Downe House unconditional offer

[Cranberrybabymum]

DD received an unconditional offer but the letter mentioned that she could defer it till 13 should she wish to. Is this common? We had our heart set on Wycombe Abbey but unfortunately she wasn’t offered a place and she would like to try again at 13+ even though she will then have to do exams on all the subjects etc plus a much smaller intake. DD isn’t strong in sports but she enjoys swimming and lacrosse. She is in the bottom of upper-quartile at her current school hence the school suggested her trying for WA. I personally wasn’t overly impressed with Downe but DD loved it. We are looking for a boarding school for her. DD is academically capable and is quite musical as she plays two instruments. Any advice? Should we accept the offer now and try WA again at 13? Any other schools to consider?

11+ is the main entry point for WA. There are significantly fewer places at 13+ so competition is even stiffer. IMO (and I say this very gently), I would acknowledge at this point that WA is just not the right school for your DD as opposed to pinning your hopes on a second chance. WA know the type of girl who would thrive there.

You would also probably find that in two years time your daughter is settled where she is and actually doesn’t want to move, or have all the stress of prepping for yet another set of exams. It’s a lot of pressure to put on her. Where would she go in the meantime too? Is she at a prep she can stay until 13 or would she need to move and then move again?

An unconditional offer from DH is amazing. If she joined in Y7 then she would get the term in France in Y8. Deferring to 13 means she would miss this.

I think the main problem though is that you don’t actually like DH? It’s a huge investment for a product you are not happy with.

Downe House have a term away in France in an amazing chateau! That alone would be enough to swing it for me but then I love France :)

Good luck whatever you choose.

What about DH did you not like? If she likes lacrosse, swimming, music and is clever, than it seems like the perfect place if you want full boarding. Their lacrosse and music provision is incredible.

Did you actually just call someone a dimwit? How rude

@bestbefore no, not objectively a dimwit, but the OP may want to consider her child's attainment relative to those around her. The bottom of the top quartile at a presumably non-selective school will likely mean she's significantly below average at WA - so a relative dimwit, not an objective one. That's if she even gets in at 13 which so far she's failed to do.

If this sounds rude or harsh to the OP then that's a good thing as it will give her a taster of the subliminal (and overt) messages that her daughter will be on the receiving end of for 5 years.

Confidence is so important for teenagers.

St Mary's Ascot?
Marlborough?
Benenden?

I would gently suggest that WA is not the school for your DD. They know who thrives in that environment and TBH it is extremely academic

@Lilgamesh2 staggering. I'm glad my kids are in the state sector so they won't get labelled like that.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4659365-whats-the-girls-equivalent-of-eton-why

You might find this thread useful for suggestions

@bestbefore this sort of labelling isn't reserved for the private sector. This is a very academic private school the pp is talking about. The same kind of atmosphere exists in many grammars and non selective state schools.

Wow..private schools and their selections really proves the idea of 'Send us your winners and we'll make winners out of them'! Then they clap themselves on the back and they soar in league tables, parents are impressed and then...they send them their winners. Very clever really..

The OP sounds like she has chosen the private boarding route for her DD - it's their choice.

Just read that WA is the No. 1 ranked boarding school in the country for A Level results, it's extremely academic and highly selective. This environment will obviously not be ideal for everyone.

@mikado1 Same with grammar schools. Send us your winners (who have very involved parents) and we will get the best results in the area.
It is the good comps that fascinate me. How they get their top children those high attaining grades whilst they are around children who don't want to learn. The best teachers I suppose.

@barnbaby The good comps are normally in wealthy areas with lots of parental involvement. Not every wealthy child is clever and lots don't get a space in a grammar or a indie that's worth paying for.
I do find it amazing when a non selective in a poor area does really well though.
@mikado1 I don't see the problem with catering to people's abilities. WA does not hide the fact it is a school for very clever girls. They also need to be very quick and excel in other areas. Its not an easy environment and they know that. Their entry assessments are much more holistic than grammars. Lots of smart kids fail in schools where they're not pushed and are allowed to get bored. Just because a child is smart, doesn't guarantee success.
Downe House is also an academic school, the OPs daughter isn't dim if she's got a place there. It's not easy and they get incredible results too.

@Nevermindthesquirrels why are you amazed poor kids do well at school?

DH is a terrific school. If your daughter loves it and they’ve given her an unconditional offer then they are a great match for each other.

Yup. WA (and presumably others) will also do their best to make sure any child that isn't excelling there will leave the school before it comes to the exams so their results in the league tables aren't impacted. It's called being "asked to leave" when the child hasn't done anything worthy of expulsion but the Head will take the parents to one side to explain that the child isn't quite good enough and that it's better for everyone if they voluntarily withdraw, despite passing the requirements.

They'll often go quietly (although they do technically have the option of staying) but I do wonder what that does to the child's self worth.

@bestbefore

@Nevermindthesquirrels didn't say that. She said 'I do find it amazing when a non selective in a poor area does really well though.' And she's right.

In 2014, only 36.5 per cent of disadvantaged pupils achieved 5 A*-C including English and maths GCSEs, compared with 64.0 per cent of other pupils.

These stats have probably got worse due to covid.

The answer is obvious, disadvantaged DC just don't get the same opportunities (could be tutoring or diet or sleep routine etc) as those from average or high income households

@bestbefore you're twisting my words but whatever. I am, and will always be amazed when poor kids achieve well. I am so happy that schools with high expectations and standards now exist in poor areas. They are the most disadvantaged and even with educated, well meaning parents, they often have the least time with them as their parents are often working unsocial hours. They don't have the funds to top it up. These areas have schools full of kids that are walking consequences of poverty that is far reaching in their lives. So yes, if they achieve well, I will always be amazed and proud. A school with good results in a poor area, is a much bigger badge of honour than one in a rich area. I will always stand by that.

And a lot of private tutoring in some cases.

Any system which categorises any child as in ‘the bottom of upper-quartile‘ makes my heart sink and can be state too.
DH sounds like a great fit.

Sorry the thread has derailed a little OP. It would be easier to suggest alternatives to DH if we know what it is about it you don't like/is worrying you.

"The answer is obvious, disadvantaged DC just don't get the same opportunities (could be tutoring or diet or sleep routine etc) as those from average or high income households"

I read a report that showed even the poorest children of factory workers in China are ahead of wealthy uk pupils (children of doctors and lawyers) when it comes to educational attainment in maths. I think the biggest input is having a culture of high expectations and strong discipline. There's also such a big discrepancy between how well poor Chinese and Indian kids do in the UK compared with how well disadvantaged white kids do - because they just try harder. Yet in the UK the discourse is so focused on resources. You see it in Mumsnet all the time with posters totally underestimating how much studying their DC need to do for GCSE s etc and way too focused on their mental health, totally oblivious to how hard the high achievers are trying.

Cannot agree more.