School unable to identify sexual harassment perpetrator and are doing nothing

[Birdsflyinghigh1]

Our secondary has investigated a couple of sexual harassment incidents reported by DD (13). A boy in her year lifted up her skirt from behind - this has happened twice. On both occasions a large group of boys from her year were present and laughing and shouting - high jinks for them.

The school have an idea of who this group of boys is, they have all been interviewed and have corroborated each other's stories insofar as they all agree that someone lifted DD's skirt, but none of them can (will?) say who.

The school suspect the boys are covering for each other but they also say there's nothing they can do without a statement, witness or evidence. So the school accept DD was sexually harassed, but because they can't identify the specific boy, there will be no further action.

DD has to go back into school with nothing in place to protect her from these boys going forward, and of course now they know they can do it and get away with it. She's even more at risk and I feel she'll be a sitting duck.

The only suggestion from school is that DD spends her lunchtimes and breaks in the library where a teacher is present and she'll have some separation from the group of boys. This isn't going to work and sends the wrong message completely. AIBU to keep DD at home until the school deal with this effectively?

Further to all of that, accounts of what happened to DD have been circulating on Snapchat and the school haven't addressed it. No investigation whatsoever. They know it's an issue because other parents have told them about it, but haven't asked for screenshots or addressed it.

If they watched their mate sexually assault someone and did nothing, laughed/encouraged it on that is joint enterprise. they are assisting him in covering up as well.

and they absolutely can punish them all.

I would go to headmaster and say that he is leaving you with no choice and that you have to register the incident with the police and let them know that school is ignoring sexual harrasment.
The school should call in parents of those boys and talk to them that unless they cooperate they will be suspended as they are part of it.

There is no excuse for school that tolerates such behaviour. If they tolerate it then the kids will cross also other barriers. I am not saying that the boy who has done it should be kicked out of the school but a suspension for a week would help him process it and his peers to learn what is right or wrong.

Is this an example of joint enterprise? The teachers should absolutely be treating them all as participants as they have acknowledged they were there and saw the skirt lifted.

The way the school should do it is:
Get each boy in on their own, give them a rocket about how serious this is, then say "Who was it? The others all said it was you." That gets the truth out of them.

This type of scenario is the reason crimes like "allowing a child to come to harm" had to be defined, because otherwise both halves of a couple who harm a child can say "the other one did it".

It's ridiculous that a school can let them get away with just saying "it was someone else". Good luck OP and I hope your daughter can get some closure.

Why haven’t you reported it to the Police. Furthermore if I were your daughter I would wear trousers. Of course this doesn’t negate at all the need for action against the boys. It’s disgraceful behaviour.

From experience and anecdotal information, absolutely nothing at all.

Furthermore if I were your daughter I would wear trousers.

Whilst I can see why people are suggesting this, that simply plays into the narrative that "she's asking for it". Girls and women should be able to wear whatever the want without risk of assault and harassment.

You poor DD, I hate everything about secondary! Ugh.

The issue is that the school can't prove it, and if you went to the police it would be the same outcome. If none of the boys want to own up, you're sadly a bit stuck.

I am not sure what the answer is tbh. I have seen some schools deal with this really effectively by using there safer schools police officer (ask who yours is and whether they have one) where all the kids have been brought in with their parents and eventually one has squealed. Even going as far as analysing their phones and factory resetting them with parental permission.

Other schools are a bit lapse.

So, my advice firstly is find out if you have a safer schools police officer for your school. Secondly, I would ask if the parents of the boys have been contacted and if not, why. I would also be sending her in (if she wants to) in trousers.
Failing that, I would put your concerns to the governors/academy as well, this usually gets some action.

The school have an idea of who this group of boys is, they have all been interviewed and have corroborated each other's stories insofar as they all agree that someone lifted DD's skirt, but none of them can (will?) say who.

Now, when you say the school have an idea which group it is , a key point is do they KNOW which group of boys, or is it conjecture? Very important distinction in how they can proceed.
I think ghe school should appeal fir any other victims to come forward, as I feel its unlikely that its just one lass being targeted,and maybe they would be able to help with identification.

I am a bit confused.If your daughter saw it was a group of boys from her year, se must know some of them tk identify the year group.

Sorry ignore the above.i hadn't read the op properly!

A few years back, one of my dc was punished because he was part of a group that wouldn’t own up to something one boy had done (damage to property not sexual harassment thank goodness) and whilst I was angry, I supported the school’s decision. The perpetrator did finally own up due to peer pressure and had to pay for the damage but all had after school detentions until it was resolved. Mind you, lots of parents were up in arms about it ‘but it wasn’t my darling who did it’ totally blind to the fact they were all goading each each on and whilst only one was stupid enough to do it, they were all responsible for being in that position in the first place just like the by-standers in your DD’s case absolutely should be punished. They need an education in social responsibility- there were some great ads recently about speaking out against bullying and sexual harassment. It takes maturity and strength of character but there also needs to be an awareness that should (is?) be part of secondary school education.

The only suggestion from school is that DD spends her lunchtimes and breaks in the library where a teacher is present and she'll have some separation from the group of boys. This isn't going to work and sends the wrong message completely. AIBU to keep DD at home until the school deal with this effectively?

Tell the school that is victim blaming and if anyone should have their breaks and lunches supervised in the library it should be the whole group of boys unless they name the culprit. Whilst there maybe they can be taught something about sexual assault, abuse, respecting people and how not to be a dick

Suggesting that girls should wear trousers and hide in the libraries not to come across the boys and not "to provoke inappropriate behaviors" is ridiculous and outrageous. I have a completely different experience with schools addressing those sorts of issues or any B/G bullying issues. Upskirting and bullying of a girl by a group of boys on two (!) occasions should not go down easily. In the school my DCs attend the accused boys will actually go into hiding in the library to avoid any contact with a victim.

Joint enterprise. They should all face consequences if one won't own up. There should be consequences for being onlookers to a crime and doing nothing, in any case.

Yes to DD wearing trousers, escalating complaint to governors, police immediately etc. I assume you've already been dealing with the Head? The school leadership needs a radical shake up over the way they've handled this.

The technically are complicit in what is a crime.

They should be punished accordingly rather than the school going we can't work out which one did it.

They know. And are ok with it and think its ok to stick up for the boy rather than the girl in question.

Have they separated and had them all write their own witness statement.
I guess the boys are probably aware snitches get stitches and afraid to come forward. Maybe they could be promised anonymity?

I have yo say if I had a son was accused of a sexual assault which he had no part in and was perpetrated by one of a group he happened to be standing with , I would go nuclear.

Then perhaps its a good learning opportunity about 'joint enterprise' and the value of individual responsibility rather than cowardice and supporting a sex pest...

And your solution would be to shame the school at the expense of this girl OR would it be to give your son a crack around the head and tell him to spill on who DID actually do it and give him a right mouthful for not backing this poor girl up?

If he's refused to say who the perpetrator was he'd absolutely deserve to be punished.

Wow. Poor response on the part of the school.

My DD had a similar experience. Her school handled it brilliantly. Despite the fact the CCTV didn't cover it and the boys backed each other up so it was their word against my DD, no one was left in any doubt that my DD was believed. No punishment could be meted out because of lack of proof, but safeguarding processes allowed for measures to be put in place that sent a clear warning shot across the culprit's bow and a strong message to his lying accomplices that they would be tarred by association if not very careful. School also put more staff on stairs for a while too so that my DD did not have to alter her behaviour.

When this happened to my daughter at the same age, they did know who it was. They knew before she even identified him by his school picture.

His parents were brought in and we were offered a police investigation.

This should absolutely be happening! That'll get the boys talking!

Trousers to school. Complain to governors, threaten to go to police.

I have a son.

I'd go nuclear at him for watching a mate commit sexual assault and not reporting it.