Feel miserable and need a good moan! DS having induction at the school we got - really don't like it.

[localnotail]

Just that, really! Feel depressed and cant sleep so decided to have a whine.

We ended up with a school over 3 miles away, it was number 5 on our list (and it shouldn't have been on our list, but its another story). The school is supposedly "above average" but really is just a dumping ground for all the kids who could not get a place at their preferred school - no idea what area they cover but the school has no catchment and accepts everyone. Its a nightmare to get to (no buses go straight to it, a lot of walking through narrow back streets), would take over an hour and the school is located in a very high crime area known for muggins. They have zero phone policy, also not allowing money, so basically I will have to ferry my poor DS back and forth as don't want my 11 year old to wander through dodgy parts of London for an hour without phone or money. I tried talking to the school about allowing him to have his phone for travelling but they told me they have 1000 children on site and no one is getting special treatment. So I had to ask my work to allow me to go pick him up and got myself a pay cut for now (just what I need as a single parent).

He did not get into his preferred school as we had to move slightly further out a few year ago, the catchment for this school is tiny. We are 11th on the waiting list so no chance of getting in for September. This school is very impressive academically, close to us (15 minutes walk), most of his classmates are going there, and all the kids form the previous years, so I already know all the parents, our primary had a very active parent group which is now moving into this secondary.

I know I'm probably overthinking it but I cant get over my poor DS being forced to go to the school we got. He is the only kid who did not get his preferred place and no one knows this secondary he is going to (he is the only child from his primary who was unfortunate enough to end up there). His teacher was shocked and told me to transfer him to our local secondary school as soon as I can, so I will try - but for now I have to endure preparing him to go to the school we are made to go to, and try to make the best of it. The travelling will be a stressful nightmare adding hours to our day and screwing up with our lives. I know a lot of kids travel to their secondaries but they travel to attend a better school - in our case, we have to travel further out to attend at best, an average school. I feel very isolated and excluded, and try my best to hide my feeling from my DS - trying to make him feel positive - but feel like this is a complete shit show as going to this school is only going to be temporary but I have to act as if its not for my DS's sake. But even having to look into buying his uniform etc makes me irrationally angry - like, "why do I have to spend money on this shit??" 😂

So just that, really. This weighs heavily on my mind at the moment and I feel like I failed my child - either way, if he stays at this school, he will have to travel further out and will have substandard education; if he is going to be moved to have a shorter trip to school and better academic prospects - it will probably be around spring time - it will be disruptive and stressful for him... A lot of people are telling me "maybe he will like it and want to stay" but I don't really know how I feel about it. I just want him to have the best chance of getting a good education, and I feel this school is not going to provide it.

Anyways, thanks for listening. x

Secondary aged children in London get free travel on buses with a zip card, so boroughs don't have to do anything about travel.

Maybe tell us the school he’s got - chances are some of us will know it and can offer reassurance.

Also OP, if you are really annoyed about the phone thing (which you have a right to be) then you should raise it as a safeguarding issue with the head.

They are making your son walk home alone through unsafe areas without a mobile phone. That is a safeguarding risk.

The majority of schools allow phones switched off in bags, or have a place for kids to hand them in at the beginning of the day and then collect.

Particularly in the area of London that it sounds like they're in, they really should review this policy from a safeguarding perspective as they are putting their pupils at risk.

You could probably get a group of parents together that would support this view and lobby the head about it.

He'll get a place fairly quick. 11th isn't terrible and it won't be too disruptive, id feel equally fed up in your shoes though. But please please please try and be upbeat and positive for your DCs benefit. It won't help him to witness you constantly complaining and wringing your hands. Try and be excited for him and point out all the great new experiences he's going to have, friends he will make etc. It might even rub off on you a bit if you try hard enough

@localnotail I am so sorry that I sidetracked on the transport thing. Of course it wouldn't apply in London-I have no excuse for being dim. Except that I'm dim. I do hope things resolve for you.

I think for his sake and yours, you need to pull yourself together and stop catastrophizing. He didn't get any of your other schools because other people had a better claim to them. Maybe a place will come up in one, but for now, this is where he is going and you absolutely need to make the best of it.

It might be fine... he might meet some lovely friends, be inspired by committed teachers and be very happy there. You need to think like that, because otherwise it's going to be a very long and depressing five years, always fearing the worst. You've not even got there yet, you need to give it a chance.

FWIW, i know a good few children who have been failed by the "best" schools in the area, where their parents have had to move house to be sure of a place. And I know several others who've done really well at the comp with the worst reputation.

Genuinely it’s not as big a deal as you think it is.
Having a phone doesn’t actually make them any safer, in fact I’d argue walking along with a phone out makes them more vulnerable to accidents as the aren’t concentrating.
I would also argue it puts them at risk of mugging as they make themselves an easy target.
like I said mine took theirs but I was under no illusion it was for safety. Even these tracking apps are no use if the phone has been stolen.

Buy the cheapest phone you can find and get him to put it at the bottom of his bag.

Many schools with a zero phone policy don't do bag searches.

If he has a blazer then you can also unsew a pocket and put cash money in the lining.

I don't live in London and secondary school children het a free bus pass if their allocated school is over three miles away.

I'd get a cheap phone (with a payg sim with a rollover) and I'd create a false bottom or hidden pocket in his bag. And/or put it in a Faraday pouch.

In the meantime make sure you stay on every waiting list because some schools clear them after a certain length of time and move him if a place comes up.

Our London school bans smartphones but allows brick phones (switched off and in bags during the day).

We have other several school closer but they are awful

This jumped out to me and made me wonder - what are you basing this on? Because I'm struggling to think of a part of London that has several awful schools. Some will have reputations and all will have a mix of kids, but for a whole area to have awful schools except for one or two that you're too far from sounds like you might be judging those awful schools too harshly. Is it worth visiting some and reconsidering? Some near us that had bad reps turned out to be good or at least decent, while others with illustrious reps weren't all that. In your situation, I'd at least be open to the closer possibilities that may not be all that awful on closer consideration and it's worth being on their lists rather than schlepping to the allocated school.

I live in East London and base it on the rating of the school and on the mix of kids attending.

The waiting list might not be as bad as you think. The London population is very very fluid, and you're presumably on four waiting lists right now. Even being at 11 on your favourite school could very easily result in an offer because not everybody who was offered a place in that school will take it up.

Some will have moved elsewhere in the city and want to switch to their new catchment.

Some will have left London or even the UK!

Some will have put your favourite school down as their second choice and are currently waiting to get into their top choice, which will release their current place.

Some will have put your favourite school down, got it but are actually going to private school and it takes a couple of weeks for the system to process that you are not taking the state place and re-release it. (State school applications happen before private school places are offered in lots of areas, so you wouldn't want to assume you got into the private school and not apply for state.)

Keep at the other four on your list. A place will come up.

DS went in, poor thing, was so scared but I was all upbeat and made sure he goes in happy and excited. Going to take his to have pizza afterwards.

Talked to another parent with several kids there already re phones - the school is crazy about this, extra strict, check bags and generally have zero tolerance for any phones, smartwatches or any other similar devices, even old school ones. Confiscate them for the term (yes, they really do that) if found. Seems like its a bit of a fixation here.

As I said, I already wrote to the headteacher explaining our situation and asking for help, and got an email with a chink of their policy coped basically saying they don't care and i can do whatever I want but the phones are not allowed. The email wasn't even addressed to me, and was not signed by anyone...I mean, adding my name at the top would have been a bit of a chore, no doubt. Or actually responding to what I have written in my letter. And then I got the same email, again - but in different font colour. And after that, the more encounters I had with the school, the less encouraged I felt - it all seems very shambolic, unprofessional and impersonal.

@NightBirdy I thought this is what I basically said? We are trying to make the best of it. He might like it and might make friends though I have no idea how it would work as they are literally not allowed to talk to each other in school (not just this school, every Academy in Hackney). He is not likely to stay there for 5 years as I hope we will get a place at the preferred school sometime during Y7.

I feel your pain.

My ds was allocated a place at a school that even Ofsted said wasn't safe.

Keep trying for something closer.

My God, how awful! I hope you can sort it out.

You’ve not failed him. This isn’t your fault. I’d feel the same.

I’d go all out John LeCarré on the phone & cash, get a cheap one and wrap it with a tenner in a false bottom of the bag, there for emergencies, as he can have his zip card with him.

I hope a place comes up soon x

Did you apply as a first choice a school you knew you were outside the catchment for? Is that why you also never received a place in the other three schools, that is, you were in the catchment but you didn't put any of them as your first choice.
My friend did this. She thought DS would automatically get a place in the schools they were in the catchment for, and saw no harm in putting the oversubscribed outstanding school outside of catchment as first choice. Her DS now has to take three buses to get to school. If this is the case, did no one warn you this could happen?

Good luck, OP. I know of two people who were quite far down on oversubscribed London school waiting lists and had lost all hope. The both got a call on the second day of term to offer them a place. It was stressful (having bought uniform for the school they didn't want, having to buy uniform for the new school, paperwork, etc) but the kids settled happily and quickly in their preferred schools after that. I hope things move in the right direction for you.

Even if it doesn't work out this year, there may be movement later. Make sure you stay on the waiting lists or, if they don't have one, ask how you can register your interest (and remind them of it regularly).

@Mishmashs Could you possibly share the brand and model of your son's blockable watch?

I'm struggling to understand how any school in Hackney is apparently so unconnected by bus routes? Or is it just an inconvenient route for him?

I live in East London and base it on the rating of the school and on the mix of kids attending.

So the others are all rated inadequate? That would be concerning, but can also mean they've got a spotlight on them and should be improving. It doesn't need to mean that the experience of all students will be awful and that some don't do well. It's still worth weighing up against the distance and issues you have with the allocated school to see if a waiting list place from a closer school is better. I wouldn't worry too much about the mix of kids - thousands of kids attend and your DC will find his people.

I think 11th place on waiting list for your preferred school is hopeful anyway so perhaps that will work out for you, but consider getting more lists and revisiting those options.

I think your chances are pretty good that a place will come up for your DS. There are always several places that come up after the first day as many people infuriatingly fail to decline the place (eg when they have chosen private school instead). But even before that there will still be lots of movement over the summer as well. As PPs have mentioned, London has a very transient population, so there will always be families moving out and places freeing up.

The uniform thing is annoying. I’d suggest waiting until just a week or two before to get the uniform in case things change, and even then, don’t take the tags off until the last minute so you can return if need be!

I don't think this would not have been the reason your friend didn't get any of their 'catchment' schools. The ranking on the application is the applicant's order of preference but putting a school first does not give you priority over others who put it lower down on their lists.

Ok, I have no idea what you mean but schools cant see what place you are putting them at. They either allocate a place or don't, and the local Education authority then decides, based on your preference, what school you are going to. So for me to get this school, the other three further up the list had to say they have no place for my DS. I could have probably missed out on the school further down the list but not up the list.

We are within the catchment, and when I was moving I was told by the school I would get in. But they cant guarantee it and there are other factors at play (siblings, number of looked after kids, number from feeder primary). If you think about it, we are 11th out of over a 100 total on the waiting list, so its not that bad.

The are not rated "inadequate", at least not all of them - but I looked at attainment, progression and other stats, they are not suitable schools for my DS. Awful as in I can see kids coming in and out of the couple of schools near my home. But they seem happy enough so I guess you are right, for them its not an "awful" school