SW London Private and Grammar - applying for Year 7 in 2023 (part VII)

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I would say definitely need a phone ( your old one is fine) and totally ok for you to monitor it and check messages etc.
I can (almost) guarantee that there will be several WhatsApp chats set up in the first few weeks of y7- at least one with most of the school year on it. It will be full of inane comments and 1000s of emojis and will have 100s of posts a day. Some will post inappropriate things, emails will be received from school alerting parents to the chats etc etc. Then people will start leaving the chat and it will all calm down!

And that is why I didn’t allow WhatsApp at the start of Y7. There’s always some type of trouble really early on.

With my older DD it was possible to wait until she was 13 (so legally allowed WhatsApp) but a few years on it turned out that no one else texted and younger dd was missing out on catching the tube with friends because it was all done via WhatsApp. So we let her have it but with the new privacy controls around not being added to groups automatically etc engaged.

I have learnt a lot about social manoeuvring via WhatsApp statuses in the last few months!

Definitely important to monitor WhatsApp!
I went to a tech evening at DDs school and there were 6th formers on a panel saying what they had learnt etc. They had all had WhatsApp chat issues early on but said it was useful to make (minor) mistakes when younger as it made them more informed and sensible when older.

I really wish I hadn't given WhatsApp to my daughter at the start of year 7 (I gave it to her as I assumed this would be the easiest way for me to communicate with her and I didn't foresee the explosion of group chats). she doesn't use her phone very much at all, but nevertheless WhatsApp is such a time waster in my mind as the number of group chats grows by the day, the number of people on some of the chats is simply outrageous and I remember with one, she hadn't looked at her messages for a couple of hours and then there had been 999+ new messages on one chat! (mostly ridiculous emojis or abbreviations but at times also a lot of swear words and I wasn't expecting that kind of language amongst the cohort).

She finds the chats distracting and she has archived loads of them, but at the same time seems to be quite drawn into the WhatsApp statuses and replying to all of those every day. myself I don't really understand the WhatsApp statuses but it seems to be a lot of 'commenting' or replying to them... plus updating your own status on a daily basis. I think they also disappear if im not mistaken (haven't found out exactly how it works) but there must be some form of disappearance going on as the statuses are quite hard to monitor.
Showing my age here!
I guess my son will be getting a phone too when he starts year 7 although I would love to delay it for as long as possible. He is going to LU and im very happy that LU has the 'Yonder pouch' policy - just wish more schools would do this. My daughter has a girl sitting next to her in class who is on snapchat the entire time during lessons, teachers don't seem to notice as the phone is concealed behind the open laptop... so invisible from a teachers point of view. Although in my mind I would expect a teacher to be able to tell from the facial expression of the child whether they are focusing on work or just 'absorbed into their phone' but they don't seem to notice...

@ViolettasAria what is a yonder pouch policy? At G&L they have to put the phones in their lockers during school time the first few years. I think it is the last two years they are allowed the phones in the common area during break times.

Yikes, I do not want my dd on all these silly group chats. She was already talking about wanting a phone to be on the year 6 leavers group chat.

All schools say that the phones must go in lockers but in reality that doesn’t happen. It’s down to the child if they want to police themselves and turn it off when they enter school, want to leave it in their locker, want to keep it in their bag, want to keep it in their pocket or want to have it open in lessons! It’s simply not monitored, I know this from my own daughters school plus talking to loads of other mums in pretty much every school on this chat.

if or when something goes wrong or there is an issue then they become a bit more enforcing with the phones but even then is temporary.
the yonder pouch is a magnetically sealed pouch for the phone (something like the magnetic tags on clothes in shops)- in order to be allowed into the gates in Latymer in the morning you have to seal the yonder pouch on the magnet and when you leave in the afternoon you unseal it. Your phone is sealed in during the day and you can’t take it out.

I asked the headmaster on the tour if this policy will change with the new headmistress coming and he said that it’s here to stay. Fingers crossed, I think it the best policy I have seen as the rest is just a bit of lip service unfortunately. It’s down to the child to do the right thing and not allow themselves to be distracted by it during the day, but I understand that it’s tempting to pull your phone out if everyone else seems to be doing it…

Any LEH moms here? I wonder how strict are they about using phones in school? And do the year 7 students use laptop or IPads?

Can anyone with DDs in SPGS provide insight about what the phone policy is there, is there anything like Yondr pouch policy there. I will need to give my DD a phone for sure and I am worried about usage during school hours.
Also what type of controls can be put on whatsapp to limit usage?

DS is going to LU and I'm very happy with the yonder pouch. He has become obsessed with the idea of a phone for a few years now and I'm dreading having to give him one in year 7. He will be travelling alone so there is no option unfortunately. His older sister is on her phone quite a lot but is very studious, doing well and has never had an issues with group chats. There are many of them though and of course snap chat!

@ViolettasAria I like that idea! Yea, it seems hard to monitor otherwise and knowing my kids.....not sure if they would actually keep their phones in the locker the entire time. Well, at the start my dd probably would, but if no one else does, then she would probably keep her phone with her. I thought we just would not give her a phone, but after reading the posts and having a think, I realize she will need a phone when in secondary. I just hope she will leave it in her locker or that they are strict with rules at G&L.

While on the phone topic, it’s also a good way of keeping on eye on them as they travel, especially if they are doing this independently. We got the life 360 app. As they get older they can take themselves off. My oldest DC is in university now, he just doesn’t have it switched on.
Only thing is they can see what you are doing too ( so depends on whether you’ve got any secrets 😜).
But good because we can tell when they arrive school in the morning and they come back on the school coach, we pick them up from the coach stop. Means also we can track the journey if coach is running late, for example. They can see how far away we are if either myself or hubby running late to pick them.

Re phones - at daughter's GDST school (though I think this is applicable to most around here from what her friends say) she has to put her phone in her phone locker, which is separate to her regular one. They don't always check them every day, but they do check them randomly, sometimes twice a day, sometimes every day for a week. There is no pattern. Penalties are harsh - detention, losing phone and escalating the more they break the phone rule.

From Y10 I think, they can keep their phones with them but off and can use at lunch, but the main reason is building them up to self regulate in 6th form when there are no rules per se.

WhatsApp is pretty dead for my DD these days, everything is Snap. I think she only uses WhatsApp for me and her siblings, Granny etc.

@Workhar they are strict on phone use at school. They have to be locked in the lockers, not allowed to have them out at all during the day. All the pupils have an iPad, you pay for this but it is ordered through school and school have their own App Store where they can download the necessary apps for different subjects etc... If they need to contact you during the day for something, they can email you from their school email address

No pouch policy. Younger years aren’t meant to use them in school (8.30-4.00) - they should stay in bags. My dd does that, but there are some DC who have TikTok, full internet access etc enabled on their phones and do use them during the school day. The school laptop is well locked down (they do it by age range) and has very sensible net nanny controls which you can change to some extent if you wish.

Older years have gradually more freedom. It seems to work well for my older dd - she uses her phone to listen to background music through a headphone, if the teacher allows it in class during quiet working, for instance. If you want, you can see the whole policy - spgs.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Mobile-phone.pdf

In terms of controls on WhatsApp, you can limit the times it works (so it won’t ping all night) and also google how to set the privacy settings for maximum privacy. Unfortunately your dd could change them, there’s no way to stop her doing so. I agree WhatsApp is not the app that most teens use, but I think the privacy, security and safeguarding concerns around things like Snapchat and TikTok are significant and haven’t allowed those yet. It’s an ongoing conversation.

@Workhar they are also strict on iPad use at school. You can't use them at lunchtimes in the classroom, you need to go the supervised common room to use it

My DS got his first phone a week ago as we are trialling him walking to/from school on his own a few times a week now.

He will be starting at LU in September and I am so happy they have the pouches to keep the phones away (and that they are here to stay, too).

Are there any other apps like Net Nanny you have used and can recommend? He is a sensible child but you never know once the hormones take over 🤓

@Toolongawait24 there is no such phone policy at SPGS. Girls are just required to be sensible about their phones and how to use it.

Someone above mentions school laptaps. Do kids get laptops from school? I know they will get ipads, but do they also get laptops from the school? As, we plan to buy her a laptop, but do not want to buy one if we need to also buy one through the school?

Each school has its own policy on both whether they give tablets / laptops or expect them to be purchased (in which case they advise on requirements), as well as which operating systems and platforms they use and also guidance on compatibility with other devices.
If G&L does not that information online (in our case WHS does) best is to speak with them before going down the route of buying something that might not be needed / not compatible.

G&l just give iPads. No laptops. LU give chromebooks. WHS suggest which devices to buy. (Microsoft windows ones).

Many thanks. I will double check with G&L before we buy a laptop to make sure we don't need a particular one first.

Thanks @confu5ed very helpful :)

G&L use google classroom so can use any laptop. My elder dd uses a mac with no problem.

also phones are in lockers during the day and most girls follow the rules. They will remove them from the girls if they are caught using during the day.

we also have her leave her phone downstairs from return home to when she’s finished her homework although admittedly that started this year (year 9) when homework has ramped up.

and no devices at the dinner table (that applies to us all).

younger DD joining older sister in sept, so will maybe meet those of you on the pe day or induction evening…

So what are the different schools doing in the way of induction sessions? LU have an induction evening in June for parents and children. In September they meet their form for lunch and on the first day of the term they go to an activity centre.

@Daydreamscometrue end of May G&L has an afternoon at the school and June something with the parents and children. In September it seems they have a bonding activity at the start. Also, on the website it says the year 8's are buddied up with year 7s and they write them a letter over summer. Interested to hear what other schools do. An exciting time for the dc! My dd is looking forward to it all.