I never thought that I would miss the primary school gate

[Happyasahedgehog]

Looking for advice on how to get a 14 year old boy to talk about how their day went at school. My son could easisly be in training to joing MI5. He won't even tell me the names of who he hangs out with at break time. He doesn't want to bring friends home or see them outside of school (long back story to this) so I've never met any of his school friends.
I never thought that I would miss the primary school gate pick-ups, but I am finding parenting a teen at secondary school very lonely when you don't have a single other parent to talk to and share experiences.

You just need to let him come out with it. At the oddest times. Try to do things together - anything. Watch his sport, watch TV with him (steel yourself) eat dinner with him, drive him to do whatever he does. The car is a good place to chat as he doesn't have to look at you.

With DS2 I found that the car trip TO his activities (sporting) was silent - even to training, not just to a match. But on the way home we would have a really nice chat - about what he had done at the event (even a major moan was welcome), what x had said that week, what school was like. Now (he's 19) he will introduce a convo about US politics - I love it. I promise it will come for you and your DS too.

This article sums it up

I find trying to arrange my day so that I can hang around in the kitchen when they get home is a good way of engaging. Their primary focus is food but they will chat about school sometimes too.

Basically anything where you are present but not directly engaging - car trip, walk to appointment etc is a good opportunity to be there if they want to open up.