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Secondary education

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Original poster

Inappropriate teacher

57 replies

Dougalwougal · 31/03/2023 21:10

I really need some honest feedback please
my 15 ye old daughter has been suffering abuse from boys recently with one calling a whore during class this wee.
I complained and then found the next day one of her teachers who found out she had ended a relationship with her boyfriend called her a floozy.
my daughter is now upset that people are calling her a slut that she thinks she is doing something to deserve it.
I reported it to the school but they do not seem interested o think it’s a problem that a teacher would say that to her.
what should I do?

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MelloYellow · 31/03/2023 21:11

It’s really inappropriate language and I would complain again and then to the governors

lpaisn · 31/03/2023 21:13

A teacher called your daughter a floozy and the school don't see anything wrong with that?

Original poster
Dougalwougal · 31/03/2023 21:20

Hi
No and the boy who called a whore on Wednesday told the teacher it was because she goes from boy to boy and the teacher who phoned me to assure me it was unnaceptable and, then told my daughter the boy did not mean it, which makes me as a single dad feel so powerless to protect her when they clearly don’t see that language as damaging for a young girl. My daughter is actually really shy and has never had a real boyfriend but is now worried she is doing to deserve the comments.
last night she kept saying… dad do you think I’m a slut because if they are all saying that, I must be!

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monsteramunch · 31/03/2023 21:27

Appalling from the school.

I would absolutely escalate this, your daughter needs you to advocate for her.

Original poster
Dougalwougal · 31/03/2023 21:34

Thank you so much I was starting to feel bad for raising it but I really want her to be able to go school and not have to face continued harassment just because the boys think they can say what they want and they somehow are the ones that get the sympathy. I was told today…. The boy did not mean to say whore!
The scary thing is these boys are going to be men in less than three years. What really upset me was that the same male teacher kept asking her about who she was dating and then called her that word, like they were judging her.

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Knockmealdowns · 31/03/2023 21:40

Can she move schools? It’s a big world out there.. she could simply move on… and leave their crap behind…

Original poster
Dougalwougal · 31/03/2023 21:47

Thanks for your message
I am seriously thinking about it but with her going into year 11 next year I really don’t want to unsettle her more than she is and feel they are the problem. I know you’re right but I would feel that she is being punished and they would just say the same things to another girl

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monsteramunch · 31/03/2023 21:51

They probably will say it to another girl, which is awful, but your priority has to be your daughter.

Removing her from an environment where she's being called a whore by her peers (I could cry writing that, your poor DD it must be horrific) and essentially labelled the same in less graphic terms by her teacher isn't a punishment, it's a gift.

Terrifying as you say that those boys are nearly men.

lpaisn · 31/03/2023 21:51

Dougalwougal · 31/03/2023 21:34

Thank you so much I was starting to feel bad for raising it but I really want her to be able to go school and not have to face continued harassment just because the boys think they can say what they want and they somehow are the ones that get the sympathy. I was told today…. The boy did not mean to say whore!
The scary thing is these boys are going to be men in less than three years. What really upset me was that the same male teacher kept asking her about who she was dating and then called her that word, like they were judging her.

The teacher quizzed a pupil about who they were dating?

This is all really odd and definitely shouldn't have happened, if it did.

Original poster
Dougalwougal · 31/03/2023 22:01

I
my daughter had never heard of the word before and I don’t know anyone her age that uses the word. With how it affected her afterwards…. I believe her

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Nimbostratus100 · 31/03/2023 22:04

The teacher is totally out of order, and you need to make a formal complaint - dont move her if you can avoid it, it is too close to GCSEs.

Make a formal complaint of sexist behaviour - this has to be recorded and reported by the school.

Original poster
Dougalwougal · 31/03/2023 22:12

Ah, thank you that is how I’m feeling at the moment. She told me he had said something to her a few weeks ago about a boy in the class which embarrassed her and I thought it was just a remark but now I’m starting to rethink quite a few comments he’s made now I see them in a different context.

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lpeez · 31/03/2023 23:28

Make an official complaint against the teacher.

I am a teacher myself and this is completely unacceptable behaviour by the teacher

LottieBuzz · 01/04/2023 00:05

100% make a formal complaint to the Head teacher, and if your not happy take it to the governors. Still not happy, say you will contact Ofsted.

I work in a school and find that completely unacceptable.

Original poster
Dougalwougal · 01/04/2023 07:50

Thanks
I have decided to write the complaint. In the form it asks for what I view as a resolution to this.
it’s weird because I want to do the right thing and make my daughter feel that if these things are said that it is wrong and that it should be investigated and more importantly to me that she does not feel these are normal or acceptable things to say.
On the other hand, as I write it I am already feeling guilty that if the teacher admits it, it may then cause my daughter problems at school from how the teachers then perceive/ treat her. We also do not want to get someone into trouble and this really could not have been a worse time as it will be in our minds over the Easter holidays
if he denies it it will be my daughters word against him and not sure how we will take it as a family with my daughter being called a liar on top of what she has been subjected to and how that will impact on her.

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Nimbostratus100 · 01/04/2023 07:54

I suggest you ask for immediate updated teacher training as a resolution, amongst anything else you want to ask for - thats reasonable - maybe for the whole staff, on how to deal with misogyny from boys as well

SleekMamma · 01/04/2023 07:56

Do the complaint. The teacher needs a bollocking on what he cannot and should not say to female pupils.

QueenofLouisiana · 01/04/2023 08:03

The teacher called her a floozy? Just checking I read that correctly.

Please put in a complaint, citing inappropriate sexual language, the lack of appropriate boundaries and the misuse of the imbalance of power between them.

Then start on the misogyny, the toxic masculinity and the culture of the school where this is accepted. OFSTED were very interested in a local grammar school where these were significant issues.

Remind the school of their duty to keep your daughter safe, ask how they are applying their policies. If you feel they can’t/ won’t the academy trust/ LA would be your next call. (Or OFSTED)

Namechange224422 · 01/04/2023 08:17

That’s awful and I think that you’re doing the right thing complaining

If you’re feeling worried about someone getting in trouble can you focus the outcomes on additional training? And an apology to your daughter?

surreygirl1987 · 01/04/2023 08:30

Wait - the teacher called her a Floozy??

I'm a teacher and I'm appalled by what I've read. I rarely say to complain about a teacher but in this case, definitely do! Your daughter is been treated appallingly. God, I thought we'd made more progress than this. How depressing.

Original poster
Dougalwougal · 01/04/2023 08:32

Thanks so much that is very helpful

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Original poster
Dougalwougal · 01/04/2023 08:46

When she told me it was in the car. I had to pick her up rather than her getting the bus as she had refused that day, because the boy that had called a whore the day before, used the same bus so as she felt really uncomfortable I agreed to collect her. As she got in the car, as usual she was updating me about her day as we normally do and the shocking thing was she explained how this happened and just said it as though it was a completely normal thing to say.
I was in shock and complete disbelief particularly as what had been said by the boy the day before.
I think it was only when she saw the look of shock on my face and I later checked the definition and read it out to her that she understood what he had said. The line in the sand for me is that both the boy and the teacher did not just say the words to a point you could argue it came from nowhere, they were both from the narrative that she as the boy said , ‘goes from boy to boy’ and the teacher after finding out she had finished with her boyfriend and may be going out with someone, the said it.
In reality my daughter has never actually had a boyfriend. For a lot of young girls just to message a boy they sometimes say he is a boyfriend. She is a brilliant lovely person who I am super proud of. And is finding her way.

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custardbear · 01/04/2023 09:00

I'd be making an official complaint and I'd want to speak to the head to see what they'll be doing. I'd also tell the school to arrange personal tuition at home for your daughter whilst the short their shit out. That's dreadful behaviour!

SleekMamma · 01/04/2023 09:10

Those comments were normal in the 1980s 1990s. There were wrong then and they are still wrong now. At least there are rules now on what is acceptable for teachers to say. Follow the previous poster advice on how to run the complaint.

Your daughter is lucky to have you as her dad.

Original poster
Dougalwougal · 01/04/2023 09:19

Hi
Thanks for your message.
unfortunately his has happened before, but only comments from boys. I went through an informal process before but the slt responder suggested it was boys being boys and they needed educating. He would tell me the school took it really seriously but then never really tell me how the child had been disciplined just that he had and that was the end of it. After my daughter was air dropped porn ( about 18 months ago when she was 13 on the bus I finally had enough and raised my complaint at that time to the head teacher.
He just defended his staff and made me feel like it was not really an issue, which is why I don’t really have faith that the head will deal with this any differently.
I think the school view me as an annoyance and I have almost got to the point that like the girls I have accepted that this is going to happen and that it will continue to happen but the teacher saying it has made me question everything like; why has it always been a male teacher dealing with the complaints and talking to the boys, why have male teachers for the past year been reprimanding my daughter over her skirt being too short…… I know schools have a uniform policy but it is a full length knee skirt, why is that even an issue, I even bought it from the official school shop …and she wears tights.

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