Anyone not have a phone in Y7 these days?

[Areyouactuallyserious]

My child’s friends all have phones, some since y5, the remaining now in y6. All use social media, WhatsApp, Snapchat, TikTok etc. Ideally I wouldn’t want my child to have a phone until secondary and no social media until 13. Is that realistic at all or do I need to manage my expectations? Trying to balance the harm of phones/social media against the harm of being excluded from something that is increasingly the norm.
Thanks!

I would expect every high school student to have a smart phone. Mine only have pay as you go which makes them a bit more aware of using data unless they are on wifi. If they are seen using them at school then they are instantly confiscated until the end of the week. Of course they still risk it/go into the toilets to use them!

For school work every student has an ipad that we pay monthly for. I used to think this was ridiculous but it's been great especially in lockdown. It's used in lessons as well as at home and means nobody needs to get their phone out and everyone has the same access to resources.

We live in a digital world. Accessing it without a smartphone (or a tablet, laptop or other device) is increasingly difficult.

Agreed, but the flip-side is potentially harmful effects of social media on children, and schools and parents need to navigate this together. To be honest, I imagine most schools would prefer it if students didn’t have access to the likes of Tik Tok and WhatsApp!

All the kids I know have smart phones from 10/11 and definitely by y7. I only ever hear people being shocked by that on here.

I and my family have no social media - it is rubbish
we meet REAL friends
play sport
go to gym

How do you arrange to meet up with your friends?

We do all those things. Do you honestly think that social media means that people don't have real friends that they see in person or take exercise? Smart phones are very handy for making arrangements to meet up!!

Our high school has a no phones policy but that means they can’t use them, freely, not that they can’t have them in their bags. They use an app for school timetables and other information and get homework through email and apps. In lessons they are often asked to photograph a piece of information or use their calculator on their phones. My Y7 was asked to take a picture of homework this week. I asked if anyone didn’t have a phone and was told Johnny had left his at home so his mate said he’d WhatsApp it to him. I think it would be most unusual not to have one by this age and think it’s worth learning how to use social media responsibly rather than just banning it.

No social media yet here you are posting on MN. How's that ethos working out for you 😂

Seems like such a mixed picture! I like the idea of a dumb phone as my daughter does have a tablet so could do all the school stuff that requires apps/internet on that; so if that doesn’t make her a social pariah then I could work with that although it probably won’t help her much as her friends all use social media to communicate, so it would literally just be for the walk home from school.
I think we were lucky that we could just leave everything at the door when we left school each day, in a way that children can’t anymore but that ship had sailed I suppose.
Agree with PP who pointed out that it’s telling that tech execs much more severely limit their children access to smart tech and social media than the rest of us!

It's good to have this provision but it's not really ideal for children who need to catch a bus or train, or have after school commitments, or in the winter get home before it's dark. Far better to have a phone they can use at home to access homework.

I teach Y6. This year already we have had to talk about the SM groups they have made. Messages have been sent telling other kids to 'kys', pics of themselves with vapes, messages going until 3am and random people that they dont know added. Every year we have this on WhatsApp or Snapchat. Last year we had a child send a dick pic that went round the local secondary school and threats of rape. My child will not be having a phone for as long as possible!

@ExhaustedPigeon I believe there was a WhatsApp bullying situation at my children’s school in Y6 last year, no escape!

@CeeceeBloomingdale I agree to a point about learning responsible use, but not everyone is doing that, so even if your kid is sensible, it doesn’t stop them getting sent inappropriate content or bullying messages, you can’t undo that but you can maybe at least delay it a bit?

Recent studies showing 3/4 of girls aged 11-18 have been sent a dick pic, 70% been asked to send nudes. Maybe that’s mostly older girls but its still highly depressing.

I'm quite shocked by this. I live overseas and it is absolutely not the norm for kids to have phones in year 7 or high school. The accepted 'rule' here seems to be 13 upwards. Schools take a very dim view of it overall.

Mine in year 7 has a basic smartphone. I use Android family link though and absolutely do not any other social media than WhatsApp and I restrict the time he's allowed on it. All his friends seem to have unrestricted access to TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram though! I also check his phone regularly to see what's going on in the WhatsApp chats. I'm not sure what age I will allow him access to more, but I know he isn't emotionally mature enough to deal with things like Snapchat or TikTok right now. I'm 38 and I come across things on TikTok regularly that are upsetting or scary.

Sorry OP I have 3 at secondary school and all kids get a phone for year 7, if not before. All you can do is monitor an snake sure they're not signing up for anything dodgy.

We grudgingly got a smartphone for year 7. Initially allowed Whatsapp and Snapchat with only best friends on Snapchat but removed it as she had a bit a bother on whatsapp that had it been on Snap I wouldn't have been able to verify my DD's side of story. She doesn't have it on phone anymore but I am astounded by the number of emails showing accounts belonging to teenage boys (or claiming to be teenage boys 😕) who try and add her every week.

I put TikTok on my phone in child mode and it was still vile, every so often DD and I try and influence the algorythm but its still fairly innapropriate. Obviously she just watches it all on YouTube or Pinterest anyway 😠, but it isn't constant like TikTok.

We love being able to see where she is through Life360, as she dawdles home sometimes.

All in all it hasn't been as bad as we hoped, she was glued to het Kindle Fire tbh anyway and we don't have the phone at the table, on family days out or in room overnight.

thought not hoped

Part of acting responsibly is learning to remove themselves from difficult groups. In my experience this tends to be an issue in Y5/6. By high school this has settled down. No idea where your dick pic stat is from, but anecdotally I have two daughters in this age range and neither them nor their friends have ever received anything like that, nor any inappropriate suggestions like sending nudes. I can check their phones any time and they are very open with me.

My DD is in Y8 and doesn’t have a phone. She’s managing they have ipads for school and not asking for one. I’m hoping I can put off giving her a phone until y11! 😀

But everyone has a phone I think in her year

at my y7 son's school phones are insta-confiscated, kids can drop them off before school at reception or something, but the wait time is such that few bother taking them, especially lower down the school. but there is a whole class WhatsApp group (almost whole class, certainly 25+ kids in it). he's also in a leavers' one from last year's year 6. both have a problematic edge. for some reason it's quite common for one of the sillier kids to occasionally invite in a slightly older and/or edgier kid who's never been a classmate of the others.

My school allows phones but they should be switched off at the school gate & put into bags or pockets. However, teachers' discretion applies. Yesterday a kid had written some lyrics for her song on her phone & asked if she could look at them, to which I agreed but reminded her that the phone then had to be switched off & put away.

When I had a y7 tutor group in the first lockdown, every kid bar one had a smartphone. I was able to set up a Teams video call every Friday and make sure they were ok, and they loved chatting to one another, but he missed out. Now they all have school-owned laptops which run Teams and on which all work is done. The kid who isn't allowed a smartphone isn't allowed to take his laptop home. He misses out on loads of things. The parents have complained and demanded alternative work for him but the Head has been resolute and stated that they have taken this extreme stance and staff should not set anything else.

All the people allowing WhatsApp, please be aware that the age rating for it is actually 16.

I allow WhatsApp from year 7 but not other social media until older and certainly not tiktok

@Malbecfan - just checked and WhatsApp is rated 12+.

Thanks @LadyFlumpalot maybe on an app store but it was raised from 13 to 16 in January 2022. Our Safeguarding training is explicit about this.

WhatsApp is 16 in the UK and EU because of GDPR rules about handling data and ensuring you have the consent of parents for under 16s. They raised the age from 13 rather than have to verify parents let their kids have WhatsApp. They don't seem to have any rules in place to stop under 16s joining. I don't even think we had to enter a date of birth.