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Secondary education

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Original poster

Pupil calling teacher love

57 replies

Fuctifin0 · 02/04/2023 16:02

Year 11 girl refers to female teacher as love. Not a one off, drops it frequently in conversation with her. ie. Hi love, how are you? Are you having a good day?

It just doesn't sit right with me but does it need reporting to DSL? Or do I need to get over myself?

OP posts:
redskylight · 02/04/2023 16:12

So this might be my daughter ... she calls everyone "love" ... I think it's a "thing" among some girls of that age.

I'd politely suggest that it's not an appropriate way to speak to a teacher; not sure it needs reporting.

(I'm assuming here that there is no suggestion that the girl actually loves the teacher, it's just being used as an informal greeting.)

Waydown · 02/04/2023 16:16

What would you report it as, a low level concern about the teacher?

I'd expect the teacher to correct her each and every time TBH, just becuase it'spoor behaviour. I doubt it's a safeguarding issue, but if something feels off to you, yes you should discuss it with DSL.

DedicatedFollowerOfFashion84 · 02/04/2023 16:59

Report it? On what basis? It’s a turn of phrase. An unsuitable one to address a teacher with but hardly worth reporting.

JamSandle · 02/04/2023 17:00

Why would you report something so lovely?

Original poster
Fuctifin0 · 02/04/2023 17:06

@JamSandle I don't think it is lovely for a pupil to call a teacher love.
I think it shows a lack of boundaries in the teacher to not say to the kid that it isn't appropriate.

OP posts:
CwmYoy · 02/04/2023 17:09

Maybe remove the broomstick from your backside and loosen up. Not your business anyway.

readbooksdrinktea · 02/04/2023 17:12

I'd expect the teacher to correct her each and every time TBH, just becuase it's poor behaviour.

Agree with this. It's not appropriate in my opinion. But I wouldn't report. It's up to the teacher to deal with.

tortoise2022 · 02/04/2023 17:13

If a student called me love, I'd see it as a lack of respect, depending on the tone. Even if there is no condescending tone, it's not appropriate and I'd be having words. I don't see this as a safeguarding issue, it's just a turn of phrase that can be seen as disrespectful.

Waydown · 02/04/2023 17:13

CwmYoy · 02/04/2023 17:09

Maybe remove the broomstick from your backside and loosen up. Not your business anyway.

Yes it is, if OP works in school. Lack of boundaries needs to be reported. It doesn't really sound like that's what this is, but that's why "low level concerns" have to be reported and recorded, so that any patterns or regular inappropriate behaviour can be spotted. My head would want to know to offer teacher "professional advice".

It's not optional, it's part of your actual job if you work in school.

THisbackwithavengeance · 02/04/2023 17:14

I'm in Yorkshire where everyone says "love" myself included. But I find it a bit weird and patronising when people who are a lot younger than me call me "love". There's a certain etiquette to it and definitely a time and a place.

And a pupil saying it to a teacher? Just no. It's inappropriate and disrespectful.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 02/04/2023 17:15

It's not appropriate at all.

ReadersD1gest · 02/04/2023 17:15

JamSandle · 02/04/2023 17:00

Why would you report something so lovely?

Lovely? 😂. It's an inappropriate way to address a teacher, not lovely.

Nimbostratus100 · 02/04/2023 17:16

it is disrespectful, and the student needs pulling up on it, but it isn't a safeguarding matter every time a student is disrespectful to a teacher, that would mean spending all day every day filling in safeguarding forms....

Pieceofpurplesky · 02/04/2023 17:17

As a one off slip like 'mum' it's OK
and laughed off. Repeatedly it's a bit weird - does the teacher call the person 'love' or by a nickname?

2023issucky · 02/04/2023 17:22

I would find that weird as a teacher. And inappropriate and as a DSL that would be a low level concern. Likely nothing in it but does suggest boundaries aren't there.

Fairislefandango · 02/04/2023 17:25

Definitely not appropriate. I'm not one to stand on ceremony, and I don't maintain the very high levels of formailty towards students which some teachers do, but I absolutely would not be happy with this!

Sandwidged · 02/04/2023 17:27

if I was the teacher involved I’d find it strange, too familiar but also daft. It is not a safeguarding issue, the teacher has done nothing wrong but the student might need reminding about appropriate things to call staff.

polka62 · 02/04/2023 17:29

I think it depends on the intention? Is it harmless?
Are there any cultural barriers?

I am not a teacher nor do I work with children so no exact experience. What I do have experience of though is working in a professional and as time goes by more and more senior role. I have been called all sorts from "girl" to "pet" to "babe" or indeed "love". Generally not by other professionals. Anecdotally, I have noticed it from cleaners when they come to empty my bin /clean around my floor space I'll ask if I need to move "you're alright love" or thank them for emptying the bin "thats ok pet". I could bet my male counterparts don't get this. I also look young. I don't actually mind it because its harmless and the intention is obviously not malicious.

I find it more patronising coming from another professional. Should also say I have noticed terms like this more from East Asian colleagues, a cultural thing?

ginghamstarfish · 02/04/2023 17:30

I don't object to ther term, as a northerner it's pretty common, but not at all appropriate between pupil and teacher!

Kanaloa · 02/04/2023 17:31

If the teacher had a problem with it she would presumably say ‘please don’t say x, call me y.’ If she doesn’t have a problem then I don’t see it as an issue, especially not a safeguarding issue. I mean she’s in sixth form, isn’t she? Where usually teachers are addressed by first name. It’s not uncommon to hear teachers call students similar or something like ‘mate’ or whatever. I think you’re making it a problem where is sort of isn’t?

Kanaloa · 02/04/2023 17:33

And (although I can see how it could be seen as a bit inappropriate socially) unless there’s other information relevant I wouldn’t say it’s disrespectful. It might be a misguided attempt at friendliness, and when students are moving to sixth form there is definitely a shift in formality where students might misstep as they adjust. As I said, it’s the teacher finds it an issue it’s surely one that is very easy to deal with by just speaking to the student.

Cherrysherbet · 02/04/2023 17:35

My 12 year old dd calls me ‘love’ sometimes. It’s usually when she’s messing around or being cheeky! It’s just a joke.
I would be mortified if she called her teacher ‘love’ though. She would definitely know they was inappropriate. A definite lack of boundaries there.

I really think many teachers have decided to ‘pick their battles’. From what my dd tells me about the bad behaviour and back chat that the teachers have to put up with, calling them ‘love’ would be mild!

Tellmethespoiler · 02/04/2023 17:39

It’s inappropriate. I’d have a word with the girl.

RegainingTheWill2023 · 02/04/2023 17:42

If the teacher had a problem with it she would presumably say ‘please don’t say x, call me y.’ If she doesn’t have a problem then I don’t see it as an issue, especially not a safeguarding issue
I'd say it was an indication that the teacher wasn't implementing appropriate boundaries. It could be important to know why.

ReadersD1gest · 02/04/2023 17:43

RegainingTheWill2023 · 02/04/2023 17:42

If the teacher had a problem with it she would presumably say ‘please don’t say x, call me y.’ If she doesn’t have a problem then I don’t see it as an issue, especially not a safeguarding issue
I'd say it was an indication that the teacher wasn't implementing appropriate boundaries. It could be important to know why.

Very good point.