School unable to identify sexual harassment perpetrator and are doing nothing

[Birdsflyinghigh1]

Our secondary has investigated a couple of sexual harassment incidents reported by DD (13). A boy in her year lifted up her skirt from behind - this has happened twice. On both occasions a large group of boys from her year were present and laughing and shouting - high jinks for them.

The school have an idea of who this group of boys is, they have all been interviewed and have corroborated each other's stories insofar as they all agree that someone lifted DD's skirt, but none of them can (will?) say who.

The school suspect the boys are covering for each other but they also say there's nothing they can do without a statement, witness or evidence. So the school accept DD was sexually harassed, but because they can't identify the specific boy, there will be no further action.

DD has to go back into school with nothing in place to protect her from these boys going forward, and of course now they know they can do it and get away with it. She's even more at risk and I feel she'll be a sitting duck.

The only suggestion from school is that DD spends her lunchtimes and breaks in the library where a teacher is present and she'll have some separation from the group of boys. This isn't going to work and sends the wrong message completely. AIBU to keep DD at home until the school deal with this effectively?

Further to all of that, accounts of what happened to DD have been circulating on Snapchat and the school haven't addressed it. No investigation whatsoever. They know it's an issue because other parents have told them about it, but haven't asked for screenshots or addressed it.

On both occasions a large group of boys from her year were present and laughing and shouting - high jinks for them.
Given their response to her being sexual harassed, in itself disgusting, I would expect the school to be addressing the whole group. speaking to them about sexual harassment and appropriate behaviour and saying if the group is ever involved in sexual harassment or laughing at anyone who has been sexually harassed again they will all be in detention. The message the school is sending these boys is appalling and dangerous and should not be reinforced by making the victim have to go somewhere else for protection. I would be escalating this through the complaints procedure and if I didn't get an appropriate response and it ever happens again I would be down at the police station right away.

I’d go to the police for sure, let them interview the boys!

The school are throwing up their hands on this because its easier to silence the person harasser then deal with the harassers. They know what the answer is, you discipline the whole group. Covering up sexual harrassment makes them just as bad as the person who committed the sexual harassesment so they all deserve the same punishment. Its disgusting in this day and age that a school is acting this way.

Why should your DD have to change her habits and behaviours to avoid being sexually harassed by boys? This sends the wrong message!

If you aren't getting anywhere with the HT complain to the Board of Governors. What is the school's policy on bullying/inappropriate behaviour? Find that out. And yes, upskirting is a criminal offence though I don't know how far you'll get with the police tbh.

The school needs to take charge and do a lesson on consent, sexual harassment and other issues like this. I follow Men At Work on Twitter/X who goes to schools to talk to boys about this stuff. Drop him a DM and see what he says.

This is just complete BS, schools keep cctv for much longer than that.
I would get the police involved and get a crime number.
Also escalate this up through the schools complaints policy.

The school I work in would punish all the boys in this instance. We teach them repeatedly it is unacceptable to be a bystander and just let things like this happen. So sorry this has happened to your daughter.

I am disappointed to hear the school didn't identify the group at least from cctv. I would expect the school to have taken action immediately to at least identify the group. And work through the images to rule out those who would not have clear sight.

It isn't rocket science.

In my previous school, punishing the whole group would have led to absolute outrage from the parents of the group. It’s a nightmare. I agree this is what should happen but the pushback from parents is now horrendous. I’ve had parents in reception screaming that we’re holding their darlings hostage in detention, against human rights, questioning every decision.

This school is missing a valuable opportunity.

Own up, speak up or be punished as a group.

Behave badly as a group, be punished as a group. This is what would happen if they committed a crime within the community.

School should also contact the local
community Policing team
and ask them to pay a visit.

I wouldn’t be able to let this go.

No no. The victim doesn't get their freedom curtailed while the offenders waltz around carefree.

The group of boys should be on supervised library "rest" until they get a sudden attack of memory.

Quite apart from your daughter's needs, these boys need to learn pronto that there are unpleasant consequences for both sexual harassment and for covering for a sexual harasser.

Escalate to govenors and police.

So the OP needs to ensure that she is causing more nuisance and noise than those boys' parents are.

challenge accepted IMO.

I don’t disagree with you. It’s appalling behaviour but I can just envisage it ending up in a stand off & nothing being resolved. Even worse, the boys involved loving the attention, the attack on school by parents whose kids can’t put a foot wrong, refusing to stay for detention/isolation etc…then what. Someone upthread mentioned permanent exclusion for the group - not a chance that would make it though a review panel. It is incredibly difficult to perm ex now…& if you do, you usually then end up having to take another pupil from a local school who is perm ex or edge of.

Whilst I agree the school should do something I doubt very much the criminal system would find them all guilty. It barely finds actual rapists guilty so I doubt it would for this

One of the boys is probably a teachers son or something. Call the police.

Act as a group, be sanctioned as a group, surely? Did your DD report the incident at the time or not until the CCTV had been deleted? It’s not ok for your DD to have to change her behaviour. I would escalate to governors as a safeguarding failure and to the police - these children are over the age of criminal responsibility and need a fright to remind them they can’t get away with this sort of behaviour.

All the boys would be in isolation at our school

Write to the governors and inform the police and ofsted.

I don't know how secondary schools deal with it, but I know how we would deal with it is an employment situation. We would sanction all the males - and in a second incident we would dismiss them all. Neither work nor school are courts of law - you don't need to know which person did it. You have a reasonable belief that it happened and therefore they are all as guilty as each other.

You can’t punish all the boys for sexual assault.
You can punish them all for failing to report a sexual assault.

You can call the group in and give them extra work around sex based violence until they stop finding it funny.

Go to the police. Complain formally to school and take it all the way to governors. It's not just sexual bullying there is sex discrimination here from the school.

Hiding in the library won't protect her anyway. I used to hide in the library a lot as a teen. I remember taking all different routes trying to get there safely. It will become a game for them get your dd before she's safe in the library.

I would not let this rest. A couple of suggestions:

Contact the police
Involve the govenors
Make it clear on school fb groups that this is unacceptable - some parents won't care, of course, but if I got wind of this (as the mother of two teenage boys) I would be questioning them on what they knew!
Have meetings with both the head and your daughter's tutor and make it very clear you will not let this drop until a clear plan of action has been agreed/instigated. This should include an assembly to make it very clear that this behaviour is unacceptable.

Basically start a massive campaign and do not let it drop. Sometimes you have to force the school to take action. Try and get some other mothers behind you if you can.

You have to wonder what they'd do it it happened to a teacher..

I'd be pushing for the whole group of boys to be punished collectively as they are all complicit.

Doesn't matter if they did it they still all celebrated it collectively.

I reach on if nothing else it a) sends the right message and b) might make them stop protecting each other if they aren't protected collectively.

But I agree about refusing to send her in until they take action.

The group as a whole Should be punished! By sitting back and keeping their mouths shut they are complicit.

The police will need a named perpetrator in order to investigate but they will log it as a crime against your daughter, you could name all those involved as perpetrators but when she does the statement it will become apparent that they haven't all assaulted her and I suspect it will go nowhere, but it should be pushed for the school to separate this group from the wider school at breaks given they appear to be a risk to others or name and shame in a school assembly but I can imagine the reactions of the rest of the parents!