Sixth form with no social life?

[christinarossetti19]

It's looking like DD will stay on at her school sixth form. She moved to this school at the beginning of Y10 after being managed out of her previous school and doesn't feel ready to make another transition. She's still quite traumatised and affected by this experience, but refuses to even think about counselling or anything like that.

That's fine and probably the right decision for her, after the whole of Y11 agonising about sixth form.

But although she has friends in school, she never sees them out of school. Variety of reasons (their religious and cultural backgrounds being one of them).

This would all be fine except for the fact that she spends so much time on her phone, looking at other girls her age either on SM or TikTok wishing her life was different. She no longer has any hobbies outside of school, says no to pretty much any suggestion and is really self-conscious eg always thinks other people are talking about her.

She has this idea that she's going to go to university in a couple of years, make lots of friends, have a great social life and everything will be great. It's almost like an escapist fantasy for her.

She has a place at another selective sixth form which has an intake that would be more conducive to a social life and she was initially really keen to go to, but is too scared to go somewhere new (see above re: trauma about moving schools).

Not sure what I'm asking really. Anyone else's DC gone or going to a sixth form where there won't be a social life and with no other social life going on outside of school?

<Sigh> dd had now decided that she made the wrong decision to stay at her sixth form (it's 'boring', friendship issues, no extra-curricular or very little). She's contacted the school that she enrolled at a couple of weeks ago then informed that she would be staying at her current school to see if they still have places, and has also put feelers out with friends who have gone to a large, local sixth form which she wouldn't even to go the Open Evening for last year, to see if there are any of the girls from her old school that she wants to avoid there.

It feels like groundhog day. This time last year I couldn't work out who she was trying to avoid (other than absolutely everyone she'd ever met it felt like) and I still can't.

We've chatted quite a lot today. I've said that we'll support her in whatever decision she makes, but we can't make the decision for her. I said that I felt like my being involved with her sixth form applications last year wasn't helpful, which she agreed, so I said that I'll back off, although there is something about making a decision then getting behind it to make it work that is important, rather than spending time dwelling on 'what ifs?'

I've also been very clear that I'm not the best person to speak with about this. Her form tutor or teachers will know much more than me about it and it might be useful to get some other adults' take. She thinks this is a ridiculous idea though, which is a shame because I think articulating her thoughts and reasons to someone neutral and exploring them would be a really useful process for her.

Oh @christinarossetti19 another twist… but maybe a positive one. She is clearly thinking very carefully about it all. And I can see how hard it is for you to be coaching someone at what was a really hard life stage for you. At the risk of sounding like a management wanker… could you work through a decision making template with her? (Google it, there are loads) - she will feel supported but not managed, ie you are giving her the tools to do it herself. And it’s less emotional and a bit of a crutch for you to ‘hide behind’ a spreadsheet.

Thanks CrapBucket. The problem with anything like that is that her decision-making hasn't been rational and logical, it's been a trauma driven.

Just a few days before she got her GCSE results, she was saying that she was going to give this other sixth form a go, knowing that she could return to her school if it didn't work out. It made perfect sense.

She got as far as going in to enrol, but panicked when it came to it. Just two weeks ago she was flipping out that she thought English Lit wasn't going to run at her school, but she couldn't possibly change schools so didn't know what she was going to do etc.

I feel calmer than then, tbh, although I really wish she'd talk this through with someone else. Unfortunately, no kindly grandma or auntie on the scene and she thought my suggestion that she talk to one of her teachers was a crazy idea.