Downe House unconditional offer

[Cranberrybabymum]

DD received an unconditional offer but the letter mentioned that she could defer it till 13 should she wish to. Is this common? We had our heart set on Wycombe Abbey but unfortunately she wasn’t offered a place and she would like to try again at 13+ even though she will then have to do exams on all the subjects etc plus a much smaller intake. DD isn’t strong in sports but she enjoys swimming and lacrosse. She is in the bottom of upper-quartile at her current school hence the school suggested her trying for WA. I personally wasn’t overly impressed with Downe but DD loved it. We are looking for a boarding school for her. DD is academically capable and is quite musical as she plays two instruments. Any advice? Should we accept the offer now and try WA again at 13? Any other schools to consider?

I wouldn't worry about moving at 13, either to WA or DH. Most schools with a 11 and 13 intake advised us that their preferred age is the age at which the girl's current prep school ends. I was surprised when I was told this by the heads of the schools we considered for dd, incl. DH and WA, as I thought they wanted their money ASAP. Their argument was that the girls mature so much in their final year by being prefacts, doing the leavers drama/musical/band, and also enjoying all the pomp of leavers ball etc. The heads always said they can spot the girls who have been 'the big ones' at their previous school and that that is the one single thing that predictably made it easier for the girls to adapt and slot in.

@NellyBarney
I agree. That’s why some top preps go to 13 snd DDs move successfully at 13.

However it’s risky to think, 2 years later, your prep friends will still be waiting for you and that other dynamics have not kicked in. Also the DD will have to start all over again with applications/exams/interviews and has already been rejected from WA at 11. This is another risky action.

I wouldn’t personally encourage this.

Entrance at 13+ for either DH or WA isn’t ideal as most girls start at 11 and the friendship cohorts will have formed. The two girls that are her best mates now will have other friendships. (also in many competitive schools where most kids start at 11 it’s even tougher to get in at 13 as so few places, so check with WA what her chances will be.)

Personally I would accept WA didn’t happen and send her to DH.

But if you decide to wait to 13 for a decision, I would also put her in for co-Ed schools in which all the kids start at 13, so you have that option.

All kids get labelled, wherever they are.

@NellyBarney that's very interesting. I have never heard this before.

My friends who work in education say it's best for a child to start a secondary school when the rest of the cohort starts so that they form their own friendship groups. This is for all secondary education - state and private.

I guess it will be entirely dependent on the DC as to how well they integrate into existing groups.

@NellyBarney Interesting as the girls who join at 13+ at DDs school seem to have a harder time than those who join at 11. I think girls really have to be confident and self assured to join a year group who have spent the last two years bonding.

I would say though that they only have a small intake at 13. DH has a rather large 13+ intake so I don’t think it’s a problem to join then at that particular school.

WA admissions make it very clear that 11+ is their main entry point - this is recent first hand information.

Agreed that 11+ is the main entry point for both of these schools. DD is in year 9 now having joined at 11+ and it's certainly seemed like the girls who joined this year have had a much tougher time. Also agree the very confident / able ones seem to adapt better.. sometimes from a maturity perspective 13+ can make more sense but in view of OPs daughter receiving an unconditional offer, it would seem the school view her as a very good fit.

If WA have not given an offer and crucially not invited Op's daughter to reapply at 13+, it seems best to either accept the DH (or other offers received) or explore alternative schools.

For what it's worth, DH has a very extensive extra curricular & pastoral program so the girls aren't lacking opportunities to do things regardless of the location. They also have a wonderful music program and sports (lacrosse particularly).

Hi there,
my daughter got 2 unconditional offers: Benenden school and Downe House School.
She is in love with Benenden but I feel like DH will be the best choice for her as she is very artistic.
I would like hear somebody’s gentle advice.
Thank you in advance!

Go with Benenden! If dd is boarding, she must be happy. She will make the best of art available there. We let dd decide between DH and another school. She chose the other school because she loved it and it was totally right for her. It was her second home. Children need to be happy and involved with their life decisions.

Agree with above. If a child has expressed a very strong desire for a particular school, works hard for the entrance exams etc. and gets an unconditional offer, it makes sense to go with their gut feel. Some children know their own mind and if you go against it, it could end up being the wrong decision. She’s already driven and passionate about her artistic skills, so will thrive.

Thank you!
May I ask you if the other school was ranked higher or less?

@Cranberrybabymum If it’s where she wants to go, she will likely do better because she will be happier. Several decades ago my parents chose not to send me to my first choice school; I was devastated and it still makes me sad.

We visited Downe and loved it. My DD passed the entrance but no bursary offered (on the waiting list but that seems a bit hopeless tbh!) and so it’s no go for us, and now it’s her turn to be devastated (oops)!

It’s a fabulous school and if your DD likes if and you can send her there, it seems that’s the answer. Good luck!

@Fourcolleybirds ah that’s gutting. I really hope your daughter gets moved up the list and she’s able to go.
@Cranberrybabymum have you made your decision now?
I’ve always felt it’s important to go with a gut feel if you can. No school is perfect in every way and there will always be slight annoyances but a happy child has to be the most important thing. Good luck to both of you.

@PWPUK DD would like to stay at the current school and give WA another try. We have therefore deferred DH offer to 13+ and will go and have another look.

Did you ask WA how far off getting in she was?

My understanding is that they inform you if they are a 'near miss' and put you on a waiting list. Also they actively indicate whether you should apply at 13.

From what you have written, none of this has happened - you might be really setting up your daughter to fail. I would definitely have a plan B and C. Maybe look at other schools that have starting points at 13 - co-ed boarding schools?

For top boarding schools that are oversubscribed year after year like WA, they really do have a good idea who will thrive in that environment.

You know your DD best and will know whether she'll be able to take another rejection at 13 or that she is confident enough to seamlessly join an already established cohort.

Two of the schools my DC may be going to scrapped the year 9 entry (they all join in Yr 7) as they found it was hard for the DC who joined in Yr 9 and disruptive to the rest of the year.

Personally I think you are taking a big risk.

I have been looking at this thread and had not commented but just want to add my two cents.

1. why are you as parents fixated on WA?
2. it is best to let your kid decide rather than planning every path. DH is an equally good school (and by the word good, it is in the broadest of sense - academic, pastoral care etc)
3. i think it is best to enter at 11+ so that you get the benefit of starting at the same time as everyone else

You can always start at DH and try WA again at 13+, though I don't know if they would actually allow you to reapply. There are occasional places in Y8 too.

Also happy to chat about WA if you wish to PM me. Incidentally today is the 13+ assessment there.

Thank you! So gutted for her - we were advised to apply, catchment school isn’t great for her and when we went to DH, DD said “it’s full of girls just like me!”. If it’s meant to happen, it will. But makes us feel like crappy parents in the meantime!

Lilgamesh2 agree 100%

The minute you mention your child is doing any kind of test onlookers start mumbling about 'pressure'. If you are of average or better academically doing exams regularly (termly / annually) is healthier than waiting for the one hit wonder and everyone getting stressed. SATS were treated like the work of the devil at our village primary. The school is predominantly white, working class and academic expectations were very low.. Our polish friends are returning to Poland for a better education for their kids.

Most Brits seem to be unaware how far their kids are behind kids in SE Asia..

@MrPickles73 not spent a moment of my life as a parent comparing my 3 children to any child in another country. I focus on them, their physical and mental well-being, and trying to help them forge a life path that suits them. What a bizarre comment.

barnbaby it is a very international world now and university, work etc. will be very competitive and a large number of applicants will be from overseas. I did technical interviews for a large company for a couple of years and more than 50% of applicants were international. So depending on your child's aspirations you may want to consider the environment beyond your immediate area.

@MrPickles73 they are children!!!!!!