Y7 first days not going well

[celebrityskin]

Hello,
Is anyone else having a less than ideal start to secondary?
DD has started in a class not knowing anyone, feeling a minority and not seeing potential new friends in her classmates. First day cried, cried this morning not wanting to go, then I was called to collect her early because she had belly ache. Promptly burst into tears when I collected her.

This is so hard- I know it's only day 2. She sees classes where there are 4 people from her primary and they are making new friends and are all jolly and it's not helping her.

Is anyone else going through similar? Or been through similar with older siblings?
It's heartbreaking. How long does it take for them to settle? At the headteachers talk they explicitly said they won't move classes to put people with their friends.

She's home to her lovely familiar dance class tonight which should lift her spirits.

How do I get her (&me?!) through this???

Please do speak to the school.

My middle child experienced the same distress and we had three years of school refusal.
The school pastoral team were very supportive, it was still near impossible to get him into class but they were supportive to both me and my son when the stress was overwhelming. They allowed him to have a quiet space within the school and take his time getting into class.

He is now in year 10 and finally gets out of the car and into the school without a fuss.

I hope it works out for you sooner rather than later, it is such a difficult situation to navigate.

Good luck

To any new parents whose year 7 is there eldest child, and is new to secondary schools please don't feel bad for contacting the school or being 'that' parent.

Secondary schools are set up differently to Primary schools, they have dedicated non-teaching staff whose entire job is to look after the pastoral needs of the children in their House/Community/ year group. Its these people who you build a relationship with and the earlier they know of any issues the sooner they can put plans in action. A form teacher is normally teaching staff and will check-in with your child but its the pastoral team who can put things in place or move form groups/timetables.

Obviously not all schools are structured the same way but the schools I've worked in and DD has attended have been structured like this.

Flag it via email to her form tutor. It is not uncommon and they normally have some tricks up. their sleeves.

DD was different, she enjoyed the fact that she had a clean slate to make new friends and we encouraged her to exchange phone numbers to chat after school. Being with old primary friends was the worst option for her.

Keep an eye on when clubs are announced and encourage her. But in the end, it's up to them, they have to be confident to approach others. It will get a bit easier when they learn about others in class.

I am biased because I run ours, but if she is at all interested find out if the school has a science club or STEM club.

Every year ours attracts the loveliest most accepting kids. Some are there because they love science, others I think go to a club every lunch time to avoid the hustle and bustle.

Some of the students who attend mine are those who have struggled to make friends in their classes and it is so lovely to see them in a space where everyone is just kind and inclusive.

It would also definitely be worth having a word with her form tutor. In the past I have had a quiet word with students who I know are lovely and encouraged them to take someone under their wing a bit. Or just made sure the student who is struggling a bit is sat next to someone nice.

I have a positive update about my son! I have been e-mailing his form tutor saying he needed more proactive support to help him find children to spend time with at break, she responded very supportively and said she will get Head of Year and SENCO involved. But I also posted about his struggles in a parent year 7 WA group and a few parents spoke to their children about him. At break today a boy introduced himself to DS and asked him to join him and his friends and then again at lunch! They’ve exchanged numbers and had a brief msg exchange this evening too.
My son came home so happy and positive this afternoon I could have cried! I thanked the mum of the boy and said how proud of him she must be to make the effort to help out another child, not even in his form. Even if the friendship does not progress much further, it has given him a boost going into the weekend believing he has “a friend”.
So my advice is try whatever you can to support your child, I know I took a risk that another child
might tease him because his mum intervened, but from the responses I got it really felt like a nice bunch of parents, some of whom also had children struggling. At this early stage they are accepting of a bit of parent intervention, I know this won’t last much longer. I hope those with children having a tough time find it easier soon and have a nice relaxing weekend.

That's lovely Supersue. Things are looking up.

good luck everyone for tomorrow morning.

Let's hope this week brings at least some joy to our new year 7s.

DS has his first drum lesson tomorrow which he's looking forward to.

How was everyones morning?

I had a reluctant son on the way to school but I distracted him by talking about an outside interest- then on the bus we saw a friend of the boy who had befriended him on Friday and he invited DS to sit next to him.

Haven’t managed to speak to him tonight (home late and he’s now on the phone to primary friends so I don’t want to disturb his fun) but his form tutor rang me just after 3pm to say he’d been upset in last lesson and wanted to go
home. And according to his Dad he cried all the way home from pick up. I know it’s still early days but it’s still heart breaking.

How about yours?

First week was better then expected, dd is autistic so I was really worried about the transition. She loved the novelty of the canteen selling slushies ! Not so good yesterday now that the real work starts. She had a major wobble and had to be met by the pastoral manager. I chose the school because the senco is supposedly amazing. I emailed the deputy senco manager last week about a number of items and have yet to receive a reply 🙄