School unable to identify sexual harassment perpetrator and are doing nothing

[Birdsflyinghigh1]

Our secondary has investigated a couple of sexual harassment incidents reported by DD (13). A boy in her year lifted up her skirt from behind - this has happened twice. On both occasions a large group of boys from her year were present and laughing and shouting - high jinks for them.

The school have an idea of who this group of boys is, they have all been interviewed and have corroborated each other's stories insofar as they all agree that someone lifted DD's skirt, but none of them can (will?) say who.

The school suspect the boys are covering for each other but they also say there's nothing they can do without a statement, witness or evidence. So the school accept DD was sexually harassed, but because they can't identify the specific boy, there will be no further action.

DD has to go back into school with nothing in place to protect her from these boys going forward, and of course now they know they can do it and get away with it. She's even more at risk and I feel she'll be a sitting duck.

The only suggestion from school is that DD spends her lunchtimes and breaks in the library where a teacher is present and she'll have some separation from the group of boys. This isn't going to work and sends the wrong message completely. AIBU to keep DD at home until the school deal with this effectively?

Further to all of that, accounts of what happened to DD have been circulating on Snapchat and the school haven't addressed it. No investigation whatsoever. They know it's an issue because other parents have told them about it, but haven't asked for screenshots or addressed it.

@ilovebreadsauce the OP states "a large group of boys from her year were present and laughing and shouting". Not quite "happened to be standing with" is it? If my teenage DS was present when a girl was sexually assaulted and complict in the cover-up of that assault, I'd also be going nuclear, just a little closer to home than the school. This is outrageous behaviour on the part of the boys in this group.

With an attitude like that I can understand how boys think it's ok to act like this. If my son stood by while his friends commit sexual assault and did nothing I'd have stern words with him. If he then lied to cover it up I'd go nuclear

You can go to prison for joint enterprise. Might be a valuable lesson for him.

I think I would go absolutely mental. I feel angry enough reading about this happening to someone else’s girl and the schools wet lettuce pathetic response.

My teens are at an all girls school - this is not an accident.

In our local school an incident took place. Not what happened to your daughter but more a bullying incident. Group of lads, no-one would say who actually committed the incident. The whole group were suspended for four days. When the parents complained they were told that their sons were implicit in the incident that being a bystander was equally as wrong as being the main perpetrator. The board of management upheld the principals decision. Your poor daughter. I would report to the police

@ilovebreadsauce would your DS just stand by, would he try and stop, would he report and give a truthful and full description of the incident in his witness statement?

You need to chase this up with the Head until they punish these boys severely.

What is their bullying policy?

Have they seen Jodie Foster's The Accused? Are they genuinely not aware that the mindset of standing by and cheering on the perpetrators of sexual assault is just as harmful and sometimes leads to worse behaviour by the attacker?

I'd ask them to punish all the boys as a group; send them all to the library every lunch and break time with teachers watching they don't commit more assaults?

Why should your daughter lose her free time because she was the repeated victim of sexual assault?

This seems insane.

They're teaching their students that men can get away with sexual assault and women have to remove themselves because their mere presence in the room is the cause; how fucking awful!!

One part of the reason for punishing the group is because it makes the kids who didnt do the thing really think seriously about what they're prepared to get involved with and who they want to risk being associated with. If you can always hang about in a group and use that as protection "but it wasn't me sir, I was just there" then you start to think you're untouchable. The school are really putting their heads in the sand in they know who the group are but are doing nothing.

Refer to the latest KCSIE document. There’s a huge focus in there on child on child sexual abuse. Might help to focus the school’s mind.

Glad to see victim blaming is still alive and well 🙄
Your daughter should be able to wear to a skirt if she wants to.

And the school should be isolating the group and spending lunchtime with teachers until someone owns up, instead of punishing your DD. Unbelievable!

When I was a teen, if a group covered for each other like this, every single one of them would be put in detention. Most of them would pretty quickly "remember" what happened.

They were all involved in the harassment even if they just shouted etc, and they know full well who lifted her skirt, so the punishment would be deserved.

If the boys are covering for each other, then all the boys involved need to be disciplined. IMO a day or two suspension is appropriate. The school are setting a very dangerous precedent by allowing the boys to cover for each other in this way. It won't work for them in the real world and it shouldn't work for them in school. If my son was involved in something like this, I would want to know and I would want him disciplined, and two days suspension for covering up another boys violation of a girl is entirely appropriate.

@Birdsflyinghigh1

Who in the school has been dealing with this?
It sounds like its the HoY who is being useless.
It should be the head teacher or child safety officer.

Well its moot now because they are now grown men!
Had something like that happened when they were 12 or 13 year old boys, I think they would probably have told the perpetrator to knock it off and dissociated themselves from the wrongdoer and group.

Although this is obviously extremely distressing fir the op's daughter, the actions of a 12 or 13 year old boy who are in the main very anmoying and immature is very different to an assault by an older boy or man which is more likely to be sexually motivated.

@ilovebreadsauce oh that old boys will be boys crap. Why should girls have to put up with behaviour like that?

What would they do if she got a few mates together and broke his nose? Would they say oh we don’t know which girl it was, he’d better sit in the library? I’m guessing not.

@ilovebreadsauce
surely assault is assault

If I were in your shoes then I would not allow my daughter to return to that school until they've made it clear to the boys that they have to disclose the perpetrator of the assault or else they all face the same punishment which in my opinion should be they all get banned from school for a week to put the onus on the parents to let their sons know that their behaviour is unacceptable.

Sadly the culture today is 'snitches get stitches' and schools are wishy washy about banning children.

Why on earth should she have to hide away in the library at break times!

I think all the boys should be punished, daily detentions until they can name who actually did it. I'd bet the name comes out fairly quickly!

This sounds like a good plan….👏😀

It's a stupid plan, and not only because she doesn't know who he is 🙄

My point was that the school would be inclined to take it very seriously and probably not suggest that the boy just sits with a teacher

I know, I completely understood the irony!! 😀

Oh, I got your point. I agree.

Can you leave me alone please. It’s the second thread now, where you have made a dig. Thank you.

If they are covering for each other, then the school must sanction them all (as they are all in the wrong), and tell them all that they will have to escalate the matter to the police. The school's response is pitiful.

Tell the school you plan to write to the governors/board members, copying in to MP. And do it.