Page 2 | Pupil calling teacher love

Fuctifin0 · 2023-04-02T15:02:13+00:00

Year 11 girl refers to female teacher as love. Not a one off, drops it frequently in conversation with her. ie. Hi love, how are you? Are you having a good day? It just doesn't sit right with me but does it need reporting to DSL? Or do I need to get over myself?

Iamnotthe1 · 02/04/2023 17:46

It may just be a model of communication she's mimicking. At a primary level, I see teachers do this all the time towards pupils (love, lovely, little 'un, duck, pet, etc.) but we are northern and it tends to be more common here. I haven't ever seen it pupil to teacher though but I could see how it could happen at a younger age. Y11 is a little unusual though.

Original poster

Fuctifin0 · 02/04/2023 17:47

Not 6th form.

Don't have a broomstick up my arse, there is just something off about it.
I have been know to call a kid love at times but I'd be a bit 😳 if they called me love.
The kids call each other love and there are a lot of love you between them.

First time in 15 years I have heard a kid call a teacher love 🤷🏻 and it just doesn't sit right that the child isn't corrected by the teacher.

We are told any concerns to pass to the safeguarding team. That way, it is no longer our problem and they will deal (or not) as they deem appropriate.
Maybe I am just a bit old fashioned 🙈

OP posts:

Kanaloa · 02/04/2023 17:49

If it’s a safeguarding concern to you then will you be thinking of it both ways? I mean you’ve said you have been known to do it, but if you find it to be a safeguarding concern it might be better if you suggest a ban altogether to draw clearer boundaries.

SeasonFinale · 02/04/2023 17:54

It is used a lot nowadays by youngsters and not in the northern you alright love kind of manner. It is still a term of endearment with no sexual connotation and I would laugh if someone reported this to me.

Nimbostratus100 · 02/04/2023 17:54

Fuctifin0 · 02/04/2023 17:47

Not 6th form.

Don't have a broomstick up my arse, there is just something off about it.
I have been know to call a kid love at times but I'd be a bit 😳 if they called me love.
The kids call each other love and there are a lot of love you between them.

First time in 15 years I have heard a kid call a teacher love 🤷🏻 and it just doesn't sit right that the child isn't corrected by the teacher.

We are told any concerns to pass to the safeguarding team. That way, it is no longer our problem and they will deal (or not) as they deem appropriate.
Maybe I am just a bit old fashioned 🙈

why dont you speak to the teacher about your concerns?

Waydown · 02/04/2023 17:55

Kanaloa · 02/04/2023 17:31

If the teacher had a problem with it she would presumably say ‘please don’t say x, call me y.’ If she doesn’t have a problem then I don’t see it as an issue, especially not a safeguarding issue. I mean she’s in sixth form, isn’t she? Where usually teachers are addressed by first name. It’s not uncommon to hear teachers call students similar or something like ‘mate’ or whatever. I think you’re making it a problem where is sort of isn’t?

It's the fact that teacher apparently doesn't have a problem with it that may be a problem. What other boundaries aren't being kept?

Kanaloa · 02/04/2023 17:58

Waydown · 02/04/2023 17:55

It's the fact that teacher apparently doesn't have a problem with it that may be a problem. What other boundaries aren't being kept?

Show quote history

Who knows - I mean the op herself thinks it’s acceptable to address the children with the same word rather than their first name so it strikes me that it’s very likely just a misstep or a learned behaviour/student trying to imitate the adults around to seem more ‘grown up.’ If op is very concerned that it is a safeguarding issue she should of course bring it up, but I think in the same breath she must consider her own conduct since that’s where the students are seeing it first.

FlawlessSquid · 02/04/2023 18:11

Fuctifin0 · 02/04/2023 17:47

Not 6th form.

Don't have a broomstick up my arse, there is just something off about it.
I have been know to call a kid love at times but I'd be a bit 😳 if they called me love.
The kids call each other love and there are a lot of love you between them.

First time in 15 years I have heard a kid call a teacher love 🤷🏻 and it just doesn't sit right that the child isn't corrected by the teacher.

We are told any concerns to pass to the safeguarding team. That way, it is no longer our problem and they will deal (or not) as they deem appropriate.
Maybe I am just a bit old fashioned 🙈

Trust your instinct. Better sorry than late.

Original poster

Fuctifin0 · 02/04/2023 18:12

The difference being, on the odd occasion I have used love, it has been at times of upset, not just a "hi love, how's your day going love" and on one occasion I didn't actually know his name 😬. He was a snivelling wreck, trying to get his name out of him was the last thing on my mind.
I actually gave him a sideway hug too 😂, I did go to the deputy head though and told her I'd crossed a line but he was distraught. She thanked me for telling her and said she understood.

OP posts:

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 02/04/2023 18:13

Fuctifin0 · 02/04/2023 17:47

Not 6th form.

Don't have a broomstick up my arse, there is just something off about it.
I have been know to call a kid love at times but I'd be a bit 😳 if they called me love.
The kids call each other love and there are a lot of love you between them.

First time in 15 years I have heard a kid call a teacher love 🤷🏻 and it just doesn't sit right that the child isn't corrected by the teacher.

We are told any concerns to pass to the safeguarding team. That way, it is no longer our problem and they will deal (or not) as they deem appropriate.
Maybe I am just a bit old fashioned 🙈

Have you raised your concerns with the teacher at all?

What does she say about the situation?

Poppinjay · 02/04/2023 18:15

It's the fact that teacher apparently doesn't have a problem with it that maybe a problem. What other boundaries aren't being kept?

This is exactly what low-level concerns are for. Send a report and leave it to the DSL to deal with.

Original poster

Fuctifin0 · 02/04/2023 18:17

@JustAnotherManicNameChange I have raised concerns about other things but this happened on Friday and I was a bit gob smacked. I wanted to sleep on it.
Sleeping on it didn't clarify anything, hence my post.

OP posts:

herlightmaterials · 02/04/2023 18:24

No I don't think you need to do anything about this. Possibly a bit of respect for the teacher and their judgement wouldn't go amiss. Unless you have something else that concerns you. What is your role? TA? While there can't be too much safeguarding and I don't want to silence you, you are a bit out of line if this is all you have. There may be additional needs that mean the pupil isn't aware this is inappropriate and teacher is considering how to gently push back without knocking back. You don't know. I'd feel very judged and micromanaged if you were in my classroom.

surreygirl1987 · 02/04/2023 18:37

It's not appropriate at all.

Eh? Of course it is!! And if the teacher hasn't corrected the student, that's odd and a bit concerning!

Original poster

Fuctifin0 · 02/04/2023 19:00

@herlightmaterials not a TA no.
A degree educated person who has taught in FE and held positions in schools for 15 years.

No special needs. I have known this student for 5 years, the teacher has known them for 7 months.
A teacher doesn't deserve respect just for being a teacher 🤷🏻. The kids have no respect for her, so I'm not sure why I should respect her.

Other concerns have been passed up to SLT via head of department and the teacher has been spoken to.

OP posts:

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 02/04/2023 19:23

Fuctifin0 · 02/04/2023 18:17

@JustAnotherManicNameChange I have raised concerns about other things but this happened on Friday and I was a bit gob smacked. I wanted to sleep on it.
Sleeping on it didn't clarify anything, hence my post.

I'll be honest, it doesn't sound appropriate to me.

Is she really young or the "I'm my pupils best mate and I'm so incredibly cool type"?

Or not very confident at establishing good relationships while also maintaining boundaries?

Either way, she needs some support/a reminder of behaviour policy and behaviour management.

I think, as a first port of call I'd talk to her and depending on what she says and her reaction decide if to take it further.

ReadersD1gest · 02/04/2023 19:25

SeasonFinale · 02/04/2023 17:54

It is used a lot nowadays by youngsters and not in the northern you alright love kind of manner. It is still a term of endearment with no sexual connotation and I would laugh if someone reported this to me.

Why would a student use a term of endearment to address their teacher? It's inappropriate, however you try to spin it.
Would you be ok with the boys greeting her with an "Alright, Darlin"?

Waydown · 02/04/2023 19:33

I don't think anyone dismissing the idea of reporting this has any experience of current safeguarding guidance. This is exactly the kind of thing that should be reported as a low level concern. Probably there's no need for concern, there certainly won't be any big drama as a result of this one report, but it will be recorded to be part of the full picture if there are future concerns about this teacher and boundaries. Most of them will never be thought of again but it's to prevent those situations we've all read about where people always "knew" Mr X was dodgy but no one did anything.

Low level concerns recorded in my school in the last few weeks include inappropriate use of language with students, vaping with and/or in view of students and allowing a student to use a staff computer login.

Prescottdanni123 · 02/04/2023 19:49

I work as a teaching assistant in a secondary school. Some of the olders kids do this, as a way of being cheeky. I normally respond with a "I'm sorry, what did you just call me?" On the occasions where they are brave enough to repeat it instead of blushing and a stammering "Oh...er....umm...nothing miss," I say something along the lines of "I'm a TA, not your 'love'. Talk to me with some respect please,".

Original poster

Fuctifin0 · 02/04/2023 19:59

@JustAnotherManicNameChange she's the type who wants to be best mates with them, being in her 40's, I'd have thought she was old enough to know better 🤷🏻

I shall have a chat with one of the safeguarding team I think and see if they want it to be made official.

OP posts:

herlightmaterials · 02/04/2023 20:27

The kids have no respect for her, so I'm not sure why I should respect her.

What did I just read? You take your cue from schoolchildren and disrespect if they do?

You sound an unpleasant character who has it in for her.

Go ahead and carry out a smear campaign. If this is all you have, I suspect your unprofessional attitude to another professional will reflect poorly on you.

Waydown · 02/04/2023 20:45

Oh dear. So this is all about a teacher you dislike...?

Tellmethespoiler · 02/04/2023 20:50

You sound very unprofessional and rather unpleasant.

Original poster

Fuctifin0 · 02/04/2023 22:07

@herlightmaterials @Waydown @Tellmethespoiler
No, nothing to do with disliking her.
I actually like her a lot.

I do struggle with her lack of boundaries and professionalism though.

I tend to look at things as if it was my children involved. What would I want for them and how would I want them to treat and be treated by teachers.

If I didn't like her, it would be easy to wade into her. In this case the opposite is true.

OP posts:

HollyGolightly4 · 02/04/2023 22:15

I would pass on concerns. It could be part of a bigger picture. It's a bit strange.

A child once called me darling...never made that mistake again! And I have some lads who tag 'man' on to everything, but a well intoned 'sorry, did you just call me man??!! Instead of Mrs Golightly goes a long way.

I wouldn't dream of consistently not challenging something.