already made friends ))) he really is a sweetheart, happy with everything - unlike his drama queen mother.

I was so surprised to be told by one school: 'Call us every morning first thing. First parent to ring gets the place if someone drops out.' I'd have thought that was pestering but they said it was a 10 second call and saved them having to ring around and chase people

Legally, the school cannot do that for the the first term, during which time, a waiting list must be kept in oversubscription criteria order and available places offered accordingly.

After December 31st in the year of entry, the school does not have to keep a list at all, so yes, in that case, it would be able to offer the place to the first person to ask for it, even though if that person's dc and the DC of all the other people reliant on just getting lucky when they call for the nth time we're to be on a formal Continuing Interest list and ranked according to the oversubscription criteria, they wouldn't be the one to get it.

Personally, I have only come across one school which operated this system (and another which stated that they 'did not operate a waiting list', but may possibly have been being deliberately or otherwise literal, and did actually hold a CI list), and they gave it up for a formal CI process a few years ago.

Legally, its not allowed. Realistically, this really does happen.

I was so surprised to be told by one school: 'Call us every morning first thing. First parent to ring gets the place if someone drops out.' I'd have thought that was pestering but they said it was a 10 second call and saved them having to ring around and chase people

Unbelievable 🤦🏼‍♀️

I'm in a similar position to you but if the school is the kind of school where parents might be opting for private I would say there is still some hope.

We applied late due to my husband being made redundant abroad which meant we lost our visa and had to return to the UK suddenly. We started on the waiting list as number 1 for first preference school on national offer day (we would have easily got in as an on-time applicant) but no places have come up at all.

I've since found out that they had been asked by the council to take on A LOT of extra kids with EHCPs and then a bunch of appeals were won by kids too a couple of weeks ago putting us at an effective 12th on the waiting list (although if I ask they say we are still no1).

Only 2 kids have withdrawn their places which - going by previous years is really, really low. People up to 15th on the list get offers normally before the induction day so there's something weird going on. Either people won't be sending their kids private OR they are waiting until the last minute to give up their outstanding state space. Given the whatsapp message that went viral about "spooking the state school system" this doesnt feel implausible.

At our second choice school which is very similar but we are slightly further from we were 25th then 15th then 9th and now 6th (but im not sure how many appeals were won), so this feels like it might happen before the second week of September. There is often a lot of movement when kids just dont show up in September so dont buy too many sets of uniform if hes still at that school then.

Our allocated school is about an hour away on busses and isnt a good school - particularly for my very academic DC. The 5 A*-C GCSE metric is HALF what it is at our first-choice school. Our first and second allocated schools are both within 15 minutes walk of us.

We didnt appeal either as 1st on the list felt like a garuntee! but now im wondering if we have a shot. My DC does a sport at a regional level and wont be able to make training with the extra travel time (in the opposite direction of the training place) with the allocated school.

Either people won't be sending their kids private OR they are waiting until the last minute to give up their outstanding state space

@Rhayader ☝️This, the first part of the sentence, the second part yes but less likely, but maybe there will be somebody who wanted to mill two birds with one stone.
Simply the EHCP and all appeals, and "extraordinary circumstances" ars popping in before the waitlist.
But people do move out of the country etcand always within a first year you would be absorbed by the school if you are no 1 on the list

I’ve heard that they have people not turn up in September every year. Not sure if enough will do that though….

They do but more rarely in the best school in the area. The decision on private is more frequent if they secured place in the worse school and they were on the waitlist for the better one but didn't get it by September. Then they will move to private leaving a space in Sept for a first person from the wait list to jump in.

But as I understand you are talking about best school in the area. The better school the less movement when it comes to the decision private vs state.

This is the best school in the area. Attainment 8 up in the high 60s and a progress score of around 1.5.

Well, you may wait longer but the usual movement in the school of 800-1000 is that 1-2 kids leave per year.

Our preferred school usually has a lot of kids leaving in the first year - because its ridiculously strict and operates a system where teachers are screaming at kids and keeping them in fear, and give detentions for ridiculous things like looking out of the window. But its also spectacularly good academically and if kids settle into the school environment they do really well. However, there are many kids who cant deal with it and leave. So unless it gets a lot of private school children unexpectedly I think we stand a good chance to be able to move in Y7. But I do know that hte school is being "crafty" with how they select kids, and I heard of them actually calling parents of kids from the top band asking if they want a place. Or giving a place immediately to kids wanting to transfer from private school.

Maybe I've missed something - but you're complaining about the no. 5 school being too strict, when the no. 1 sounds even worse? It really isn't normal for teachers to scream at children. Do you genuinely feel your son would thrive there?

All of the schools where we live are Academies so they all are very strict when compared to a "normal" school. The school we got is also strict - no talking in corridors, idiotic zero policy for phones and money, etc. But I actually understand this is because of the area where we live, they have to be like this otherwise it would be impossible to teach anyone.

But even compared to the other schools our first priority school is notorious for being especially draconian. They employ some sort of a system where kids are trained to live in "healthy fear" - which to me sounds awful. But, the school has amazing academic results, wonderful after school activities and all the children who stay there seem to do really well. However, I know of many parents who did not put this school on the list as they did not like the strictness. I think its a balance - put up with strictness and have a better chance of great results, or go to average less strict school and hope for the best.

I do have doubts, of course I do. My DS was ok after his induction day and liked the school he got, thought said it was boring. His friends, who went to our first choice (very strict) school, all got detentions on their induction day which kind of horrified me a bit. His school only done a half day induction and did not do any tests, the other school made kids do reading tests and kept them till 3:30. But. We left a house an hour before and were nearly late. The journey was a complete nightmare, bus was late, traffic horrible, and we had to walk through empty back streets to find the school. I still don't know how my DS will manage this - there are no buses that go close to school, the buses don't seem to follow a timetable, and the walk from the bus stop is unpleasant and probably not safe once it starts getting dark (narrow empty residential streets).

But I guess I will have to wing it and see how it goes. I already arranged to pick him for 2 weeks when school starts, and will see how it goes from there. Our first choice school is 15 minutes away close to his primary, so for me its a massive plus. But of course if he really likes this school it would be difficult for me to make him move.

@Agapornis I would also add - my DS's primary did suggest he needs to go to the very strict school as he needs discipline to succeed...

His friends, who went to our first choice (very strict) school, all got detentions on their induction day which kind of horrified me a bit.

Turning up being cocky little a**eholes? Or what? I can't remember ever hearing of a school around us (admittedly not in London) finding it necessary to dole out detentions on induction day. I'm struggling with anyone wanting this school even as a 6th preference.

Presumably the streets around the allocated school won't be completely deserted at normal school times during the term? The pupils have all got to get there somehow.