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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

All girls school or mixed comp

62 replies

mesha123 · 15/01/2024 21:41

Hello,

My dd is in year 5.

I have always wanted to send her to a mixed comp. The main reason being she is an only child, no male cousins and all our friends have daughter's too. So I feel if I send her to an all girls she will hardly get any interaction with boys outside.

However I recently came across Everyone's invited website and have been reading a lot about the issues at schools like - class being dominated by boys, girls not choosing STEM, sexual abuse, drug problems at school, etc. All these make me think whether I should really be sending her mixed comp or better to try and send to an all girls instead.

Also at the same time I don't want her to go boy obsessed and uncomfortable around boys when she grows up.

Would really appreciate your thoughts...

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:

Pinkpinkplonk · 15/01/2024 22:09

My DDs went to all girls grammars, awful bitchy places, they couldn’t wait to leave. I moved both of them to a mixed comp for 6th form, they thrived.

DaffodilCharm · 15/01/2024 22:15

Keep an open mind, visit the schools and decide which you like best based on all their merits rather than just single/mixed. There are great mixed schools and awful, great single sex and awful.

My DD is at a lovely single sex school, not at all bitchy and she’s thriving. But I picked it for much more than just it being single sex. The boy mad thing really isn’t a problem, she’s gay anyway.

SingsongSu · 15/01/2024 22:21

My DD went to mixed comp. There were some awful bitchy cliquey girls in Y6 and this followed into secondary school unfortunately. Thank goodness for the boys in her friendship group. She would have struggled otherwise - she just found lots of the girls so full of drama and she’s always been quiet. The only school friends my DD has stayed in touch with since leaving school (8 yrs ago) are the group of boys from her friendship group and one girl. It’s a tricky time for them so a mixed comp gives more options for friendship I think.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/01/2024 22:21

All girls

nodogz · 15/01/2024 22:26

I think teenage girls benefit from an all girls eduction. Just visit to check the vibe.

ErrolTheDragon · 15/01/2024 22:27

Depends on the schools, depends on the girl.

Mine went to a girls' GS which was great, suited her down to the ground. It was excellent for STEM (but also the rest too not pushing them in any direction iyswim). She socialised with both sexes outside of school in various activities. She certainly was never 'boy obsessed and uncomfortable around boys'... I think girls who'd turn out like that would in a mixed school too.

SamPoodle123 · 16/01/2024 07:30

It depends on the dc and the school. DD went to mixed primary school. Boys were a distraction (they act out more in class). I also noticed that on the holders event for one mixed school we applied to (the boys stood out with their fooling around, sports etc....). DD loves her all girls school. We might consider mixed for Sixth form, as I am sure when older the boys will be missed, but atm she is super happy no boys. She has a brother close in age, so gets enough of the boys :)

TheaBrandt · 16/01/2024 07:38

Mine at all girls. Educationally think it’s better and allows the quieter girls like Dd1 to participate in class and thrive. Think you will get teen girl friendship issues wherever there are teen girls it’s a developmental stage sadly.

Glad they are more insulated from some of the grim sexual comments I had to deal with at my mixed comp and sadly think that’s actually got worse. Not perfect but on balance (dd1 year 13) it was the right choice.

TheaBrandt · 16/01/2024 07:40

Anecdotally the girls at mixed schools have boyfriends much much earlier which isn’t a plus in my eyes.

DeathMetalMum · 16/01/2024 07:46

You could encourage some extra curricular activies that are mixed sex such as scouts or sports that keep mixed sessions longer.

My experience with dd1so far in mixed sex comp is similar to pp's. She has a mixed group of friends. But overall, I'd say she is closer with some of the boys and there's no bitchy behaviour, like with some of the girls in her group of friends.

idontlikealdi · 16/01/2024 08:15

Dts go to an girls school, although it has a sister (brother?!) all boys school and they have mixed events, discos etc. its co-Ed in 6th form.

I went to a convent, never had any issues interacting with boys!

PettsWoodParadise · 16/01/2024 08:20

DD (also an only child) went to an all girls grammar, co-Ed in sixth form. It was a lovely supportive environment. Friend’s DD at a comp found it more bitchy as girls were trying to impress the boys. As others have said it depends on each school. DD loved the environment so much she chose and all girls college at Uni and is thriving. Sports, drama etc she mixes with boys.

mondaytosunday · 16/01/2024 09:08

It depends on so much. My dd went to mixed but in secondary said the boys were too disruptive and annoying. This improved a bit during GCSE as she was in the top set of most subjects and she said the boys were better behaved, but she asked to go to an all girls sixth form as she 'just wants to learn' and not put up with boys (she has a brother which she felt was enough).
Now I know people will say all girls (or any girls) can be bitchy etc but she thrived there and had no issues. Came out with three A stars so I guess she did indeed 'learn'.
So I wouldn't get so hung up about it in primary. But look at secondary options carefully and the personality and desires of your daughter then.

Potterinthegarden · 16/01/2024 09:28

I don't think single sex schools are healthy environments, I think the risk of mental health issues are much higher particularly in an all girls school. I am quite sure eating disorders are worse at all girls schools . I would never want to risk that. And in grammar girls schools you have the extra strain of all the academic pressure they give them too.

ErrolTheDragon · 16/01/2024 09:51

Some schools of either type are 'healthy environments', others aren't.
There was one private girls school in our area we'd heard those sorts of criticisms from, from a credible source. DDs school wasn't at all as you describe.
One child's 'academic pressure' is another's 'appropriately challenging learning environment'. I went to a mixed grammar turned comp where I was the only girl in my physics and chemistry sets and just one other in double maths .... it's astonishing to find that there's still a big imbalance in stem subjects (also comp sci) nowadays in mixed schools. But not in single sex ones! DDs school had 2 sets for gcse comp sci, a full set for electronics, lots doing further maths and physics. Maths and chemistry were the most taken subjects.

In a girls school, there's no nonsense ideas that some subjects are for boys or that the robotics club isn't for girls. They are never the 'second sex'!

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 16/01/2024 09:58

If she shows any kind of aptitude for maths send her to the single sex one. It never fails to amaze me in my female dominated work place how many of them check out at the first mention of any kind of calculation.

minisnowballs · 16/01/2024 10:13

Both my dds went to the local girls comp. Oldest is now in its mixed sixth form, younger (Y10) has moved as she wanted a specialist music school (so she now boards at a co-ed school quite far from home).

Both agree, having now seen the other side, that they benefitted hugely from single sex. It's the one thing DD2 says she'd change about her new school...

They are all very different of course, but do go and see with an open mind. Both my girls certainly still have male friends and can relate to boys, but they find that some boys take up too much 'space' in lessons and push them out, which is frustrating.

Comedycook · 16/01/2024 10:20

Hi op...my DD is in year 8...we had a choice of her either going to the mixed state school that her brother goes to or an all girls state school. We opted for the girls school. I am so pleased we did. Biggest issue for me was friendships...she'd been in a boy heavy primary school class and it was a disaster for her in terms of friendships. Being in a girls school means she has a much wider pool of girls to be friends with. Another issue that bothered me was porn culture and boys behaviour nowadays. I'll happily keep her away from that for as long as possible. Another thing is I feel She can just get on with her work. She remarked to me when she started secondary school that it's so much easier to concentrate without boys mucking around all the time. I think being in a girls school gives her more confidence to speak out and fulfil her potential.

mrssquidink · 16/01/2024 10:53

My DD is at an all girls comp school and enjoys it - my view (having gone to a mixed sex school myself) is that there are pros and cons to both and a lot depends on your child. But I’d agree the point about maths/STEM subjects, I feel an all girls school has been better for encouraging my daughter in these. I was the only girl in my GCSE physics class and one of only 2 in my A level chemistry class and I felt I stuck out because of it.

ErrolTheDragon · 16/01/2024 11:31

I was the only girl in my GCSE physics class and one of only 2 in my A level chemistry class and I felt I stuck out because of it.

For sure. I could survive it because I (and the other girl doing the double maths) consistently did better than all the boys. A girl who was merely quite good at these subjects would have found it pretty tough I think, no matter what their interests and aspirations.

saywh4tnow · 16/01/2024 12:56

Potterinthegarden · 16/01/2024 09:28

This isn't so true in my experience. My DD's single sex girls comprehensive school is nurturing and feels like a very positive and empowering place to learn as a young woman. Can't imagine these girls feeling awkward around boys in the future! There are no 'boy' subjects, the behaviour seems better in comparison to what my DD experienced in her mix primary and the school is less strict without boys.

I always wondered about the statement - there are more eating disorders in all girls schools - could that be because more girls are affected by eating disorders therefore in an all girls school you will find a greater proportion (because there are no boys?).

OP of course all schools will be different and you'll get a mix of experiences here like mine and pp. You should go and visit the single sex school you are considering, listen to what the head teacher says about how they teach the girls and compare that to what you see at the other potential schools.

Also crucially - what does your DD think? My DD was very on board with the all girls aspect for reasons listed above. Some of her friends less convinced.

HighRopes · 16/01/2024 12:57

I agree that it depends on the individual schools, but I have a bias in favour of single sex for girls from 11-16. The evidence seems to show better academic outcomes, it protects them from sexual harassment in school (I know, not all boys, and girls can also harass, but the figures on this are clear) and it gives them opportunities to find what they enjoy and are good at without anything being a ‘boys’ subject.

OP I’d ask a few questions about the mixed school. Things like how many girls do maths and physics at A level (as a percentage of the class)? How many sports teams are there for girls compared to boys, and how many matches do they each play? What is their policy on sexual harassment, and can they describe (anonymously) the last time they implemented it and the outcome? If you’re concerned about bullying / bitchiness in an all girls environment, you could ask the girls school how they deal with interpersonal bullying etc.

PreplexJ · 16/01/2024 13:11

OP Is your DD in girls school or mixed primary currently? Does she have any strong preference herself?

TheaBrandt · 16/01/2024 13:13

Terribly sexist of me but I chose single sex for my dds but if I had a son I think I would prefer mixed. According to Dd the boys from the boys state school are hopeless at interacting with girls and are more likely to follow Andrew Tate have weird views on girls etc than the boys from the mixed schools (state and private).

Batmanandrabbit · 16/01/2024 13:14

I would visit the schools and be guided by your daughter’s preferences and personality. I had always been cautious about single sex education until my daughter came to choosing her high school.

In our town, the girls high school is in a totally different league to the mixed schools. DD loved every second of it. She has thrived in STEM and is studying these subjects at A level, aiming to continue at uni. More importantly she was really happy there and had wonderful, kind friends.

Her school didn’t have a sixth form so she is now at a mixed college. She does sometimes get frustrated when SOME of the boys try to talk over the girls in her maths classes but she has an inbuilt confidence from her high school that stands her in good stead. She has also made another lovely group of friends.

At the moment she has no internet in boyfriends (or girlfriends) she’s busy with college, work and friends.

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