Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Twins want to go to different secondary schools

64 replies

MoreTrafficChaos · 01/10/2023 15:28

My two both have different opinions and preferences on secondary schools.
DT1 - local school about 25 min walk (school A)
DT2 - school further away about 45 mins walking and bus (school B)
I must admit I am torn between the two schools so I don’t have a problem with the ones they have chosen as the ones they like. I was thinking that they would both end up with each other’s chosen school as 2nd preference anyways because of what I felt was appropriate. It’s also likely they would both then end up at A.
I was then going to let them choose their own 3rd preference because I can’t make my mind up and we are pretty much guaranteed school A. They both have different opinions on their chosen third preference as well. One likes school C and the other school D. However, to complicate things, DT2 wants B, D then A. I don’t know whether to just go with this knowing they will definitely end up in different schools or to put my foot down because “mother knows best” and put what I want down so they end up in the same school (even though I am 100% clueless and going on instinct…?)

OP posts:
BoohooWoohoo · 01/10/2023 15:30

As long as A is somewhere on the form then I would let them choose because you don't want to end up being allocated a school that is impossible to get to.

bevelino · 01/10/2023 15:30

I have 4 dds, including triplets, two went to the same school, the other two went to different schools, so three separate schools at the same time. However, we live in London and travel wasn’t a huge issue.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 01/10/2023 15:32

If they can get to the schools independently by walking or bus then I would let them put different schools. If they will need dropping off meaning two different school runs in the morning it’s reasonable to say they can’t choose different schools due to logistics.

TheresaOfAvila · 01/10/2023 15:33

As long as the logistics will be OK: e.g. do the schools have holidays at the same time or are they staggered.

Hellocatshome · 01/10/2023 15:33

My kids (not twins but at secondary for a number of years at the same time) went to different schools. They have different interests and personalities. Worked out fine as both were walkable or easy to get to on public transport.

PuttingDownRoots · 01/10/2023 15:35

I would make sure the twin wanting the further away school understands they may get allocated the nearer school where ever it is listed on the form.

NameChange30 · 01/10/2023 15:42

They can both get to A/B independently so I wouldn't have a problem with putting either of those as first/second choice. What about C and D, though?

Does DT1 want 1. A 2. B 3. C?
I would ageee to DT2 putting B first, but whether or not I agreed to them putting D as second choice would depend whether they could get there independently. If D was logistically difficult to get to I'd rule it out or say they could only put it as third choice (with A as second).

StillWantingADog · 01/10/2023 15:50

I’d rule out anywhere they would need lifts to get to for starters. If there is reliable transport to school b (and the cost is doable?) then I don’t think it’s unreasonable to put that first choice for the twin that wants to go there. Presumably the chances of getting into school b aren’t that high anyway?

if getting a place at school a i likely then I would explain to to the that wants to go to school b that you are putting school a as second choice. And then it won’t really matter what the further down preferences are.

a big factor in us choosing the local
school as first preference is that likelihood of friends etc being within walking distance. And not being reliant on an infrequent bus. Even if the twin going to school b can get there by bus have you thought about the practicalities of having friends and perhaps extra curricular stuff at or near school b? Is the bus regular or is it just a school bus going at school times only. Etc.

SuperSue77 · 01/10/2023 15:52

As they both have clear ideas on where they'd like to go I'd suggest putting their choices in order for their own preference, so different for each twin. They might both end up at the same school due to school being oversubscibed and them just getting the nearest to them with space, but at least you will have tried to take their view into consideration which I think is important to foster their engagement in their own education.
I have boy/girl twins who have just started at different secondary schools. My situation was different because my daughter wanted to go to the local all-girls school that is our closest and where all her friends were going and big sister is, so she was guaranteed to get in. My son has SEN and only view on school was that he didn't want to go to a big one (we ended up with no option 🙁 ) I've been asked why I didn't apply for the same co-ed school for both twins, but I didn't feel it was fair to my daughter to select a school for her based on where her brother might get a place. For primary I was keen to have my children in the same school, but for secondary I think it's often good to listen to their views and try and support them where feasible. Good luck!

StillWantingADog · 01/10/2023 15:53

ps I’m basically going for the path of least resistance and letting my son choose his first choice (though I think it’s fine). That said many other parents I know are putting their proverbial feet down and making choices on the kids behalf - seems quite normal round here that parents know best.

UsingChangeofName · 01/10/2023 15:54

I would not only allow, but positively encourage them with their choices. They are individual people.
At secondary, they get themselves to and from school. It isn't like you are having to be in 2 places at one time.

I mean, for ALL secondary school preference forms I would ALWAYS encourage people to include one school they are almost certain to get into, but as long as you do that, I would put the schools they want in the order they want.

Floralnomad · 01/10/2023 15:54

Assuming they don’t need you to drop off or pick up then I’d let them choose what they want

FawltyTower · 01/10/2023 15:58

Personally I wouldn't allow the dc to go to different schools unless there was an exceptional circumstance like one needing a specialist unit or something. 'Just' because of preference - no. As the adults, we decided which schools the dc went to.

It's about more than just the pure logistics of getting there and back. Double the dates for all school things. Two lots of collections and PTAs and parent evenings and all the rest. Different shops for uniform? Two sets of school rules and systems and all the rest. Not for me.

Original poster
MoreTrafficChaos · 01/10/2023 15:58

TheresaOfAvila · 01/10/2023 15:33

As long as the logistics will be OK: e.g. do the schools have holidays at the same time or are they staggered.

Holidays are the same. If there are any differences then it will be one day at the start or the end. All schools here are pretty much the same with the holidays.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoreTrafficChaos · 01/10/2023 16:04

DT1 wants A then B then C
DT1 wants B then D then A

We need to put A down and are guaranteed it so DT1 will almost definitely be going to A.

B is a bit of a long shot but it’s not unheard of to get a place. It will depend on birth rate and applications and all the usual stuff. I know there are a few around here who do go there. It would be a dedicated school bus, which we can afford, we have factored this in already otherwise we wouldn’t have looked at it, but no public transport for if there is anything outside of the school bus times.

D is possible to get to on public transport and we are probably 50/50 on getting a place.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoreTrafficChaos · 01/10/2023 16:11

I am of the opinion that if they are happy with the school they will be more engaged and get more out of it than being forced to go to a school because I made/forced them to.

I think I’m leaning towards putting my foot down on having A as 2nd preference at the very least. I like A and B and think they will provide the best for them. I’ve thought about this for them as a pair and also as individuals. C and D are fine, I just think A and B are better.

I need to think a bit more about A and B.
There may be something in it that I haven’t quite worked out that which means A suits DT1 better and B suits DT2 better.

Wondering at this point are there any other things, which haven’t been mentioned above, that people would think about?

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 01/10/2023 16:20

It's about more than just the pure logistics of getting there and back. Double the dates for all school things.

Like what ? There just aren't that many things that parents need to attend at secondary school

Two lots of collections
What do you mean ? Monetary collections, or do you mean picking them up from school ? I mean, I can't see why there would be any monetary collections, but if there were, then two pupils will mean two amounts, or, if you mean picking them up occasionally after a late practice or something, then the odds are they wouldn't both be at the same practice anyway.

and PTAs

Quite unusual for there to be particularly active PTAs at secondary - but even if there were, in the very unlikely event at both schools, then there is no compulsion to be part of it

and parent evenings

I would consider it MUCH easier to try to see one dc's teachers one night, and the other on a separate night (likely if at different schools) than trying to meet the impossible task of trying to get round both sets of dcs' teachers during one (usually very time limited) parents' evening. That would count as a reason for it being better to be a different schools, to me.

and all the rest. Different shops for uniform?

Round here, there is one shop that sells uniform for all the secondary schools. Others that sell generic stuff like grey trousers and white shirts, but you aren't exactly going out and buying blazers that often, even if you lived in a place where different schools meant you had to go to different shops.

Two sets of school rules and systems and all the rest

but that is for the pupils to be aware of / manage, not the pupils.

AFieldGuideToTrees · 01/10/2023 16:25

For twins I think it's important for them to develop their own lives away from their twin, so I'd be happy with their choices if they're able to get there themselves and if the schools are decent.

Not really fair to tell one their choice is fine but to make the other change.

slopsan · 01/10/2023 16:27

Check the term dates of the respective schools. I wouldn't want them to be going to schools that had different holiday dates as that may scupper family holidays

chutneypig · 01/10/2023 16:28

My twins are at separate secondary schools and it's worked fine for us. They do travel on the same school bus which is a little easier on the logistics. Generally we don't get clashes between the schools. They're linked schools in theory (single sex) but in practice there's no real connection.

Parents evenings etc are easier to arrange, we had several issues in primary when they were in the same class. The only clash I can think of was getting their GCSE results but we worked around that.

LimeCheesecake · 01/10/2023 16:31

I would tell them that they have to be prepare that you aren’t choosing a school, only a preference and it’s down to the council what you get. Then say they can pick which school you put as first choice but both need to realise it’s probably going to be A or B distance wise. I’d put the other as option 2.

stress there’s a good chance both will end up with A or both with B.

ConnieTucker · 01/10/2023 16:34

If you force your second choice it means dt1 gets first choice and dt2 gets third choice. That would have annoyed me.

Original poster
MoreTrafficChaos · 01/10/2023 16:44

ConnieTucker · 01/10/2023 16:34

If you force your second choice it means dt1 gets first choice and dt2 gets third choice. That would have annoyed me.

Good point well made - thank you.

Now I’m back to leaning towards letting them have their own preference order.

There is still a chance DT2 would get their 3rd (A) if we did this. But I can see how this is more fair.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 01/10/2023 16:48

I'd let them have their choices, unless A is much better than D in which case I'd put my foot down about the order of D and A.

I think they get free choice of all the good schools, but they don't get to choose a bad school over a good one.

JudgeRudy · 01/10/2023 16:54

I'm unsure why you would be bothered if they were at different schools. I'd definitely want to be at a different school to my twin simply so I'm not viewed as half a pair.
As long as there's no huge reason why their preferences wouldn't work I'd let them chose. Spell out the risks associated with chosing specific schools though so they make informed decisions.
BTW my granddaughter didn't get into her chosen schoolwith all her friends. Within a few days she had started to make new ones.

Swipe left for the next trending thread