All girls school or mixed comp

[mesha123]

Hello,

My dd is in year 5.

I have always wanted to send her to a mixed comp. The main reason being she is an only child, no male cousins and all our friends have daughter's too. So I feel if I send her to an all girls she will hardly get any interaction with boys outside.

However I recently came across Everyone's invited website and have been reading a lot about the issues at schools like - class being dominated by boys, girls not choosing STEM, sexual abuse, drug problems at school, etc. All these make me think whether I should really be sending her mixed comp or better to try and send to an all girls instead.

Also at the same time I don't want her to go boy obsessed and uncomfortable around boys when she grows up.

Would really appreciate your thoughts...

Thanks for reading.

I moved from mixed Secondary to girls Sixth form... and suddenly my science and maths lessons were so calm and thoughtful rather than the boys dominating over girls.

My own DD is having a similar experience. Her maths/science set (top set) is two thirds boys and the girls feel side lined. She would jump at an opportunity for an all girls class.

My dd is at a girls school (Yr 9) and loves it. She has a lovely group of friends and she is doing really well. She stays out of the trouble (which I know is at all schools regardless of whether they're mixed or not).

I always thought she'd be good at a mixed school but in Year 6 she started to lose confidence and found that the boys in her class tried to dominate discussions and were a bit disruptive. Going to a girls school made her much more sure of her abilities.

I'm with those who say depends on the girl, depends on the school - a good mixed comp is better than a poor single-sex school. That aside, if all things are otherwise equal, if I had a daughter, I'd favour single sex for secondary.

I went to an all girls secondary. There were some mixed events (theatre productions, language exchanges.) Some 6th form classes were shared with the boys, but depending where you are, she might have to or want to change for 6th form anyway. We saw boys outside of school, at swimming club and various other activities. It doesn't have to be a totally single sex life just because lessons are. And even if it is, it's not all a bad thing till they're older.

I went to an all girls school and it severely impacted my confidence in later life . Both my daughters went to mixed schools and have thrived. It's personal choice but for me was not even a question.

Does this help…

Some stats from End Violence Against Women:

• 1/3 of 16-18 year old girls say they have experienced unwanted sexual touching at school
• 59% of young women aged 13-21 say they had faced some form of sexual harassment at school or college in the past year
• 600 rapes in schools were reported to police between 2012 and 2015 – an average of a rape every day of the school year.
• Nearly three-quarters (71%) of all 16-18 year olds say they hear terms like “slut” or “slag” used towards girls at school on a regular basis
• 24% 16-18-year-olds say that their teachers never said unwanted sexual touching, sharing of sexual pictures or sexual name calling are unacceptable

Bear in mind that the above statisitcs refelct only the abuse that is reported. Ie it is the tip of an iceberg.

With the rise of incel culture and Andrew Tateism across the UK I would not out a daughter into a mixed sex school if I had a single sex option available.

Better to grow up boy obsessed / shy around boys than to spend the teen years fending off insults and assaults.

Do you have any evidence for any of this? These sound like wild assumptions to me.

Every woman I know who went to a girls' school recommends it.

I wish I'd gone to one.

She is in mixed primary. I feel that she doesn't have any preference as such but is more like "want to go where my friends go"

Single sex for daughters
Mixed sex for son
Really depends on the school and the child though

@Leyenda

That sounds really scary and eye opening. Thanks for sharing this. Really helps a lot In making a choice.

Agree Cathy. I go to meetings etc at my dds all girls school and feel quite jealous- I would have thrived in an all girls school.

@HighRopes

I am not sure at the moment about how many girls vs boys are choosing these subjects but will find out. These are very good points to ask. Thanks. Do I have to wait until the open day to find this information or can they provide it over via email as such?

"want to go where my friends go"

Of all the factors, this one is probably least important, especially with a big comp.

Everyone I knew went to the same secondary school. Very few of us found ourselves in the same class as existing friends, few of those friendships survived unless there was some shared out of school activity anyway, so we all made new friends. I think that's pretty typical.

Both my girls went to a girls only school (14-18).

They are adults now but say they loved their school (they picked it!). There was no pressure to do “hair and make up” every morning (their female friends in mixed schools always did) and they both excelled in STEM classes.

At university they both had several professors comment that they could often tell the girls who had attended an all girls school as they were more apt to speak up and participate vigorously in class.

They didn’t have any issues interacting with boys as there were plenty of social
outlets.

@saywh4tnow I always wondered about the statement - there are more eating disorders in all girls schools - could that be because more girls are affected by eating disorders therefore in an all girls school you will find a greater proportion (because there are no boys?)

My friend went to an all girls school and said eating disorders were rife because the girls were so competitive and kept comparing themselves. It wasn't cool to eat lunch and if you weren't underweight then you were fat. She hated it.

Pretty sure studies show girls perform educationally better in a single sex environment, whereas boys do better in mixed (because girls are used to 'temper' their behaviour??).

Our experience so far is a couple of incidents in past few years of mixed primary where girls were held accountable for boys behaviour (which was shocking and the teathers/ head couldn't even see they were doing it until we walked them through the incidents until they could see it and then just dismissed it as thats what needed to happen to resolve the incidences!) and now in an all girls secondary (not planned but she got in so we went with it) and she has already commented on how much less disruption in lessons there is as no boys and we have seen how she is thriving academically and socially. We do make sure she has plenty of mixed activities outside of school though.

My kids are at all girls state schools. It's a really good environment. Everywhere has its difficulties, as does being any kind of human really, but overall they are being allowed to work their hardest and achieve their best without thinking about it too much. I'm sure all schools are different but that certainly wasn't my experience at a mixed comp.

When was this? I can imagine this was the case in the 1990s but I think body positivity is much more of a thing nowadays. Stick thin isn't so much in fashion.

Nowadays it’s trendy to be a healthy eater and to have a large bottom!

Depends on the school but I don’t know how many would answer emails like that. I’d have a look for data on their website, then ask at an open day (1:1, as you’re likely to get a more honest answer) with the relevant teachers and see what they say. Different schools do open days differently, but what you need is the chance for a quick chat with someone who teaches Maths (etc) so you can ask them the question and see what they say.

I would have liked DD1 to go to DD2's all girls' school but she did not pass the 11+. It was so much more relaxed all round, even on homework as a grammar, DD1 seemed to get much less and delivered in a much more organised way. DD2 has a boyfriend at 14- he's nice but it's a bit worrying, as a parent. Not a worry I had with DD1. There is a lot more bullying and social problems at DD2's school. DD1 got a lot more opportunities in STEM subjects and I don't think she'd have done DT GCSE and A-Level at a mixed school- they were mixed for A-Level and it was majority boys in her class, which she didn't mind by then, but she might have thought of it as a "boy's subject" for GCSEs when she was choosing at 14 had it not been all girls.

Most mixed state schools now are really draconian, massive, one size fits all institutions, which can wrongfoot even really well behaved kids. But it depends on the individual school.

Some of the comparisons aren't quite like for like, of course, because quite a lot of the available girls' schools are grammars rather than comps. Which have pros and cons themselves, again depending on the specific child and schools.

We left school in 2012

Lifetime ago to your average teen.

So much depends on the friends you have around you. My DD is at a mixed comp. Lovely group of friends, very happy, not boy mad, doing well. My niece however is at an all girls private school. Awful bitchiness going on, would be termed bullying at a state school. Another friend's daughter who left an all girls private school to go to mixed sixth form, and who is an only child, has messed up her first year by being obsessed with boys.l