Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Anyone get their child out of playing rugby? (head injury concern)

145 replies

BarqsHasBite · 15/10/2023 22:52

Just that really - am determined that when my son moves to secondary (we are hoping to send him to an independent school) that he does not play any contact rugby, or head the ball in football though that’s less of an issue as he can just not head when he’s playing.

Has anyone tried to get their child out of playing rugby for the same reason? I’m sure someone told me that some schools have it in the parental contract that the boys will play rugby and it’s a condition of accepting a place at the school 😱

If I get pushback am hoping to find a neurologist to advise against playing rugby - is the school really going to insist on going against medical advice?
But interested to know if anyone has any experience of this.

OP posts:
MidnightOnceMore · 16/10/2023 01:33

qbs · 15/10/2023 22:55

Does he have a medical reason or are you just overly protective?

It's not over protective to avoid brain damage!

MidnightOnceMore · 16/10/2023 01:38

BarqsHasBite · 15/10/2023 23:46

Thanks for this.

There aren’t really any other school options for us - there is the school in our town which we all loved, or two other possibilities which would involve a long coach ride (which our son would hate) and which also both play rugby.

My son would be quite happy to go and sit in the library and I don’t expect the school to do much in the way of providing alternatives for him, I just hope they respect our wishes.

Show quote history

Ask the school for their position.

It's increasingly common for parents to request no rugby or for schools to play tag rugby in lessons.

Our children simply never joined the rugby section of PE lessons, school didn't have any issue. If they could do no other sport at the same time (which is what usually happened) they helped the teacher.

mathanxiety · 16/10/2023 01:38

qbs · 15/10/2023 22:55

Does he have a medical reason or are you just overly protective?

Jesus wept.

My son played American football and was sidelined for over a week with a concussion he sustained in a tackle - while wearing a helmet. He had to recline on the couch all day every day until he got the all clear from the doctor, and could listen to one half hour of radio daily, no reading, no TV or screens, and could only do absolutely necessary walking and stair climbing.

It's gut-wrenching to see your boy look a doctornstraight in the eye and miss four numbers while counting to twenty, and two months when reciting the months of the year.

That was the end of football for him. He took up swimming instead.

letmesailletmesail · 16/10/2023 02:09

I think it's worth finding out what the school actually do rather than what their contract says. If they offer a range of sports each term and all of the pupils get a choice, then it shouldn't be an issue. If it is very much a rugby school and all of the boys do rugby one term, then it is more of an issue to manage.

Sandpitnotmoshpit · 16/10/2023 06:56

I think it depends how important rugby is at the school. I've worked in a couple of schools that played rugby. In one it was just part of the PE rotation and wouldn't have been an issue at all to sit out. In the other it was the main sport and was totally in the DNA of the school. It was a Boys school and I think they should have been teased if they didn't want to play. They was 10 years ago mind so things might have changed.

I would say as a teacher that sometimes parents want things from a school which run counter to what the school actually wants to offer - for example at the school I currently work at we have parents who moan a lot that the school doesn't do a lot of swimming. We don't have a swimming pool and there are other private schools in the area that do - I think you need to pick a school that offers what you actually want rather than one that doesn't and then try and alter it when you get there.

RudsyFarmer · 16/10/2023 07:00

Yep. My partner has all sorts of injuries caused by forced rugby. There’s no way I’d let my child play it.

CurlewKate · 16/10/2023 07:04

Aren't the rules about kids rugby changing to make it safer? And I'm sure heading has been stopped in football.

Nokoolaidherethanks · 16/10/2023 07:06

I'd talk to the school to find out their processes. Even if there's no choice in whi h sport to play, it may be like our school where they can choose tag rugby or contact. My son hates sports and violence so chooses tag.

Star81 · 16/10/2023 07:06

Our school get you to sign a form to state they can play contact. If not they just play touch. Ask the school their policy.

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 16/10/2023 07:07

All schools are different and the only way of knowing is to ask. He won't be qlone - there are always loads off injured during rugby season!

Even in a rugby school there will be non-sporty boys. They find each other.

However, it isn't as simple as he could just go to the library. We need to know where students (especially the younger ones) are and they need supervision.

SheilaFentiman · 16/10/2023 07:20

In my sons’ private school, they now delay the start of contact rugby. They also use the Return2Play service, where any head impact at all means you are off on concussion watch for 2 weeks and then a gradual return, with online interviews with a doctor at each step. The head injuries can be from school or other sports - my son has been signed off 3 times from
hockey injuries.

There are rugby, hockey and cricket terms in the early years. However, boys are free to only do rugby in games and not do evening training and weekend matches. I suspect matches are the riskiest.

Whether you could pull a boy out altogether, I don’t know. But they have got much more cautious.

GoldenSpangles · 16/10/2023 07:27

I went to a rough school in a rugby obsessed country. There were so many dreadful spinal injuries - and we lived in a city that had a spinal unit and you could hear the whir above as stricken rugby players were transported to the specialist spinal unit - that eventually my school could not field a rugby team. Parents, and I think the boys concerned, were not just not prepared to take the risk. I advise you to tell them that your son has only one kidney and that medical advice is that they should not participate in contact sports. I do have a friend in that position and her son has never been allowed to participate in rugby or martial arts for that reason.

Original poster
BarqsHasBite · 16/10/2023 07:38

I will ask the school what their policy is - I’ve hesitated to do so as I don’t want to be “that parent” before my son even gets a place!

But as above we unfortunately don’t have a wide selection of other schools to choose from - the others are really too far away to work for us any in any event play rugby too (and have a reputation for being big rugby schools, more so than the one in our town where rugby is also played.)

So if the school insist contact rugby is obligatory then I will find a private neurologist to advise against doing it. Even if the school ethos turns out to be that every boy does play contact rugby I am certain they would not insist against medical advice.

And sorry to hear of some of your own experiences with friends and relatives playing and being injured 😞 A friend of mine has very few childhood memories - he is an ex professional player and has been told the likely cause is multiple head injuries from playing.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 16/10/2023 07:42

Difficult. I see where you're coming from-but I don't think I'd like to be the boy "excused rugby" particularly in a private school.

Rocknrollstar · 16/10/2023 07:44

DS had more injuries playing soccer than rugby. If you do manage to withdraw him from rugby you are setting him up to being bullied.

Midnightkitty · 16/10/2023 07:50

I have one rugby loving ds, and one who hates even picking up a muddy ball. Both went to rugby playing state schools.

At DS2's school, he "played " for a half term. They then set the groups and he basically never played again. They played Frisbee instead.

They certainly didn't force a child to tackle etc. Talk to the school, see what their policy is.

Blabla81 · 16/10/2023 07:50

ShowOfHands · 15/10/2023 23:14

A young Dad in his 20s died locally this weekend. It was following a tackle during a rugby match.

I said to DH earlier that there's no way I'd ever let my DS play. DH, his Dad and siblings all played/still play. His dsis played for the country. She and bil have both had surgery following injuries. SIL's dp was knocked unconscious playing just a couple of weeks ago. I hate the sport.

I think you must live where I live - my BIL plays for the same club - it’s been a huge shock (although not the hugest shock as Rugby is such a dangerous sport). My sister now doesn’t want him playing in another up and coming match.

twistyizzy · 16/10/2023 07:51

@BarqsHasBite I understand your concerns but in private schools rugby is generally the priority sport during Michealmas term. Asking for him to be excused could possibly single him out. Private schools are often the pathway to professional rugby playing so they are generally full contact/tackling from Yr 7. DDs school there are other sport options 3 days a week but the other 3 days are rugby for boys and they are all expected to represent their school and take part in inter-school matches . I'm not saying it's right but that's the culture.
Definitely ask the scholl what their policy is and what alternatives he would have.

Setyoufree · 16/10/2023 07:52

Yes head injuries are a risk at professional level. Nothing like that at school level. My personal experience with a club rugby playing child who's been playing contact for several seasons now, is that there's never been so much as an ambulance called across all the kids age groups, let alone air ambulance. Also, rugby is a lot safer for kids now than it was a generation ago due to rule changes by the RFU.

Now, the football club over the road is a different matter by the way. Anecdotally, there's where all the broken legs and arms have come from in my children's classes.....

As others say, depends on the school. If it's an important sport to the school I think you'll make his life very hard. And there's been no discussion of all the benefits of rugby, of which there's many.

My concern actually would be, if they're teaching rugby they need to be teaching it properly. If it's a school that's really into it, they will be. If they dabble, I personally think that's where the risk is.

Lamelie · 16/10/2023 07:52

Calm down- as pp have said it’s more than likely it won’t be a problem. DS was at a top Rugby school and never played once- different Games steams.

PuttingDownRoots · 16/10/2023 07:55

A note for those who feel strongly...

Girls rugby in lessons is becoming more common. All my local schools play it. So you may want to check for your daughters as well.

Sandpitnotmoshpit · 16/10/2023 07:59

Yep, if he's not sporty it might be entirely avoidable after the first half term when they probably won't do contact anyway. He will have a choice. I would really ask what they actually do with them in rugby in the beginning of Year 7 before removing him as as PP have suggested, kids can be unpleasant about this sort of thing.

its like any sport really - at the school I currently work at the main sport is netball. They have trials at the beginning of the year where about 3/4 of the kids trial and get put in some sort of squad. The rest of them don't try out and during their games afternoon they do something other than netball. And during PE lessons they do a rotation of sports which doesn't include the main school sport anyway. I think you just need a chat with the head of PE/games about how it works.

Setyoufree · 16/10/2023 08:06

Great news, my daughter would be thrilled to do that rather than netball!

Setyoufree · 16/10/2023 08:08

That was re. Girls rugby at school btw

Laboheme78 · 16/10/2023 08:12

My son is at an independent secondary. I find it baffling that in this day and age it remains one of the key school sports. However from what I can see there is absolutely no pressure on the boys to play, other than from their peers. Some boys just “don’t play rugby” but I have to say that the “sporty” ones mostly do. I have given my son the choice to play, but have asked that he remains in the second team as the first team is made up of boys who play outside of school also whereas my son literally just plays in the autumn term, so I don’t think he has the same experience level even though he’s a sporty kid. I really wish the schools could just find something else tbh. It’s bizarre. It also really pisses me off that other parents seem so ambivalent about it.