Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Inappropriate teacher

57 replies

Dougalwougal · 31/03/2023 21:10

I really need some honest feedback please
my 15 ye old daughter has been suffering abuse from boys recently with one calling a whore during class this wee.
I complained and then found the next day one of her teachers who found out she had ended a relationship with her boyfriend called her a floozy.
my daughter is now upset that people are calling her a slut that she thinks she is doing something to deserve it.
I reported it to the school but they do not seem interested o think it’s a problem that a teacher would say that to her.
what should I do?

OP posts:
ImaniMumsnet · 01/04/2023 10:10

Hi OP,

We're sorry this is happening to your DD - and we hope it is all resolved soon.
Just a quick note to say we have moved your thread to a board that's more appropriate for the topic.

Hopefully this helps.

WayDownInTheHole · 01/04/2023 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Stomacharmeleon · 01/04/2023 22:32

It's open season on here at the mo...

Dougalwougal · 02/04/2023 08:13

To clarify, this is the first time I have ever posted on here, came for genuine reasons to help me decide the best way forward after having a tough time and changing my mind on how best to help her not actually thinking I would get any response’s and the positive comments also helped my daughter who had started to thing she was in the wrong, when she is not.
As soon as the post was moved to comprehensive; the tone of responses has clearly shifted perhaps you do not think I or my daughter or genuine or that a teacher could actually say this. The girls in the school are being called names like this in the playground, in the bus, in the class rooms.I think you should put yourself in their shoes for just one day and perhaps you would be more supportive.

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 02/04/2023 08:35

Dougalwougal · 02/04/2023 08:13

To clarify, this is the first time I have ever posted on here, came for genuine reasons to help me decide the best way forward after having a tough time and changing my mind on how best to help her not actually thinking I would get any response’s and the positive comments also helped my daughter who had started to thing she was in the wrong, when she is not.
As soon as the post was moved to comprehensive; the tone of responses has clearly shifted perhaps you do not think I or my daughter or genuine or that a teacher could actually say this. The girls in the school are being called names like this in the playground, in the bus, in the class rooms.I think you should put yourself in their shoes for just one day and perhaps you would be more supportive.

OP, most people who respond to you are going to be genuine, caring, people, distressed at how your daughter had been treated.

There are some unpleasant people on Mumsnet, who are here just to be aggressive and insulting, they have a problem not you, they might pick on any thread at all, just let your eyes skim over their posts and dont let them bother you.

Sad inadequates.

prh47bridge · 02/04/2023 10:17

Definitely time for an official complaint. This isn't even vaguely acceptable.

Agree with @Nimbostratus100 that you should ignore any posters trying to have a go at you.

Dougalwougal · 02/04/2023 11:38

Thanks for your kind words both

OP posts:
clary · 02/04/2023 11:48

Op this is really appalling. I was formerly a teacher in a school and this would have been totally unacceptable. If the floozy comment is part of a pattern of behaviour by the (male) teacher then that is even worse.

'Boys will be boys' is such nonsense and when it is used to excuse unpleasant behaviour it makes me so angry. Your poor DD. she is lucky to have you advocating for her. I hope you are able to achieve a resolution.

WRT to moving schools, I agree this is not a good time in terms of her education, but it may be worth considering. Maybe see what resolution you gain and then ask your DD if she would wish to move. Bear in mind that this may impact her GCSEs in terms of subjects and numbers; but that is less important than her wellbeing.

Dougalwougal · 02/04/2023 13:33

Thanks Clary
very much appreciated.
I am really wanting to keep her at the school so close to the exams next year, and fully agree with your comments.
That said, she was starting to feel confident in her own skin in regards gaining confidence and the clothes she wears and she has always felt a little self conscious for how she thinks she looks largely associated with her perception on her weight which we have worked hard on. It’s all the comments that have built in her head that she now thinks she must be behaving inappropriately, which is why I have decided to step in.
All the positive comments have made me feel a lot less alone on this 😊

OP posts:
IDontWantToBeAPie · 02/04/2023 13:59

Yes that's gross. I remember my drama teacher having me in for a chat for being 'loose with my emotions' aged 15. I really needed help at the time but they didn't care.

I've never forgotten.

Dougalwougal · 02/04/2023 14:14

I am so sorry to hear that.
I felt completely on my own on Friday with this and you have shown me just how long comments like that, stay with the person.
I think if DD fully understood what the teacher had said,she might not have told me and I may never have known😔

OP posts:
Dougalwougal · 21/04/2023 17:12

Hi
so have had a meeting this afternoon with the Head teacher to give me an update on the investigation and he told me the teacher denied saying it and the school are not taking any further action.
There was a witness who was brave and spoke to the Head to say she heard what the teacher said and the head has spoken to her and said she said she heard nothing.
so basically I am sat here with a pretty distraught daughter who now feels everyone thinks she is a liar and her friends have had the trauma of being brought into it all for the school to deny it.
I feel awful and really frustrated 😞

OP posts:
Blizzard23 · 21/04/2023 17:30

Bloody hell.
Its shocking to read.
You are being calmer than I would be.
A formal complaint as a bare minimum. I would be escalating to the board of governors because this level of abuse could be entrenched and part of the culture of the school.

I would give them the summer term to produce a plan as to how they will tackle the hate language and misogyny, how they deal with the teacher and line up another school for the autumn just in case. Your dd needs to know this isn’t normal or acceptable and you are 100% on her side.

Blizzard23 · 21/04/2023 17:33

Dougalwougal · 21/04/2023 17:12

Hi
so have had a meeting this afternoon with the Head teacher to give me an update on the investigation and he told me the teacher denied saying it and the school are not taking any further action.
There was a witness who was brave and spoke to the Head to say she heard what the teacher said and the head has spoken to her and said she said she heard nothing.
so basically I am sat here with a pretty distraught daughter who now feels everyone thinks she is a liar and her friends have had the trauma of being brought into it all for the school to deny it.
I feel awful and really frustrated 😞

They have closed ranks. I think I would be moving her after your update. Now you can see why the school have a severe problem - if their attitude is one to immediately cover up and bury situations like this. You can’t fix this.

Escalate to the board of governors without delay. I am truly sorry this has happened to you.

Dougalwougal · 21/04/2023 20:54

my daughter has just spoke to her friend who was generally bemused and said… I told him the teacher said that and her friends words were… he is lying to protect the teacher.
This is becoming a nightmare from a routine complaint to what is starting to look like a cover up while throwing my daughter under the bus by calling her a liar😣

OP posts:
May09Bump · 22/04/2023 19:47

Formal email complaint to the Headteacher, the board of governors, Ofsted, council, etc and find another school immediately. It's bad enough these comments have been made and the porn drop, if anything further happens - would this also be covered up. I would also find out if teachers have a board for complaints, like DR's and report that teacher and the Headteacher them. Home school in the interim. I'm very sorry your Daughter - it's to model you don't let them get away with it and find a new school where she experiences respect and equality. Maybe a therapist to help chat through her feelings and another person to support her and tell her this is not her fault / should not happen.
She needs to do her exams in a safe environment.

Dougalwougal · 23/04/2023 16:07

Thanks for your message.. I’m looking into a complaint to the board for how it has been handled but the Head will be updating them with his ‘version’ so not confident but will keep trying!

OP posts:
SammyScrounge · 01/12/2023 02:41

Dougalwougal · 31/03/2023 21:10

I really need some honest feedback please
my 15 ye old daughter has been suffering abuse from boys recently with one calling a whore during class this wee.
I complained and then found the next day one of her teachers who found out she had ended a relationship with her boyfriend called her a floozy.
my daughter is now upset that people are calling her a slut that she thinks she is doing something to deserve it.
I reported it to the school but they do not seem interested o think it’s a problem that a teacher would say that to her.
what should I do?

I am a little puzzled by the tale of different male teachers reprimanding her for her skirt length over a year. That implies that there really is something wrong with her skirt. Why would they pull her up if her skirt is a decent length?
Are you sure that she doesn't turn her skirt up once she 's out of your sight? Could the teacher have said she makes herself look like a floozie in that skirt with the intention of shocking her into noticing her own appearance?

Dougalwougal · 12/01/2024 19:20

Sammy scrounge .... What?
Let me clarify...my daughter gets her skirt for her age from the allocated kit provider for the school. The teacher called her a floozy after she told him she had broken up with her boyfriend..after he asked and saw her walk in to his class with someone new.....asking if that was her new partner to which he Followed up with calling her a floozy. For the records, my daughter did absolutely nothing to deserve this!

OP posts:
stomachameleon · 12/01/2024 19:47

@Dougalwougal how are things now? Any more incidents?

FloofCloud · 13/01/2024 17:10

Gosh I remember this thread - I really hope your daughter got some proper support from the school @Dougalwougal - bloody disgusting behaviour from the school and the boys

PSEnny · 13/01/2024 17:16

Follow the complaints route and also read the school’s safeguarding and anti-bullying policy or their equality policy. They are legally bound to have a policy on the use of sexist language (or discriminatory language). Read this and quote it at the them in your complaint.
This should be taken very seriously by them and it is appalling that it hasn’t been.
I would also ask what their PHSE programme teaches about sexism / misogyny etc

Dougalwougal · 13/01/2024 23:22

Hi
Thanks everyone for your comments. Yes there has been a lot of updates as I did follow the process right to the end, it's kate tonight so will send the update tomorrow x

OP posts:
Dougalwougal · 14/01/2024 09:20

Update;
The whole process was quite draining for me and DD.
Firstly I made the complaint to the head teacher who just kept the party line and at the complaint update meeting said the teacher could not recall calling my daughter a floozy, but worse he said the girl witness who had heard and been there had told him she had not heard the floozy word until afterwards when my daughter told her; effectively calling my daughter A liar! So I then made the complaint to the Governor but by the time the head Governor reported to us, it was a week before the end of the summer term so nearly 4 months after the teacher had called my daughter a floozy. We recorded the meeting and for the first 27 mins she defended the school, kept saying we want you to know that we are not saying we do not believe you ( to my daughter), but the teacher does not recall saying it..and then briefly the mask slipped and she said at the end that the teacher had said it. When I raised this with her and questioned why the school had repeatedly said he did not recall saying it and actually the head teacher even saying my daughter never seemed to be upset when she was talking to the teacher; the Governor ignored my requests and I have not hear back from her.
So lastly I then raised it to Ofsted , and the LEA investigated it and told me the school had done nothing wrong. So I complained to the manager to say a lot of my questions had not been answered. He then took control and in October I received a letter from him. In it he said he believed the teacher had called my daughter a floozy and gave his reasons, and in regards the school saying the witness has not heard what My daughter had, they re-interviewed her and she had heard it and said she gave the same account initially. In the letter he said the school said there was a misunderstanding by the head teacher when he initially interviewed her ' and the school regretted this', although he could find no evidence that there had been a cover up.
The school never responded to that and have never apologised to me or my daughter. I thought long and hard in the summer holidays while this was still going on as at that point I really wanted to move her school, but as she would be going into year 11 and GCSEs, I thought it might harm her GCSEs so regretfully now, I kept her there.
In September, the bullying started again, but she was adamant that she did not want it reported as she felt they again would not believe her. This was really traumatic for me to watch and I again blamed myself
In November she was pulled out of a class by a male teacher with a boy. The teacher asked the boy which school bus he got and then told him to go back to the class. He then told me daughter that he wanted the names if all those vaping and drinking alcohol on the bus. My daughter felt pressured so gave the names, but as soon as she got back into the class the boy had told the others it was something to do with the bus. When those who were doing it got into trouble they started calling my daughter a grass and were bullying her on the bus. I immediately contacted the school and said it was unacceptable that they selected her and pulled her out of a class. The teacher then came back with his version, again denying my daughter's account and said she had willingly came to him and gave him the names
At that point I thought we are never going to be told the truth, and was hoping we could make it to the end of the summer term 2024 and then move her for her A levels.
Then in early December last year the bullying had got out of control and she was being hit and pushed and being called names like homeless gypsy.
I told DD she had to report it but she refused, so I called the school and asked to speak to a female teacher. She was horrified and when I explained how bullying had been dealt with previously she said she would deal with it and it would be dealt with sensitively this time.
....I believed her!
So I persuaded DD to talk to her. At that meeting which was three days before the Xmas break there were two female teachers. Apparently one started to have tears in her eyes when DD was telling her what she had been suffering.
Ans then on her way home DD called me in tears to say her friends who had been in another class that afternoon told her a make teacher ( who turned out to be the same male teacher who had previously pulled her out of class about the vaping), had walked in to the class and sent the boys out and actually name my daughter as the girl being bullied( after promises it was going to be dealt with sensitively), which DD said was completely humiliating and led to more bullying. I immediately complained and asked for someone else to investigate it due to the lies we had been told in the past. Within 2 hrs I was told the teacher had not called her name without asking for the evidence we had which suggested our version was true. This led to the teacher investigating send me two attacking and personal emails that night and one being sent at 00.30 ( on the last day of school before Xmas). He basically put the blame on me and said if the school was this bad why I had kept my daughter there, and effectively said I was not setting a good example to my child.

i contacted The safeguarding lead for the County on the last day and by this time was crying down the phone with how frustrated I was with everything and how My DD was still being bullied. I sent the emails sent from the teacher and he did say they 'were not ok' and the teacher after his first email when I had asked he must init contact me again, then emailed me in the middle of the night to attack me again , was unprofessional.
This was on my mind for the whole Xmas break. I did respond to the school to say it was unacceptable.
I initially put in a complaint but wrote to Ofsted to say due to the stress and impact on my mental health and knowing what the schools response would be after last time, I have walked away from all communications with the school.

OP posts:
Namechange224422 · 14/01/2024 09:46

I am so sorry- that sounds really traumatic for you and for your daughter.