Anyone not have a phone in Y7 these days?

[Areyouactuallyserious]

My child’s friends all have phones, some since y5, the remaining now in y6. All use social media, WhatsApp, Snapchat, TikTok etc. Ideally I wouldn’t want my child to have a phone until secondary and no social media until 13. Is that realistic at all or do I need to manage my expectations? Trying to balance the harm of phones/social media against the harm of being excluded from something that is increasingly the norm.
Thanks!

Huh, wonder why the App Store still has it for 12+ in that case. I'm sure most parents would trust the App Store rating rather than go digging to see if that's correct. Thanks for letting me know!

Frustrating that actually if the tech companies were serious about enforcing these age restrictions which without doubt are there for a reason, they could quite easily, so it feels like it’s very much just lip service

DS needed a dumb phone at 8 as we have never had a landline. Smartphone for year 7, they used them to take photos of things like spelling words they didn't have time to copy down. Children who catch public transport may need travel apps. I don't see how schools can completely ban phones, there are hardly any payphones left if they need to contact a parent when travelling to and from school.

My daughter is year 6, and as bad as it sounds she has the social media, she inherited my old phone during lockdown so she could keep in touch with friends, it was easier for them to chat and have group chats over Snapchat, she loves making random wacky tik toks, usually she does them of her latest craft project and uses the filters and stuff. I have it too and can monitor what she does, I have all her passwords signed in on my phone and check them regularly, i fee that I would rather her have it now whilst I can help her to navigate it and show her how to use it, and how to not use it, whilst she still listens to me and also when she goes off to secondary she doesn’t have something else to get the hang of, she will already know how to use it. I would rather have it this way than for her to download the apps and start lying and hide them from me.

Smartphones and WhatsApp are one thing but I draw the line at tiktok, no way.

I have tiktok as an adult (to look at, not post myself!) and I enjoy it but it's completely unsuitable for a young child.

We didn't give a phone till my kids 11th birthday both spring / summer born so just before secondary. On my dd now 15 we put google family on which blocks downloading apps etc without parental permission. She had what's ap from the start and now has insta and snap chat in the last year but doesn't really use either. She uses it alot for tracking h/w etc. Not used in school as they are confiscated if seen by staff. They are allowed to have them in school though if off. We live rurally so needed to sort lifts ect.

I don't see how schools can completely ban phones, there are hardly any payphones left if they need to contact a parent when travelling to and from school.

I did discount a school from consideration when we were choosing for DS, because they had a complete phone ban and he would have been travelling by train. His current school is a 15 minute walk for him, so I’m more comfortable about him not having a phone. The school does make exceptions in exceptional circumstances (as long as the child hands their phone in for the duration of the school day), but as it’s a very oversubscribed school with a tiny “catchment” (less than a mile for the furthest admitted distance last year) I don’t think concerns about travelling applies to many students.

My DC’s school has a silent and out of sight policy on mobiles. They can have them but they must be off and at the bottom of their bags. I wouldn’t want mine not to have a phone at all due to the bus journey. There have been occasions where the bus hasn’t turned up or the bus has broken down. A phone is useful then for either contacting me for help, or working out an alternative route to take.

This stuff is (even in the very best case scenario) such a horrible additional stress that we could all live without. Otherwise it is devastating.
I was hoping the government Online Harms Bill was going to do something about it with the tech companies but they seem to have basically dropped it. I don’t understand why governments can get such a free pass on online safeguarding for children. And that’s even after the judge recently linked that poor young girl’s suicide to social media use.

www.theguardian.com/technology/2022/nov/13/uk-government-criticised-for-failing-to-protect-children-from-online-harm

@PalatineHill totally agree! And hate this pressure on young ones to become involved so early, even when they aren’t especially even interested in it.

My 10 yr old has a smart phone. I like to be able to track him when he wall's to school and back, and also when he walks to the park at weekends. It keeps me sane.

My child's moved from a school with a strict no phones policy to one that's very liberal with them. They all had them in Y7 even at the first school, for safety reasons and a homework app. The phones just had to stay switched off in bags at school. DS preferred the no phones rule at school, but it didn't mean he didn't need or use his phone.

The more liberal school is very clear that parents need to look at children's phones as part of keeping them safe. This is helpful. It's normalized to children that your parent will be checking your phone. I think starting phones at 11 is good for this too. Once they are 13 they have a few more rights so it's good to establish norms and limits before that.

If I could go back in time I would have waited until year 8 to give dd a phone and I'd have been stricter with the controls on it.

That said she wasn't allowed any social media until 14.

I bloody hate phones.

DD had a phone in Y6 as she was walking on her own. She had a non-smartphone and really felt out of touch. We swapped with an odler style smartphone after Easter.

Y7 - smartphone was needed for bus app, camera for virtual arts and emails from school. We only allowed WhatsApp reluctantly but it was difficult to avoid as texting doesn't really work for group chats and they don't email privately. We monitored all conversations weekly for at least a year and now move to spot checks (she is 15 now).

TikTok only recently, no snapchat or anything else and each app needs to be approved by us. Insta was ok-ed with us following her and she needs approval for each photo she uploads.

Proper supervision and ensuring phones are down overnight is the key.

I have a year 7. Your child needs to be on WhatsApp. I have not let her have any other social media like TikTok or Snapchat. But they have class whatsapp and they use it to ask about stuff like parents whatsapp groups. What teacher asked them to do, non uniform days etc. All homework is via satchel one so they need that app to see their homework. And you need outlook and one drive for handing in work too.

Just keep a close eye on what they are doing. School needs them to do YouTube as well for research and YouTube kids don’t work with the links being sent!

DS1 is in year 8 and doesn’t have a phone. Some of his friends don’t either. Hasn’t made socialising a problem. He has one friend who texts about homework, they were at primary school together so he sends it via his mum to me, and DS1 replies. He managed to organise his own birthday party at the cinema just fine without one.

As for expecting kids to have one, I’m a teacher and if I want my students to be able to look things up or do a quiz I reserve the school iPads. Some kids ask if they can use their phone instead and I let them, but I have the iPads for all the others. I would never expect children to have a smart phone, they’re expensive and parents would rightly complain. Our school has a lot of pupils who live in the proper countryside, we don’t even expect them to have reliable internet.

I think as my child does have a tablet I’m not too worried about access to apps for school, and I’m also not worried about safety going to and from school. I think It’s mainly the social media aspect I’m really concerned about, so even if she got a phone I would be holding out on that for as long as possible in which is there a point in the phone? Or is it a fait accompli that social media will follow quickly as soon as she gets one and I’m kidding myself.

Sorry, but I think you're making your kid a social outcast by not allowing a phone or any social media. My daughter has a large group of friends both at school and outside of school and they all communicate via social media (Snapchat mainly) and are constantly on group chats/group calls.

This

Is that a small private school? Very different from a large state high

At our large state primary the kids get them in Yr6 if not in Yr5. They need to learn to use them as it's the world they live in.
I can not imagine a Yr7 without a smart phone. They organise everything themselves. They chat on snap or WAp. They confirm meeting ups and chat. Homework is on google classrooms. They research home work and share stuff.
Yep they have to learn this stuff but that's their life. Tik tok is so full of endless rubbish and they all have multiple accounts that as long as an adult checks the hysteria isn't needed

Like @TwinklingStarlight our schools are realistic. Not allowing a phone isn't

GC (yr 7) don't have phones and haven't asked. They and all their friends (and teachers) use tablets for school work. (at home and at school).

My ds is in yr 10 and doesn't have one.

Or to be more accurate, he has one, necessary for school trips and covid vaccine passports, but he doesn't normally carry it with him because he says people just use them for bullying and sending dick pics and he's not interested.

Half of me admires his stand, but it's annoying when he forgets his sports kit or misses the bus.

My son’s total-phone-ban school is an inner city state comprehensive with 1700 pupils! TBH, I don’t know how effective the ban is in older years as DS has only been there since September, but I appreciate that they’re trying.

There was a disturbing thread the other day by a poster whose child was being bullied via Snapchat; the bully was taking photos of the victim during school and sending them round to others, and because Snapchat deletes everything automatically so there was no evidence to pin down the culprit. And before anyone points out that bullies will always find a way, I know! But do we need to literally arm them with extra tools to do it during school time??